We Stand Up for Selfish Things {White Raven}

Enigma Lane

A sharp pain stabs through my heart the moment I open my eyes in the morning. It's been four years since Lainey died, but it still hurts to wake up without her by my side. It just so strange. We were together for twelve years, barely spending a moment apart, and then...She was gone. Just like that. And it's all my fault. It's always been my fault.

I vault myself out of bed. Today will be the day. The day that I do something crazy. Something to get me sent to the detention center. I have to go there. It's the only way to avenge Lainey's death, the only way I can get punished. No else understands that her death is my fault. No one else realizes I'm a murderer.

An apple for breakfast, that's all. I could eat more, but Mama isn't feeling well, so she needs the extra food. I know why she isn't feeling well. It's because of the Games. She always gets worse when the Games are going on. They remind her too much of Lainey. Papa's already left for work, and Mama's still sleeping. I won't wake her. She needs the rest. Besides, she doesn't remember Lainey when she sleeps. She told me that once. So why not let her keep sleeping, let her stay away from the pain of waking?

I should be working, too. I'm old enough to work. Mama doesn't want me too, though. And Papa and I do our best to make sure we don't do anything to upset Mama. She's been so different since Lainey died. So much more frail. She has always been chubby, even after Lainey died and she stopped eating for a while. But I still feel like I could snap her in two if I wanted. I'm not even that strong.

After finishing the apple, I head out into the street. What will get me into trouble? Fighting in public would, but I'm not very strong. Besides, I don't want to just punch some random person standing in the street. I could steal something. But I might not be noticed that way. No, I think the best thing would be to stand up high, a place where many people would be able to see me. Once there, I can start shouting about how horrible the Capitol is and things like that. The Capitol isn't to blame for my sister's death, but shouting insults and treasonous words seem like the best way to get sent to the detention center. I don't even know if what I've heard about the Capitol is true. Frankly, I don't care. The Capitol doesn't really matter to me. The only thing that matters is that Lainey's death is avenged.

I scan the buildings lining the streets. Could I get into one, find a stairway to roof? Maybe, maybe not. And then I remember. There's a great big rock near the market somewhere. It's not very tall, but I think it will still attract some attention to me. It doesn't really matter how tall it is, I suppose. At 6' 5", I already stand out in a crowd. Another five inches or so will be enough to make me stand out enough.

It takes me only a few minutes to reach the market, and a minute more to push through the crowd to the rock. I climb to the top. I really don't know what to say first to get people's attention. Look at me? No. A few people notice me and stare at me strangely. It occurs to me that this speech I'm about to give will probably be the most I've ever spoken at one time. I take a deep breath, still not sure what to say. Then it comes to me.

"People of District Eight-!" The words come out as a squeak. I clear my throat and try again. "People of District Eight!" I shout, my voice loud and crystal clear. I suppress a smile as faces turn to me. They're listening. "Are you tired of watching your children starve? Are you tired of struggling to feed your family? Are you tired of the Capitol letting us starve and go without the things we need while they live their lives never wanting for a thing? Then rebel! Join me, and stand against the Capitol! Make them see that we have free will! We will not go on living in poverty while they live in riches! Join me! We will show the Capitol!"

My voice fades. Adrenaline pumps through my veins and I can hear my heart in my ears. Has anyone listened to me? And most importantly, did the Peacekeepers hear?

(ooc-whoa. I've never had a post this long before...)