Dependent (Dice/Noelle vs. Pitfall Lizard)

Death.
The glimpse of it.
For a moment.

And then gone.

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

For an instant, the girl saw it approaching. It lingered, directly before her eyes, reaching for her, ready to carry her away. The young girl also saw a weak barrier, enduring Death as it got closer. The barrier was only rocks, stones, and even small pebbles. Frail it was: the girl knew. Only a few seconds before, the majority had crumbled, as Death had penetrated it forcefully. Now, only a little longer, and Death will have made its way through.

Only a little longer.
That was the scary thing.

Many people got a glimpse of Death at some point before it reached them. Death sometimes took their friends, siblings, or even parents away. Then, when it was your time, Death broke through the barrier: the barrier that protected you, the barrier built from the hands of Time. The girl with the glowing red hair knew that Time had disregarded her barrier by many means. Time was a very confusing thing. Although it seemed like Time was consistent, Time was easily unfair, and could be almost more brutal than Death itself. Time gave its assistance to some more than others, and now a certain girl was suffering the consequences of Time’s actions, or lack thereof.

It was a silly thing, the girl thought. The wall between her and Death was so close to tumbling, yet all she could think about was the irony of it all, and even more so, the humor. Had she really thought that she might grow old enough to know love; or to have children? Had she really spent her children dreaming up fantasies of what her life would be? Had she really let her life slip by, unfulfilled, forgotten, or even insignificant? No, she continued to remind herself. She wouldn’t die without a reason, without personal control, without fulfillment. That had been her goal since the beginning, hadn’t it? If she were to lose her life, she would at least look Death straight in the eyes. Strength would stop her from looking away and declaring shame.

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby.

She could hear her own voice, echoing with fragments of her past. She recalled her mini soliloquies, present as she tried to sooth her nerves during the reaping, during the games, and most of all, during Ruby’s death. Now, here she was, with a choice. She could either watch Death as it slowly broke through Time’s barrier, piece by piece; or she could die now, on her own terms, on her own account. She could break down the barrier herself.

She could die with her message fulfilled.

It was the bite that had done it: the lizard, or whatever it seemed to be, had attacked her. It seemed like just an animal at first, but when it had attacked, the girl knew it was a muttation. Only a few moments later, she realized…it was more than that. After a minute or so, the small amount of pain that had hit her hips, had started growing, stretching, and spreading. It took a few minutes for the girl to understand what it meant.

Poison, she realized. The mutt had poisoned her.

Being the slightly comprehensive person she was, she knew the poison would go into effect quickly: maybe not by the minutes, but at least once a couple of hours have passed. The moment she felt the poison, seeping, spreading, and making its way into her system, the girl did something very strange. She did not cry out nor did she panic. Instead, she giggled.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time.

Oh yes, she laughed in the face of dead. Why? Even she had no answer to that. Maybe it was the dream-like feel of it all, for almost none of it seemed real. Though, it was real. Very real. She couldn’t kid herself.

It was possible that she did not remember reality, she thought. Maybe the Games were never real; maybe she would wake up from this dream in such a happier place, a place where you didn’t have to worry about every moment being your last. Even if there was a place where such happiness existed, the girl wanted to remember her last moments here, wherever here might be, as a happy few seconds, or really as happy as anyone could get in a place like this.

Maybe it was the relief that caused her to laugh; for the girl knew, there was nothing she wanted more than to get out of this arena. Sometimes, though, she felt blind. She wasn’t always able to keep in mind the fact that she had to get out of here before it was too late, before she let insanity creep up on her again. The moment the poison entered her body, she was finally able to see. No, she could not physically see, but mentally, she saw truth. She could hear her own voice, telling her it was time to stop letting fear take over. It was finally time to be strong, to stop waiting for death, and instead to embrace it wholeheartedly.

Her life was in her own hands, and she would not let the Capitol steal that from her. She would die by no hands but her own. All it took was strength and bravery: traits she had always minorly possessed, as hidden as they sometimes became. She hated the Capitol; she hated what it had done to her. And now, she wouldn't let the Capitol take her life, as it had taken Ruby's, Carex's, and even Jenni's. I will live, the girl told herself.

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

[/color]

The girl could tell the poison was beginning to affect her; she could feel pain creeping up on her. She thought through her options. She knew there were no herbs, no plants that could kill poison. No, only antivenom: something that probably only the lucky tributes had, or at least the ones that had sponsors. She didn’t care to be healed though. She knew it was her time to go; her own voice kept telling her that, over and over. There were twenty-four kids in this arena; thinking that she should be the one to win these games was completely extraneous. From the beginning, she had known she would end up dead in these games. However, was she strong enough to accept it? The girl had changed over the course of these games, and more so, over the course of her life. She had come into these games with strength: enough strength to die with dignity. Did she still have that dignity? Would she ever find it again? She had so little time to search for any last remnants of her dignity. If she didn’t find it now, she knew it would be lost forever, in a wave of forgotten memories.

The girl put a hand to her chest, where a pendant shaped as a pinecone rested softly. What a silly pun, she thought, but that fact made her smile.

Noelle Pines. That was the girl’s name. She remembered it now, and it echoed loud and clear through her composed thoughts. It was the name she both feared and honored. She still failed to understand the meaning of her name. How could one name match anyone for an entire lifetime? To Noelle, one name wasn’t enough. How could one name represent all of the change, all of the drama, and all of the development that occurs in a lifetime? One lifetime could hold so many personalities, so much change. One name was never enough, especially in her case.

Noelle made a split-second decision: she would no longer feel weak. She promised herself this. Her last minutes would be strong; nothing else. She had let weakness conquer her too much already. Weakness had been her escape in these games; her own weakness had even resulted in the death of Larae, which brought a pang of guilt to her stomach. Noelle tried to ignore any pain, and even more so, the weight of the poison as it rushed through her veins, declaring its presence. Weakness would not get the best of her this time. “Dice,” she said a bit too desperately, her voice coming out less confident than she had hoped. Now that she knew what was coming, there was no point in having fear. So why was she still shaking; why did she feel scared of the future, when there was really nothing to lose?

Noelle sensed Dice on her left side. Quickly, before he could say anything, she reached out for him, wanting to cling to his hand. She immediately felt the coarse but warm touch of his hand in hers, and a shiver ran down her spine. If anything, she wanted this moment before it was gone, so she snatched the moment with everything she had left, promising not to let go: not yet at least. She needed a few more minutes, before everything faded away, piece by piece. Noelle knew that she had to be quick at whatever she was about to do; the mutt would attack soon, if she let time slip by. Before anything more could happen, Noelle leaned in towards Dice, her lips making contact with his own. His lips were warm, just like his hands. She had gotten it right this time; there was no mistake. Luck had overcome Noelle as she felt his lips against her. This time, there was no embarrassment, no regret. Her face was not red the way it had been the first time they kissed; instead, her face was almost glorious. For a moment, nothing else mattered; everything was the same; nothing would change. Time was frozen, Death had disappeared, and the poisonous mutt that had attacked Noelle, didn't matter anymore. Two humans: that was all that was left, and that was all that mattered.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

Noelle moved a bit closer to Dice, embracing him tightly, never wanting to let go. He had done too much for her; he had brought her out of her own loneliness. Noelle sustained the kiss for only a few seconds, wanting it to be the last happy memory that lingered with her, but wanting Dice not to be left in danger. She barely knew Dice, except for by the few stories he had told her, but she didn’t have to. Of all people, he had been the one to care about her safety, the one person who willingly began a conversation with her in the training center, the one person who she felt she could really see, even being blind. Even though she had barely told him anything besides her name, he accepted her; he cared about her more than almost anyone she knew—or at least, anyone alive. Tears trickled down Noelle’s face, and she finally let go of the kiss, still wanting to stay in Dice’s arms forever. However, she wasn’t going to be that selfish.

If she was staying behind, Dice was moving on.

What had lasted only three or four seconds at most, seemed like hours. This was still the arena, not a fairytale. Noelle knew the kiss couldn’t last. As much as she wanted to show the Capitol she had control, her control was still limited when it came to Dice. Though, Noelle couldn’t bring herself to let go of one of the things she would most miss. She didn’t know what Dice was feeling, or if he felt anything for that matter. However, Noelle knew that neither in life nor death would she ever regret that kiss. It was the first real, intentional kiss she had ever had. The previous one she had shared with Dice had been almost accidental. This one had been so real, that Noelle had her doubts.

Noelle smiled through the tears that fell down her face. “Dicentra Gambler,” Noelle whispered calmly, trying to get her words out quickly, before the mutt attacked again. “I don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling right now…but I just want you to know…you’re one of the best people I’ve ever gotten the chance to meet.” She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she felt like she already had. The kiss had proven it; though, was it really love that she had felt? Love from a girl of only fourteen? For someone who had only entered her life about a week ago? She hoped it was, because the feeling swarmed through her. It was the only thing she had left to hold onto, before it was all wiped away. It was a feeling that had been unfamiliar to her before she had met Dice, before she had sat next to him in the marsh, and even before she had ended up here, struggling to let go of him. Now, it brought tears to her eyes, knowing that she’d have to leave him, and that he’d eventually have to leave her.

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand


If she followed through with this, or more precisely, if she killed herself, Dice would live. He would have the chance to escape. Wasn’t that what Noelle had wanted? She nodded to herself as she felt the bittersweet taste at the edge of her throat. She would do this for his sake.

Noelle, letting go of Dice, took one hand and undid the clasp that held together her necklace. She pulled the necklace away, off her neck, looking, for the last time, at the pinecone pendant: it not only showed representation of her home—District 7, with all of its many trees—but also, it marked her as “Noelle Pines.” She smiled, remembering how that saying had carried her through these games, when she had started to let go of herself. She recalled the moments when she would remind herself of who Noelle Pines really was by giving herself little sayings to go by. Now, as she felt the little pinecone between her fingers, the only epigram that came to mind was: Noelle Pines, the girl who would die with dignity. That's what she wanted, but is that what she'd do? Trying to speed up the process for the sake of Dice's safety, Noelle took her token and dropped it in Dice's hand.

"Think of me," she said softly. She wondered if he knew what she was about to do; even more importantly, she wondered if he’d let her do it. Just as she was about to move away from him, she took the sword from his hand. She felt guilty for snatching it, but she knew it was her only choice. She didn’t have time to ask his opinion. Physically letting go of Dice was painful, as she moved away. It was even more painful knowing that she was about to leave him, and the rest of the world, forever. "I have to go. You have to run." Noelle whispered, more tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks.

There's a boy here in town says he'll love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by.[/color]

She had come to admit it by now: she was still afraid. Who wouldn’t be? Death was a scary thing. She had spent so much time trying to preserve her life, and here, all of that work was about to go to waste. Noelle lifted the sword and did her best to hold it at arms-length, though it was much too long. She had to hold it partly along the blade with her two hands, for she could not reach the hilt. She held the sword in front of the place where her heart supposedly lay, beating vociferously against her chest. She wondered what the pain would be like after she brought it through her heart. Noelle wasn’t quite accustomed to pain yet, or at least not physical pain. She had survived this arena with nothing more than a shallow cut and of course, quite a bit of poison. However, it went much deeper than that, Noelle knew. Mentally, she had faced extravagant, almost unbearable pain. Noelle took a deep breath. Real strength was all she needed: not the strength to kill someone, but the strength to kill yourself.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time.[/color]

Noelle was to leave her life with a message fulfilled; that was a guarantee. Her next few words, she addressed to the Capitol. “You’ll never kill me!” she shouted. “Never! My spirit is in my hands…and no one can take it from me unless I give it to them! And I haven’t given you anything! I owe you nothing!”

After one last breath, she thrust the sword towards herself, and instant pain washed over her. It pierced her chest and she suddenly felt herself falling into the hands of Death. Everything had frozen again and Noelle had ripped through Time’s barrier herself: the one that had previously guarded her from Death.

However, Death kept dropping her.

Let it be over, the girl thought. Another wave of pain washed over her. She couldn’t tell what was going on anymore; her senses had stopped working as pain washed over everything. She reached for Dice’s hand, wanting to know he was there.

put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done.[/color]

Some people say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Noelle had heard this many times, from people who thought they knew what death was like. Somehow, she had never believed it. The fact that she was scorched in blindness didn’t do much support to the fact either. Though, for an instant, Noelle knew she was wrong. Everything seemed to be pouring out of her altogether: her thoughts, her dreams, and her unspoken words. They were jumbled inside her head, ready to escape. She tried to pick apart each memory, holding on tightly before they crawled away from her.

The room was dark and silent, something that seemed to be quite rare in the household. Silence only existed late into the night, during that moment between night and morning when sleep washed over the faces of the Pines’ children. Still, a young girl with blazing red hair was unable to keep her eyes shut. She got up from her bed, and ran quickly to the other side in the room. “Jenni! Jenni!” the girl whispered, as she stood next to her sister’s bed. The girl so-called Jenni woke, smiling slightly but grimly. “Are you okay, Jenni?” Her concern for her older sister was too sweet, for tears were forming in Jenni’s eyes.

“Yes, I’m alright, Noelle. You don’t need to worry about me.” Though, Noelle did worry: day and night. Her sister had cancer, and there was nothing she could do about it; there was nothing anyone could do about it. Any sort of minor treatment cost too much, and any sort of money commitment was out of the question.

Jenni was dying.

“But I don’t want you to leave me,” Noelle whispered, tears in her eyes. Her sister sat up in her bed, and then grabbed the young girl’s hand. How was she so calm about it? Even the seven-year old Noelle knew what was going on: Jenni had told her all of it.
“I’m not leaving yet,” she said. “I just have…bad luck.”
“Do I have bad luck, Jenni?” Noelle asked, afraid of Jenni’s fate.
“No, you have good luck, Noelle. You’ll live a long happy life …and I’ll make sure of it.” The older sister smiled and Noelle saw the shadow of a tear trickling down the girl’s face.

Noelle choked for air as she thought of Jenanine, the girl who had died because her family didn’t have enough money, because she had been born with bad luck. Bad luck: was it a hereditary thing? Because she was pretty sure that everything she had been forced to live through, wasn’t the result of karma. It was all luck, as Jenanine had said.

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
There worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll here the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'.

Noelle thought the memories were over; she thought that her lack of breath meant she was dying and was finally able to escape, though she couldn’t be more wrong. Memories were still seeping out of her mind like a river. Noelle felt them in her hands. She couldn’t see them, but she felt them. She heard them too, ringing softly in her ears.

The next one was the most painful to recall.

Water: quiet, calm water. Birds, chirping softly. Then, a girl with flashing green eyes and a mess of blazing red hair.
The girl slipped her shoes off and jumped into the small creek, clothes and all. The girl, who looked about eight, began talking. No one else was there. The young girl was speaking to herself, making up imaginative games as she circled the water. She was a happy girl…lonely, but happy. The girl’s head disappeared under the water, and when it came back up again, her eyes were focused on something: another girl, at the edge of the creek, looking down at her. “What are you doing here?” The red-haired girl snapped. She was obviously annoyed that someone had invaded her imagination.

“I don’t know,” the other girl said, clearly a bit shy.

The redhead made her way out of the water, soaking, but barely shivering. “Go away,” she said rudely. She didn’t want people annoying her; she wanted to have fun, even if it meant playing by herself.

“No,” the other girl said stubbornly, crossing her arms. The redhead girl stopped in her tracks and stared at her, wide-eyed. Had she just been challenged? She took a step to her left, about to respond…but her feet met with muddy grass, and she slipped, about to slam back into the water. The other girl reached out to grab her hand, trying to keep her from falling. Though, the red-haired girl smiled, and instead of pulling herself up, out of the water, she pulled the other girl down, into the water. She giggled as they both fell in, though the other girl immediately started panicking. “I can’t swim!” she shouted nervously.

“It’s easy, just kick your legs and try to stay afloat…” the redhead girl replied nonchalantly. The other girl nodded and tried. After a minute or two, she stopped panicking, able to stay above the water. She giggled.
“I’m Ruby,” the girl said, as though nothing had happened.
“Noelle,” the red-haired girl said, smiling.

From that day on, Noelle was no longer lonely; she had found a friend that cared, but a friend that she would one day lose…just like Jenanine. Ruby was only another girl, lost to the vicious games. Just like Noelle, Ruby had ended up on the short end of things.

Good times never lasted.

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song[/color]

The memories of Ruby were the hardest to watch. Noelle clutched Dice’s hand even harder as they flashed by. Or did she? She didn’t even know if Dice’s hand was there. She wasn’t sure if it was; it could have been her imagination. She desperately hoped he was still beside her. Though, she couldn’t say she was sure of it. The thoughts in her head were so thick and vociferous, she could barely decipher reality. When would it end?

Sure enough, she was still too heavy for Death to carry. Too much life remained within her; too much for Death tohold. All she could do was wait and bear the pain. Little tears, more of relief than of anything else, fell down Noelle’s cheeks. She wanted one last moment of sight: one last moment to see the many colors that used to drown her in awe. She felt like she could see very vaguely in her memories. She could almost imagine her own sight, though she couldn’t grasp sight in any such memory. As memories whipped through her head, her visions in them were only vague small sights. She couldn’t actually see the color of the sunset, or the texture of the trees.

Colors: they were what she missed most. Colors were too much to her; they described the world in so many ways that words couldn’t. Life was just a mixture of colors thrown together, with so many changing colors, and even more, growing. If only she could see colors one last time… It was a hopeless wish.

Noelle’s breathing became heavy, and she felt sweat running down her forehead. She wanted it to end; she wanted to die. Though, fear rushed through her: fear of being alone again. She was so close to death, yet the pain was still coming: enough pain for her to want to scream, to curse at herself for surviving this long.

However, she had no ability, nor energy, to do that.

She watched, or more precisely, listened as the last pieces of her memories poured out of her: the ones she most regretted and the ones she most loved. She recalled Ruby’s death…the death she had been forced to see on television, the death that left her back where she had started: loneliness. She remembered the reaping when she had been first picked. She recalled her insanity as another girl stepped up to take her place: another person dead because of her. Then, she remembered her name being called a second time…Oh the irony. It was all too much. Though, somehow she had pushed through it, avoiding insanity. She had recollected the strength she possessed as a young child, and she had gone into the games without question.

What did life have to pay her back? Death. After fourteen years of dreaming up fantasies, fourteen years of doing everything she could to stay alive in spirit, she had to let go. Let go, she told herself. Let go of this life…you have the strength to do it.

Her family was waiting, somewhere, faraway. They were waiting for her to return. Noelle could almost imagine Bernie, her bright green eyes glued to the television, her voice silent, as she sat on Ryn’s lap. She imagined Bernie frozen, too silent for tears. Then, there was Ryn, thinking it was his fault as he looked down at the floor in shame. Ryn, it's not your fault... Noelle wanted to tell her older brother. Though, she knew he heard her anyways; even if he didn't believe her, he always heard her. But the real question remained: where was her mother? Was she in the kitchen, feeding the rest of the Pines children? Or was she in front of the television, listening to her daughter’s last words? It was a question Noelle would never have an answer to. Had she underestimated her family’s care, or were they really paying no attention? If only she knew...

Life was slipping away from her; she felt it escaping her grasp. She was leaving this world fulfilled, like she had promised herself. Nothing else mattered now. She had spoken what she needed to, and although she had so many words left, they were trivial. Let go, her mind repeated for the final time.

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them oh

She blinked, suddenly feeling numb. For a moment, she saw the entire world before her. She saw the blue-shaded sky, the scorching golden sun, and the green, human-like trees. The moment passed quickly, but still, Noelle smiled. She had nothing left to worry about. It was over. Fear was nonexistent.

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time.

The girl with blazing red hair, had only a few seconds left.
Her heart was slowing. Her breathing was weak.
Yet, she smiled through her tears of relief. No longer was she afraid.
She took one last breath, before Death wrapped its arms around her, this time, without letting go.

Noelle Pines was dead.

But her spirit hung in midair, ready to find life again.



Song -- If I Die Young by The Band Perry
[/color][/blockquote][/justify][/size]