Should I Guys? *PLEASE READ!*

So, guys. A pretty big opportunity has come to me! A writing contest! It is to help be an editor to a book! Here is the contest:

• You must write a (minumum of 1,000 words) story framing the story of Jasper Hathaway and his adventures.
  
  
• You must complete a made up story of at least one problem using the character names:
  
  Jasper-early twenties
  Lily-mid teens
  Hyatt-early twenties
  Jemma-late teens
  
  of the friends adventures.
  
  
• The typed story must be sent in by the 15th of October, unless there is a valid, verified reason for late entry.
  

The rest just said things like put your name, date written, blah blah blah, information stuff, SO, here is my story, please DO NOT LIE and tell me whether or not I should submit it. I got the notification for this contest from my old English teacher in the mail, so here it is, written by me:

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Hyatt paced around the camper in which his grandfather lived in just hours ago, before he watched him die. A heart attack. Doctors and secretaries swarmed around him and the camper as they loaded his dead grandfather into an ambulance, though Hyatt knew of this uselessness. His grandfather was dead. Lily's attempts at "calming him" and "helping him feel better" were pointless. He shoved her away off his shoulder and sighed as he saw Jasper and Jemma coming to "help" him. He didn't need their "help". He didn't need them right now. Where was he to go, where would he live? With his parents? Ha. Never again would he be beat, yelled at, raped.
"Hyatt, please. Just, calm down, it will be okay I promise! You can even stay with me! My . . . my parents wouldn't mind; they love you! Please, Hyatt." Jemma's cool, soft words floated through the air, into his ear, and his brain worked fiercely to figure out what they mean. When his brain did it, he turned quickly on her, and released his anger all out at the girl he thought he loved."Listen Jem, I don't need your shit right now! I need you to go the fuck away, is what I need!"
He spits in her face on the word "shit" and his words cut through her very being, and as if she had been slapped in the face she ran fled from the camper. Jasper's hand flew forward and punched Hyatt in the face, but Hyatt brushed it off, and looked down, as he sped into the place he felt safe in, felt free in, just hours ago. Just hours away was his freedom. He locked the door behind him and slid down the wall onto the ground. Deep breathing. He "deep breathed" for at least an hour, before stepping back outside. The ambulances had left, and so had his "friends", all except for Lily.
There she stood, looking innocent, rubbing her arms, the way she did when she felt nervous about something. Her head perked up at the site of him, and she flung herself into his arms.
"Hyatt! I-","Lily, stop, just stop, lets just keep this moment.", he cut her off and smiled. Lily truly understood him right now. Nobody but her.
He flashed back to the day her mother was murdered by a thief, and the group cuddled around her and cried for hours. No one was here to cry with him, but it was his own fault. Lily berried her face in his chest and he felt as her tears soaked through his shirt. He let a tear run down his face as well.
As he held her there, he thought about Jasper and Jemma, and longed for their presence. Lily pulled apart from Hyatt and they stared at each other for only but a few seconds before quickly ripping their gazes away, both of them blushing.
Hyatt felt awkward considering the only person he loved was Jemma, not Lily. But the same couldn't be said on her part.
Hyatt's fingers brought his phone from his pocket and dialed Jasper. Eight rings passed and Hyatt was ready to hang up, when Jasper's fierce voice cut through the phone. The conversation that went on for the next few minutes went a little like this;

"Jasper, please tell me she is okay."
"You really fucked up, man. She ha been crying since the last time you spoke to her."
"Jasper, please don't say th-"
"Man shut up! Are you bipolar, now? Gah! You spit in her face and now you wanna get all "Love Doves" again? I don't think so! I am always here for her, and all you do is hurt her. I am better for her, just leave Jemma alone until you freakin grow some balls and apologize the right way. But from now on, she is mine."
"Jasper, you can't just-"
"Oh, but I can. Leave her alone."

That is that was said before Jasper ended the call.

Hyatt's mind couldn't process what was happening, but eventually, he did, and when he did, he lightly shoved Lily into him, and pressed his lips onto hers. Through her body, the feelings of success, love, and pure, genuine happiness swam. She was literally lifted off her feet by his tall, strong body, and her lips formed perfectly against his. Through his, he felt remorse, sadness, and a peak of hope. But the hope faded, as did every other feeling, but one.
One feeling stayed in his head. In his heart. Love? No. He had never pictured Lily that way she was three years younger than him, practically just a kid at age 16. But somehow, he loved her. He couldn't focus right now. Just live in the moment, give into his feelings. His lips pressed so hard against Lily's that he was worried she was in pain, but inside her mind, she wanted it so much harder.
Her hand went up his shirt and rubbed his muscles, gripped his arms, and cradled his face in her hands.
He pulled her shirt up, and they tramped into the camper. He couldn't focus on his gone friends, his dead grandfather. They laid on the bed and slipped into the night, together, as one. For once, he wasn't thinking of Jemma, but of himself and what he wanted, and right now, all he wanted was Lily.


-to be continued?-

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That is all so far. If it gets high response, then I will continue. So far it is only 893 words though. . . . .so whatd'ya think?