roxanne diedrich, district two | finished {cb}

I didn't come into this world knowing I would rebel against what was expected of me.

For a long time, I played the part I was assigned. Attended all my training classes, kept up social graces on my parents' behalf, dated the popular boy because I knew it would make the other girls jealous. I allowed materialism to define me; so much so that the opinion of others became tied so intricately with my opinion of myself. My mother always told me that women only prosper when they are envied, but the older I became, the less I envied this version of myself.

The girl staring back at me in the mirror was a meek thing, subservient and generic. You could peer into any of the windows on the houses lining my street, and you'd find another girl just like me. Desperate for the approval of her family, so willing to value tradition over individuality. When my little sister was born, I think that's what started to give me a sense of clarity. Did I really want her to believe that the lone path presented to us was the only path she could take? And beyond that, if the idea of becoming a mirror copy of my mother made me so uncomfortable, then who did I really want to be?

Figuring that out, I've learned, is one of the most precious things in life. I began to skip out on the club activities my mother signed me up for, and I stopped hanging out with the friends who were only titled as such because of their surnames and status. They were all shallow, and small-minded, and there were better people to surround myself with. Like Mindy, who was incredible at chess and wickedly smart. Like Luna, who made all her own clothes by hand. And like Karla, who was stronger than any pedigree career and introduced me to roller derby.

Here's a secret: the daytime world of Two has nothing on the nightlife. And when I've got my rollerblades on, surrounded by girls who view the world just like me, throwing elbow jabs as easily as we give encouragement to one another: that's where I feel wholly like myself. Powerful, and free, and capable of being my own person. I'm the one in the driver's seat now. With all my opinions and values and individuality in tow.

And I dare anyone to stand in my way. I didn't earn the name Roxie Rager for nothing.