tiny little flames { icarus / willow }

I needed to get out of the house. My room felt empty without my sister in it and my mother made the rest of it feel claustrophobic. She had not moved much from the worn-out sofa that sat in front of the projector that played the games coverage the entire day. She had become obsessed with the pre games coverage, always up to date with the newest odds of each tribute and what was happening. Something told me that she was not sleeping, instead she put all her energy into the games as if she could change a single thing from our damn fucking couch.

When the games started in the middle of the night, she had yanked me out of my bed to come sit and watch with her. Her fingers gripping so tight into my skin that I thought I would start bleeding.

I was tired. I could hardly keep my eyes open, that until was my sister stepped into the ring. All of a sudden the fear that I could watch her die any second kept me awake. Mom and I sat in silence as we watched her progress from the first round, the second and then get stabbed in her chest in third round.

”Antigone!” I screamed as if I had been the one stabbed in the chest. I should have been in her place; it was my name called, not hers. I grabbed my mom’s arm hastily and clung on to it, hoping she would be able to give me some sense of safety, alas this was my mother we were talking about. Her foot met the wooden table that was lined with days old cups and glasses knocking everything over. I flinched as I heard the glass shatter across the stone floor covered in dusty rugs.

”I’ll go get the broom” I mumbled under my breath still in shock.

As I crouched down to open the cabinet the lights in the house turned off and total darkness took over. Shit, the electricity bill. I never really noticed how much my sister did to keep our family afloat, she was the one bringing in the pennies we needed to survive. She played adult and made sure that the bills were paid and if they weren’t we would find a way to be okay. She had even written me a list of all her contacts and everything I would need to know to keep things running. It was my own fault that I had ignored her instructions…I just wished she would be here to yell at me in utter frustration.

My sister had taken a sharpie to my skin to ensure that I had everything I needed, although the list was long washed from my skin it still burned bright in my mind, the perks of having a photographic memory. Antigone knew that I would not be able to forget a thing she had written down.

Candles – store behind Mrs. Carlise’s flower shop, ask for Willow.

So that is where I went.

I hardly mustered up a word of goodbye to ma as I closed the door behind me. It was hard to talk to her right now, she did not want to hear anything else than Antigone would make it home safe and sound. I do not think she was prepared to hear anything else, and I was not ready to say otherwise.

Being outside of the house was an overwhelming sensation of guilt for leaving ma alone even if it was just for a bit as well as being able to breath for the first time since the reaping. I let my mind go blank as I make my way to where Tigs said the shop would be, the only assurance that I was in the right place being the dimly lit candles burning in the window. As I push the door open to the shop, I was greeted with a sweet scent that almost made me want to gag. A bubbly girl, probably not much older than my sister greets me.

”Can I help you find something?” she perks up. The small television in the background playing the games catches my attention for a second too long.

”Uhhh” I hesitate before refocusing my attention to the girl. ”Are you Willow? My sister, Antigone, she uhh” there was no easy way to say that your sister who is currently fighting for her life sent you to that place to buy candles in case you could not afford electricity. That was a whole lot of information I did not want a stranger to know, and I knew that Antigone would have never said a thing either. Too proud and too stubborn to admit to our desperate situation.

”She said she would buy candles here, do you know what exactly she would buy? I’m guessing nothin’ to fancy, but enough to light up a room?”