Letters you can't send

Hey,

We've known each other for what, twelve years now? Yes, I believe so. We've been through everything together, you know? You're my (pardon for the cliché) brother from a different mother. We know everything about each other; what we eat for breakfast, how much I distaste math (although you love it like whoah). We ran a proboards site together, and got into big arguments. And that's b/c I know you too much - I know everything about you. Or at least, now I know everything about you.

But there's something you need to know that I'm not ready to tell you. And I know that you and Mel told me already, but I just can't. I don't want to tell you because I'm so scared of what happens next. I know you'll take it just fine - you'd understand. But then what? What comes next? Do I just scream it from the top of rooftops? Tell everybody I meet? Start to act upon it? It really isn't you who's at fault for it. It's me, because I'm too weak and scared to do anything about it.

So this is why I can't tell you what you told me last month. Because I don't want it to get any worse than it already is. And if that means avoiding Mel because she's the only one that knows, so be it. If that means that I don't gain you as support, so be it. Because I'm just too upset about what's going to have to come next to move my playing piece a few more steps up the gameboard.

Sorry.