dear diary. signed, me.

My mother told me that getting a diary would help me with my emotions. I am still not sure if what she's said was true. Of course, this is only the first entry, and I plan on making many many more, but even if I do rant and rave over how bad my life is, the anger and frustration and sadness will still be there. I wasn't really sure what to write either, so when I asked Mom, she said to write about what'd I'd been doing and what I planned to do. And she also said that whatever I was feeling should be written down too.

So, I did nothing today. Mom and I walked around. She's looking into getting a house for her and I but who knows. I know having a house would be for the best, but I can't help but think that it would restrict us. What we have now is a whole District. We are free to roam. Of course, the oil rigs and places are off limits, but really, there's no one stopping us. My mom knows some of the Peacekeepers, and she says that they'd be lax if they saw us doing anything wrong. Or something like that. Really, a house would be nice. I could have a room and paint it blue. And I could have a desk and a mirror to look at myself in. I would have a bed. Lord knows what that would do to me. I'd sleep in it for days and weeks at a time. Right now, we sleep in sleeping bags if we can't find some abandoned house, and sometimes we don't sleep. Especially on the nights like tonight, where there's a bolt of lightning every few seconds and rain pours. Mom somehow got a man to let us sit out on his porch for the night though, so we might get a few hours of sleep. Probably not much though.

I don't know what I plan on doing. What I wish i planned on doing is get a boyfriend. But Lord knows there is not any boy that would be interested in me. I'm a filthy, ugly, nobody boy who now writes in a diary and considers his mom as his best friend. Pitiful, isn't it? But if I had a boyfriend, maybe I'd just be happier overall. It'd make me not-wish-Xack-was-dead. Xack was a mean dad even when he thought I liked girls. He'd always say no when I'd ask him if I had permission to do stuff with my friends when I actually had some. I am just so glad that my mom, Xerena, was ten times better overall than Xack ever thought about being.

But that's about it for now.

See ya' tomorrow, Diary, self.