since when does no mean yes // [south!]

[683B3B] [DACFCF] [99623D]

The sun was shining its rays of light through my window, basking my room with heat and warmth. Too bad I had no window where the sun could come through and all it was was a simple light fixture above my head, accompanied by the heating that the complex was surely receiving because of the weather outside. Still, it made everything much easier as I pushed myself out of bed and out from underneath my covers, allowing the air to come in contact with my bare body. I preferred to sleep in nothing but under garments just for the mere fact that it was comfortable. It wasn't like anybody would walk in and catch me in my white boxers with little dogs on them. They were for me to feel comfortable in my bed so I could get to sleep. Why not strip off everything else?

Travelling over towards my clothing cabinet, I picked out a simple pair of denim pants, a t-shirt and finally, a dark red sweater to go over top. I didn't plan on heading outside. It would be dumb to head out without a jacket and a hat, yeah, so that's why I kept it on the end of my bed, available if need be. The weather was rough today, at least according to the old man who would always wander around the tunnels at night. He seemed to always know what it looked like, out in the barren wasteland of what our District used to be. I sighed while looking in the mirror, not caring to fix up my hair. It would be fine for today. It was usually messy anyways, so what was the difference. There was no difference at all, if you really thought about it. Running my hand through it was just about all I did before heading through the simple, metal door that was installed to separate my bedroom from the rest of our apartment complex.

The door to the main hallway was already open, something my mother really enjoyed doing. She liked to talk to everybody that passed by. I didn't mind it either. There would always be somebody who had an interesting story to tell. Sometimes I'd hear about how things used to be before District Thirteen was destroyed. Rarely though. Not many people wanted to talk about the worst day in our history as a District. I slipped into the hall, hoping to search the underground system for at least one of my friends. That wasn't that hard to do as most of the teenagers who lived under the earth knew me well enough that I could keep a conversation going with them.

Passing by the cafeteria, I gave a quick nod to the man behind the counter. I still didn't know his name but he often gave me a bit extra just for the hell of it. My guess was that he probably knew my mother. Who knows what they did together. Actually, I'm glad I don't know. That's just gross. One of these days, it would probably be smart to stop by and introduce myself once and for all. Maybe he thinks I'm some important person or something. Wouldn't that be cool? I could play along with it and feel all awesome and stuff while eating food. Maybe he'd let me into the back and I could see how they did everything. Cooking was a mystery to me. I mean, how could you get a raw piece of meat into something so delicious without using some sort of sorcery or Capitol machine? Did sorcery even exist? That would be pretty sweet. I wish I could do magic. It would make things so much easier.

But then again, I had many of the things in life that I wanted. I had a beautiful girlfriend who was wanted by lots of the guys around District Thirteen. I mean, she had everything going for her and all of that stuff. Wasn't she like, the top girl around here? Yeah, something like that. And she was my girlfriend. She picked me and she could basically have anybody she wanted. I mean, I'm not exactly ugly and the fact that I'm fairly popular too probably has a part in it but still, it's pretty cool of her, you know. But yeah, everything I've ever needed and everything I've ever wanted has been given to me and I rarely have to work for it. Or maybe I do have to work for it. It might just come to me so easily that it seems to be nothing at all. That would make sense. Hmm, it's cool when you realize something. Actually sort of fun.

There was one thing I didn't have though. And that was a place to belong. Yeah, yeah, I know. Somebody's going to probably say that I am super popular and well known and stuff. I belong with everybody. No, not really. I'm not the same as I am with my friends. They don't know everything about me. My own girlfriend doesn't even know about what I like to do in my spare time. I only like to do it when I'm all alone and if anybody walks in on me, I just feel awkward and embarrassed and all of that. Sometimes I'll do it while taking a shower in the small room down the hall, sometimes in my bedroom with my door shut tight. I've only been caught once and now I can't even look the guy in the eye without feeling like he's judging me. That's my personal thing and he kind of just waltzed in and saw me in action.

Oh shit, I don't mean anything sexual! I'm talking about singing. I don't know, it all started a while ago. I had heard a small tune from the hallway and I just felt like singing along with it. I felt good about myself. And apparently, I was talented enough that the man felt good too. See, now whatever I say sounds sexual now that I realized I could have been describing something much more private. Still, both of them are things I'd never want somebody finding out about. Not that I do the other thing! I sing. While alone. Because everybody would judge me and think I was weird if they knew I could sing. They considered that girly. That's what my closest guy friends said, at least. Who knows if the girls would like it. Either way, I'd never sing in front of anybody. No way, no how.

So, I'd often head into the small room that was far from everything else to wash up. I'd bring some shorts that could get wet and change into them. Then I'd let the water fall down and I'd sing. Nobody ever walked by. Everything important was off in the other direction. I could do what I wanted and not have to feel embarrassed about it. I liked the way it was. Nobody could change my routine. It was fine the way it was. I'd sing by myself, nobody would ever know and I'd be able to keep my social status as well as all the things I've ever loved. Like my girlfriend. And my friends. And my future. I didn't have a future with being a talented singer. If I was even that talented. In my opinion, I wasn't even that good. Just good enough to not break glass or kill puppies or make little babies cry. I liked being the way I was. Confusing, clueless, popular and hiding a secret. A secret that nobody would ever need to know. Yeah, that was good. Everything was fine the way it was.



[[ooc; okay, it's probably a really bad post but it's his first so yeah, I'll hopefully get better as the thread goes on. I also used write or die so it may be a little messy and yeah. xD]]