Malachor Erso D2 | Fin

I always enjoyed dancing. Ever since I was a little girl, really. Mom and dad would watch, and they signed me up for lessons with their friends. It was never professional or anything. Just a bunch of kids dancing around to any sort of music available. It offered me a sense of freedom, a sense of belonging and purpose. Not that I ever really felt out of place because I've had many friends and wonderful experiences. Some people aren't so lucky, and I realize this. It's just hard. I've always had a roof over my head, food on my plate. Even when things changed in the dark days during the war, I still had enough to make sure I got by in life. It's hard to understand that not everyone was as lucky as me. But maybe my parents just shielded me from seeing what actually happened.

Now that I'm older, and I've watched nine hunger games take place, I've realized how important my freedom is to me. I want to be able to live my own life, to do my own things. I want to make my own decisions without anyone holding me back, but sometimes it feels like that's impossible. I'm always stuck on the restraints the Capitol now has on us. I'm stuck unable to really make my own way in life all because a lot of people rebelled, and a lot of people ended up dying because of it. But now I've figured it's best if I just stick to myself, and not really let people know much about me. Sometimes I want to be popular and well known, but most of the time I want to isolate myself. I want to stay locked away in a bedroom without a care in the world. I don't want people to realize that there's more to me than meets the eye. As long as I know me, that's all that matters.

Being alone helps me focus on what I want to focus on. It gives me the courage to continue doing what I need to do in order to succeed. I spend many hours just putting together the perfect dance routine, but I never show it to anyone. I'd rather dance alone and privately in order to understand myself than to stand on a stage as a show off. I might think I know it all at times, and that I'm the best to ever walk the earth at times, but I don't want to belittle people by actually saying those things out loud. Even though I have a good life, I don't want to rub it in someone's face. I'm better than that even if it doesn't always seem that way. I have to keep trying and pushing, and maybe one day I'll succeed at doing that. Until then, I'll observe and sit alone without a care in the world. It gives me the chance to learn about others even when it seems I'm not paying attention.

Sometimes I'm in the corner dancing, but I'm silently judging others. I'm looking to see if they are weak or strong, and I want to know why people are so weak. People can be weak minded, and I don't want to be one of them. I want to stand my ground consistently. I won't let people push me around, and if anyone even tries, I laugh at them. It's funny to me because I'll quickly turn it back on them. Either that or I ignore them. It's best that way. I'm in charge of my own mental wellbeing, and not once will I let people knock me down. I may knock them down, but I'll always help them stand back up. Sometimes it's about teaching a lesson, and then helping them to learn where they went wrong. I hate people, but at the same time, I love people. It's important to understand that this is important because it gives me the best fighting chance in life.

I want people to be strong. Everyone should stand up for themselves. Everyone shouldn't let people push them around, and it pisses me off when I do see that. We're all strong. We all have our own inner strength, and I wish more people would see that. I wish they'd understand what they have in life and where they're going. I've made mistakes. I've been knocked down. Life is hard, I get that, but I think that's the purpose of life. Get up. Show life what we're all capable of. I've been in plenty of positions where I could've just given up. It fascinates me when people just quit because I don't want that to happen. I don't get it. I might never get it, but maybe I can help people learn even if that means knocking them down just so I can help them stand.

d9 kristof parks {ems} ✨ zozo.