i'm not sure what happens next.

Awwww! CAIT! I hope you are okay! -send love- <333

Firstly, I hope your dad is okay, and that everything is fine. Secondly, I'm not going to kill you - take as much time out as you need, okay? Um, I'm so tired I literally cannot think of the words to say anything right now but I really want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I'm here if you need anything although there is kind of nothing I can do but anyway. And I know everyone says that but I really truly mean it okay. <3
That probably made no sense.

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Family comes first. We will be here when you come back. Good luck with your dad. Hope it is nothing to serious. Good luck and my blessings is with your family.

Okay, um so hopefuly this will be the last update I have to give.

Um anyway dad got back home this afternoon, results and all. And I'm really not in the mood to go through all the details half of you won't understand them anyway but there's goodish and bad news.

Good news - he isn't suffering from any type of cancer anywhere in his body, which was a possible outcome as the heart apparently has to work harder to keep the body system going when the cancer has reached the stage after being dormant for a certain period of time. That's the stage that it becomes active and starts doing some pretty shit damage. So that's the best we could have hoped for, 'cause cancer's a hell of a bitch and sure does mess you around.

Bad news - unfortunately there is something wrong with his heart, it could quite easily be a form of cardiovascular disease which apparently isn't fatal in early stages, thank god I still don't know much as you can tell. But the main thing gathered from the CT scans searching for tumours in the body is that whatever is causing his heart to increase in size could "potentially hurt him" in doctor's terms, meaning it's not as harmless as we had hoped it would be. More scans will have to be done in the near future, which could weaken him immensely. So while he will be very weak he won't be at his job as often which is a worry 'cause no money for us :( But we'll get by.

Anyway, main message here is that he needs me now more than he ever has, and I have to be there for him. He's always there for me and I'm always such a bitch to him, I really am. He still stays with me though, and I'm just realising everything that Meg and Clover have been trying to tell me i'm an idiot yes. It's really helping me, you guys <3

Honestly right now I have absolutely no words so sorry for the lack of um whatever this is meant to have. Just sitting around home listening to depressing songs, my heart feels like the heaviest freaking weight. I'm so jumbled up right now, I might pop in every now and then but my dad needs me more than you all do right now, and you'll all live without me.

I've literally tried writing this a million times okay only like 7 and this isn't a permanent leave, but if I'm not around for a while then I'm hopefully not dead. Though I don't plan on abandoning anybody I owe bios/posts/threads/anything else to. I'll probably have more time off school now, and with holidays coming up quickly it's very convienient. Just, I love you all, and I'm honoured to have met all of you. I want to say so much but I can't right now. I feel like a better person even though I've only been here for 5 months. You're all amazing, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't, 'cause they know nothing at all. gbles you all. <3 xoxoxo.

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