always an angel, never a god. // roe v. arcadia. d4, day6.

Only a girl who thinks she can rule the world would walk with open arms into the path of the enemy. She is a girl who has never been told no. Who’s never been denied what she wanted. A girl who is used to entering a room and having everyone pay attention to her, want to be near her.

Only a girl who thinks she can change the mind of a killer would do something so fearless, so stupid.

I’m probably both, in all honesty. I definitely feel insane: dizzy, the smell of stale salt water not helping my oncoming migraine. The feeling of Vin close by definitely not helping. Although, I think their presence gives me some sense of insurance. Something to make me believe I’m not dead yet – because as much as I hate seeing them again, under their watchful eye, I think I have a few more minutes to fight, if the way Roe keeps looking back over at them is any indication that they don’t really know what the right thing to do here is.

I’d like to think I’m a bit more certain on that front. I’m a Career, after all, right? In the Hunger Games. Face to face with the boy that killed my best friend. It’s in the stars, everyone here knows it: we’re killing boys today. And if he wants to kill me, I’m not going to make it easy for him.

It’s harder to kill someone you have history with. Preferably a good one. Experience confirms this much is true. And whilst Roe and I might share a connection, it’s for all the wrong reasons.

I need to change that. Grovel, apologise, change the stakes. Because if he likes me even a little bit, then he might hesitate on his backswing. He might lower his weapon for a millisecond. He might aim wide, his subconscious acting for him, knowing this isn’t right.

And also, I’ll be really fucking annoyed if I die at the hands of the one person in this world that hates my guts.

“I’m sorry your life probably sucked before you got here, but that’s not my fault!”

Well. It’s not the perfect apology, but it’s a start. I shake my head to myself, take a deep breath and muster all of my strength to lock my arms tighter around his torso. The weapon in my hands makes it difficult – it’s hardly the most inconspicuous thing about me, which is truly saying something. But only a fool would let her guard down fully. The fragility of the moment rests on the edge of my blade – a sword once sharpened, now dulled from the crimes I’ve committed.

“I know it’s probably easier to hate someone you don’t understand, but you can’t live a life that’s so angry and bitter.” If you live.

“I don’t want to hate you,” it’s honestly exhausting. But this is where it gets tricky. The thing about connections are that they go both ways – nobody escapes unscathed, no matter how hard you try to keep your distance. Not that I think I want to, but I do want to love without restrictions. I want to care for every person that comes into my life without having to plan their god damn murder! So maybe it’s better that we end our chapter the way we started it – keep our sides separated, no blurry lines. But I can’t let the story be written for me. The innate longing to be liked wins out, like it always does.

“So tell me what it is you hate about me so damn much? Because if someone as good as Vin cares about me, you have to know: I’m not a bad person.”

I’m not, I’m not a bad person, he’s the one that’s killed three people already.

My glaive twitches by my side – in warning, in anticipation. Not. Yet.

uses hazardous waste drum [poison 1/3]
attacks roe with glaive

8HJr2ecp1kglaive

shallow cut on right thigh -- 3.5 damage [+1 poison]


self-defense [1/2]

3-8

It turns out my hugs aren’t as magically healing as I had hoped they were. Roe squirms against me, and my grip slackens. I don’t know why I thought I could infuse some of my charisma and good vibes into him – don’t know why I thought he’d even reciprocate it, or willingly accept it for that matter.

“You don’t have to know me. I’m just tired of us hating each other.” I don’t know how to let things be. Call a spade a spade, I’ll forever be trying to change the narrative of my life.

It’s naïve and narcissistic all at the same time to want to be liked by everyone. But why should it be? What’s so wrong with wanting love?

Why doesn’t Roe think he deserves it?

I don’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist. If he’s the one that makes it out of here, maybe he can go and find one. Try to be happy. He probably deserves that, for all his barbed edges and killer’s guilt.

“You know Vin’s, like, from a cult right?”

Obviously. Vaguely. “Cults have like, prophecies and stuff, right? Maybe there’s something we don’t know that they do.” Maybe they’ve been using us all along.

But: “Vin likes me.” Certain. Deservingly so. Not that it’s a competition.

It’s not.

But we’re all so different; none of it makes sense. “Maybe they’re just scared of you.” I probably should be too.

I am. Definitely, I am. It’s after thirty seconds of close proximity to him that my fight-or-flight finally catches up to the stupid plan I’ve set in motion and tells me to run. But I’m too stubborn to be the first to pull away from our awkward, one-sided embrace.

“You can push me off any time you like, by the way.” We both know he’s capable. Exhibit A: pre-Games, Training Room, he’d pinned me to the floor like I was nothing at all. “Kinda makes me think you do like being this close to me.”

You know, I’ve read books about enemies turned lovers.

I’ve always hated that trope.

attacks roe with glaive [poison 2/3]

W8fM_tW|o6glaive

deep gash on left thigh -- 8.0 damage [+3.5]


self-defense [2/2]

3-8

“Well I’m not, so fuck off.”

How original. You really can’t write this shit.

Oh wait. You definitely can.

Roe’s uninspired attempt to break free is cute. Maybe he’s trying to flatter me, make me think I actually have some type of advantage here. Or maybe I’m just more stubborn than I thought. Either way, the attempt at peace isn’t working. That’s obvious to me now. There doesn’t seem to be much point in prolonging the inevitable. Not when the end is so close.

“After I kill you, Roe is next.”

My head whips around at that. After I kill you.

No. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Not yet.

“Wait– Sacrifice–” Don’t, I’m still here trying to save Vin and myself at the same time, but the word dies on my lips.

Gets lost in the fall.

We’re locked against each other as Roe loses his footing, hampered by my dead weight as we slide across the pier. I try to extricate my arms, but momentum works against me. I’m not fast enough. We slip as one entity.

The water is not cold. The tepidness reminds me of being in a sauna, of relieving muscle aches in the pool room at home before wrapping myself up in big fluffy towels and lathering moisturiser over my tired skin. And this is maybe the first time I actually realise what’s at stake. What I’ve given up. What I might never get to see again.

Definitely will never get to see again if I drown right now.

Can I swim? Probably. Kinda. Some vague memory of a week of training in man-made pools when I was about ten comes back to me. I try to regulate my breathing – I think it’s supposed to help. But it’s virtually impossible to remain level-headed with Roe scrambling over the top of me, dunking my head below the surface over and over again. I don’t think it’s supposed to be intentional – if he wanted to kill me, it would be out in the open, ending with him trying to prove a point, making himself seem greater than he really was. But none of that will matter if we don’t get back onto dry land.

“Roe–” A wave of water rushes into my mouth, clogs my nose, and I cough it back up desperately. “Stay calm.” Please, please. “Kick. To the edge.” I’m careful to speak in simple words, not wanting to waste my breath on elaborate explanations – especially when I’m not even convinced he’ll listen to me.

“Vin!” I try to yell, send a hand flying in their direction, but their weapon cuts into Sacrifice’s skin with a sickening squish and I’m not sure either of them will hear my cries. Even if Vin came running, who would they save: myself or Roe?

Would they save either of us?

attacks roe with glaive [poison 3/3]

nyYlcdLu5Mglaive

deep gash on stomach -- 9.0 damage [+4]

The water is everywhere. It feels like it’s gone straight through to my bones, weighing down the threads of cotton on my body and making it ten times harder to fight against the mini tsunami our thrashing bodies are creating.

“Shut up!”

Under, again.

You– “idiot–” –I’m trying to save us both. What the fuck is his problem?

My throat is burning; his eyes are burning, full of rage and jealousy. I’d roll my eyes at him if they weren’t stinging so fucking badly already. The next time he pushes on my head, it doesn’t feel like an accident. But the edge of the dock is so close, so close. I just need to get there–

Only every time I kick my feet, I sink a little further under. Every time I try to extend my arms, they end up crashing into some part of Roe’s body. There’s no forward motion. We’re spinning around in stupid little circles and no doubt looking like the laughing stock of Day Six.

What a glorious fall from grace for me.

Fucking– “listen–” –to me. But I can’t speak. I’m swallowing too much water. It sits in the pit of my stomach doing all it can to drag me down further, multiple forces acting against me.

Under, again.

The panic sets in. I don’t know what to do. I try to swim out from under Roe’s body, but his hands are waiting. Scraggly strands of blond hair stick to my face, and the world disappears from view completely. Touch alone allows me to wrap my panting form around his, mimicking our stance from on the pier only moments earlier. We float together, flushed chest to chest. This time when he pushes me under, half of him disappears along with me. It’s a better position to be in.

Just.

attacks roe with glaive

|ldBUih2C5glaive

deep gash on left thigh -- 8.0 damage [+4]

“Arcadia!” Kinship is a girl you’ve shared a bedroom with calling out to you, hair as wild as ever, spilling blood as red as her heart. She’s too far away to reach, but I feel myself call out to her all the same, my cry of help as garbled as ever.

Help, the word echoes in my head, and I don’t know who I’m calling for – Sacrifice or Vin, they blur into the same being. It doesn’t matter who answers, really. That was the way of Arcadia: when you call, people will come running.

Unless, of course, the only two people around are engaged in their own fight. Must be the salt water sending everyone crazy.

“They won’t–” My head whips around madly; Roe’s talking about Vin, still, that’s all he ever wants to do. That, and convince himself that girls from District One are the scum of the Earth, apparently.

“–pick you.”

You– “can’t–” be– “serious.” Every second word is a mouthful of brine, but if I could laugh right now, I’d probably choke on the sound and end up killing myself that way. The jealousy pours off of him. Poor boy, latching on to the first trace of affection that’s been thrown his way and telling himself it’s his stake to claim.

Whatever. He could have Vin. Let them both die in each other’s arms, be their own Romeo and Juliet. I don’t want either of them – I never did.

I just want to live.

There’s no point wasting words on an explanation he doesn’t deserve. It wouldn’t stifle his paranoia – that feeling of being second-best. He would still be the same bloodthirsty, fractured boy with a point to prove.

“Just give up.” Of course, I can’t do that. Of course, neither can he.

A last bout of strength shudders through my bones as solid ground looms nearer. I detach myself from Roe, kicking harder but dragging him along with me, inevitably. “Get off me!” I scream, pulling out all of my vocal chords in the process and it’s ironic, how fast the tide turns. There’s an edge of the dock jutting out angrily towards us that I lunge for.

That Roe lunges for.

I have to get there first.

It’s like holding hands with Vin, the way my limbs wrap around his shoulders and head. Something about it feels familiar. Like they belong there, clutching tightly and digging into the soft flesh. Like they wanted this all along. His scalp prickles as I drive his head straight into the sharp corner of the pier.

attacks roe with glaive

PALN73OcmRglaive

stabbed in forearm -- 8.5 damage [+4]