Phunke's Grammar Lesson: Week 1

Hey all! I had this nifty idea where once a week, with my copious amounts of free time, -scoff- I'll write up on a grammar or writing-related topic. These may be educated, thought-out lessons or they may be semi-rants on grammatical errors that bother me. This week's lesson?

alot.

"Alot? But why is that in the grammar lesson? That's a word! I use it alot, Phunke!"

Well I am Phunke the Officially Certified RP Tutor Underling and I am here to tell you that loathe though the masses may be to admit it,
'alot' is not a word.
No, it isn't. Just no. Please, spare us all from this bane of the spelling nut's existence! I can't say it enough; alotisnotawordalotisnotawordalotisnotaword.
A lot.
Those are words. Those are words that you are permitted to use in a literary setting. You may use them a lot, if you wish.
But for those of you who say 'alot' a lot, you'd better sleep with your eyes open a lot of the time because I WILL FIND YOU. And believe me, I have Nala at my disposal, and she knows a lot of ways to kill.

...In conclusion, this week's grammar lesson is really not that difficult. It is, in fact, disgustingly simple but pertains to an error which is surprisingly pervasive in the writing community. That is to say, it's a mistake that shows up a lot.
Please please please with a whole lot of cherries and other delicious foodstuffs on top, remove this compound word from your vocabulary, because it is not a word at all. It is just a lot of trouble.

To further enforce this point, I recommend that you read the following highly educated literary analysis of this particular grammatical error:
hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Thanks and stay tuned for next week's idiotic rant grammar lesson! :D

Loveyoukthxbai.