love, or the lack thereof ; coley&erras&lovie&alain

My ribs give off a sharp spark each time I twist the wrong way, which is why I took the recommendation from Nurse Kim not to overdo it with physical activities. Outside of going to class and detention, I've spent most of my time in my bed, sitting up against a stack of pillows so I can breathe without it feeling like another punishment.

Alain's spending more and more time out of the room, now that I'm spending so much of my time in it. I've been avoiding him which is pretty hard knowing we live no more than ten feet apart. I turn to face the wall whenever he comes in for the night, trying to cover my ears from the familiar sound of his camera flipping between photographs. I've asked all of our teachers if they'll let me move seats. Because we're in alphabetical order, I sit directly behind Alain in almost every class. Bingham said yes without a second thought, and DeGraw let me move, too, because the tension fuming red in my cheeks probably made him too uncomfortable. Cheng said no, and Moxen, the biggest surprise of the bunch, said he wanted us to stay nearby in hopes we'd "Figure it out like grown men, not little boys."

Alain and I have gotten into fights before, but this time feels different. I'm the one who gives in first. I apologize a lot, to my detriment, even when something isn't my fault. Ms. Munroe talked to me about needing to work on that for when I go into the real world. It makes me a pushover, always conceding and never getting anything in return. I'm not giving in this time. If Alain thinks I'm desperate for everyone's approval, I'm not interested in proving him right.

Speak of the dick. He stumbles into the room, a loud whack against the door with his foot for good measure. I pick up one of our English class books, flip to a random page, and pretend to read. "They've locked us in." Snow covers our window, leaving us in near complete darkness had it not been for the backup generator's half attempt at keeping our bedroom light on. Clearly, Alain wasn't listening when that was announced. But hey, when does he ever listen?

"Until the blizzard passes we're stuck here. So let's figure this out now." He says this and I pick my head up from the book. Is he going to start apologizing now? I'm hopeful for the first time in days. I don't want to not be Alain's best friend, but I've taken enough first turns in our friendship to know I end up giving in more than I get.

In truth, I don't think it'll take a lot for me to forgive him. Just something, Alain. Anything!

I flinch when his camera bounces off his sheets and onto the ground. "I'm sure Manny would love to have you, if you don't want to stay here. Or have you already moved on from him, too?" I roll my eyes and groan. Of course, he doesn't want to apologize. He just wants to get rid of me.

In truth, when I told him the other day that I was going to see Manny, I never did. I ran off to go and be alone. But I'll continue to play it up as if I had. "If you're that jealous that I have friends outside of you, you can just say it." I feel myself starting to get heated underneath the bed covers. I pull myself out from under them and stand level with him. Voice raised, I stare directly at the back of his head. "Why am I the one who has to leave? Can't take any accountability for the shit you start, huh? Someone else always has to get punished."

I pick up his camera and drop it onto his bed. Careless. "But you're a shitty best friend, so I should've expected that." I start to breathe a little heavier. "Why don't you go? I'm sure there are people lining up to be your new best friend, Golden Boy."

I look around the room at all of Alain's things. He really does take control of the decoration here. I don't want it to go. With one last pained huff, I shout at him. "And good fucking luck to whoever that person is!"