the park bench [Zoe]

There was a peace in being with Edrys. She wasn’t too big of a fan of small talk so often they’d just sit. There was absolutely nothing wrong with sitting. But most of his classmates would find it just awkward, sitting quietly that is. Otherwise, Mat is pretty sure that his classmates would be fine with him shutting up for good. Every word that came out of his mouth was usually welcomed by a sea of scowls, especially when taking about Edrys. They had such hatred towards him and her that it was scary. Mat never actually understood where it festered from. How could people have such hatred in their
hearts? Especially of someone who was so nice.

Edrys was very quiet, it was almost as if she were upset, Mat couldn’t even bear the thought. He was about to reach out and touch her when another boy sat down. Mat knew the dark haired boy, but only from seeing him in the halls. It was easy to say he was a part of the group that talked about Edrys and him behind their backs because everyone in school did that. Though, he’d never caught this boy doing it in particular, which was odd. Perhaps he was nice? The idea seemed a little bizarre really. Everyone Mat had ever experienced lately in District 7 whispered and snickered as he walked by.

Even though he didn’t seem to be hurting anyone, Mat still tensed up as he sat next to him. The peaceful moment had completely been snapped in half. He became suddenly aware of the hard wooden bench beneath him and his feet fell flat on the ground. He felt very heavy, and all warmth of the moment dropped making him really finally realize how cold it’d become. It was very weird how much he got caught up in his own little world when he was with Edrys. Their own little personal bubble. It felt almost like an insult that this boy had come along and popped it, but he wouldn’t complain.

“Thought you could do with some company, seeing as you’re all alone out here.” Company. That was nice. But Mat already had company, Edrys. That’s all he’d ever need. She had awoken and sat up on the bench. Clearly, she was trying to process the boy to see whether he was good or not, he didn’t seem to notice though. Nobody did. His action was nice enough, to come and talk to him, but it was rude to ignore Edrys. Perhaps he’d been told to ignore Edrys. It seemed to be a game that everyone liked to play, even his parents. She was a curse to everybody else, so they ignored her. It was cruel and unusual to just pretend she was invisible.

Mat sat up on the bench, back no longer touching the seat. He didn’t want to be very mean to the boy who seemed to be quite nice, perhaps he just wanted to bring Mathias in to his group of friends. But without Edrys. Everyone always wanted him to leave Edrys. He clasped his hands together and took in a deep breath. Mat didn’t like confrontation but he really needed to tell the boy that he wasn’t interested. As he was about to speak up, he hesitated as Edrys cleared her throat. He looked back to her as she shook her head, curls bobbing. “Leave it.” She insisted with a smile, this never bugged her as much as it bugged him. Mat only smiled back if she didn’t want him to say anything, he wouldn’t.

“I’m going to go on a little walk myself, have fun.” She jumped off the bench and smiled reassuringly, saying ‘it’ll be ok’ with just her smiled. She waved to him, and the boy and walked away. Her light steps couldn’t be heard against the crunchy snow, and again she left no footprints. Mathias always found that so weird. He waved after her as she walked away.

“Alone, now, I suppose.” Each word came with a pause in between, he never really talked to anyone besides Edrys. Normally, their conversations flowed so smoothly but he was used to talking to her, about everything. Years of social isolation had made him extremely nervous when talking to people who weren’t Edrys or his parents. He longed after her now, wishing he hadn’t left. She seemed to have disappeared already through the park so Mat just followed the path where she left with his dark eyes, hoping to catch one more glimpse of her.

It was alright that she left, he supposed. Mathias guessed that she wanted him to branch out more, to get new friends, which wasn’t something he necessarily wanted. He turned back to the boy and gave a toothy grin. He’d seen people do that quite often in the halls. It was a nice thing to do to say hello, he’d assumed. “I’m Mathias.” He stuck out his hand right near the boy, he’d been taught that people typically shake hands. The whole situation felt weird and out of place for him.

He wouldn’t let the boy slip away though. This was his first interaction with someone in a while, though it’d only been a sentence, it was progress. Progress was always great. Working towards a goal. Edrys told him that he needed a little more ambition, he couldn’t go through life being nothing in a paper factory. He needed to support her. Get her that great big castle, with the towers. To do that, he needed to learn how to advance in the world. Social interaction was the first step. So he turned, and smiled, he would smile until his face felt like it was going to fell off. And he’d keep smiling after that if one day he could get Edrys that great big castle.

Mathias still helplessly stared at that one spot where he’d seen Edrys disappear to. He’d shaken the boys hand, he’d been friendly, why hadn’t she returned? Did she leave for good again? Mathias wouldn’t be able to handle that at all. He still remembered the day that she had once left.

They’d been sitting in his room as per usual, Edrys in her corner, huddled up in a ball. Her slender around wrapped themselves around her legs as she rested her tired head on her knees, grateful for some rest. She didn’t have to work, but at home she would stay awake all night trying to avoid her father. Mat had never spotted a single scar on her, but why would she lie? Didn’t emotional scars burn deeper though? He sat back on his bed and gazed at the roof. It was that popcorn type ceiling, he never had understood the purpose of why that was there, but then again, he’d never bothered to ask. Upon further thought, he realized he wasn’t even all that interested.

“I think you should trash the paper factory.” It came bluntly and out of the blue, the tired little girl suddenly wasn’t so curled up. She had spread her legs out and now leaned back against the wall. It seemed like the idea had excited her quite a bit. Edrys smiled wildly, as if trashing the factory would send her father straight down to hell. But he’d had enough, Mat didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want to destroy, he didn’t want to get in to trouble. Edrys was so enthused by the idea. “Do it.” She hissed at him, it was a common occurrence. When she got excited about things like this she would hiss at him until he agreed.

This time was different though, Mathias refused to agree. I want to be free, I want to fly like the birds.
The ceiling seemed to be crashing down piece by piece as Edrys stepped to her feet. She wasn’t used to his refusal, usually it only took a few tries and he would comply. Mat got to his feet as she did and almost fell right back down from the glare in her eyes. Her wild blue eyes had turned in to a dulled sadness that he couldn’t quite describe. “So you refuse?”

Mat bit his lip until it bled. He knew if he continued the conversation, she would eventually make him cave in. He almost passed out as he felt the thick red liquid start to fall on to his awaiting tongue. It stung like crazy, so all Mat did was nod his head. No, he wasn’t going to do, and she, Edrys, couldn’t do anything about it. That’s when she left him: alone and with a bleeding lip. Edrys walked out the door without a sound, he didn’t hear his front door click as she left. She had disappeared. His lip healed eventually, but she didn’t return to him.

He had looked all over, she didn’t show up at school. Mat had never been to her house out of fear of her father and what he might do. Mat spent nights and nights staring at his door. The one she’d walked out of a couple of weeks prior. His cheeks barely dried themselves from the tears that liked to race down his face. He just stared. The doorway almost held a curse to it, if he took his eyes off of it, he’d had to accept that she was gone. And she wasn’t, she’d never leave him. That, Edrys had promised him.

Here, on the cold park bench, Mathias could feel the same longing feeling. He could still see the spot on the horizon of the park in which she’d walked off. He could feel his anxiety level rising after each second passed and she didn’t return. Sweat started forming on his skin underneath his jacket even though it was quite cold. “Jesse.” The boy smiled back to him, Mat had almost entirely forgotten about him. How long had he been standing there? How long since he had introduced himself? It must have been an hour at least. He glanced quickly back to the spot afraid that he’d missed her approaching. He hadn’t.

"Mind if I sit down?" Mathias suddenly felt bad. Not only because Edrys, but because he was ignoring this Jesse guy. He wasn’t mean. Sure, he’d ignored Edrys when he’d arrived but he hadn’t done anything that had been particularly rude. Jesse hadn’t snickered, sneered, walked away. That was important, Mat thought, he hadn’t walked away. It took him a minute to process the question, which might have seemed like such an awkward thing.

He looked back to the spot, the one Edrys had walked away on. “Have fun.” The words dwindled in his mind, what had she meant? Did she actually want him to have fun? Was that sarcastic? He could never tell with girls they were so confusing. They’d say one thing and mean another. Edrys was really guilty of this. Often, she left Mat in such a confused state that he didn’t know how to respond. Would he go left or right if she told him to go left? If he did go left would she antagonize him for doing exactly as she’d told him.

Mat sighed, maybe he should take a chance. He looked at the spot once more. The snow was all crunched down from numerous people walking across it, though Edrys’s footsteps were nowhere to be seen, probably blended into the many that had come before. The bare trees moved ever so slightly from the cold winter wind. Still, she was nowhere to be seen. So he gave up, simple as that. It had been so simple, he just looked away.
Will it always be that simple?

Mathias realized that Jesse was still standing waiting patiently for a response. “Yes, you may sit.” He patted the spot next to him gently, indicating for him to sit there. He’d seen others do it before, it seemed friendly. Edrys usually sat a couple feet away. But Edrys, was here. Edrys wasn’t here. Mat stopped sweating as he had been initially, and sat up straight. He’d be strong. He would die for her, but he wouldn’t live for her. He smiled again to Jesse, trying always to be amiable.

“I don’t think we’ve met, actually, I mean, I don’t –“ Mat was stumbling over his words, trying to make a sentence he was happy with. The thing with talking to people that weren’t Edrys was that they were always forming hidden opinions. They’d never tell him what they truly thought of them. But, that was all the reason to be better, to be more confident. Increasing his fortitude, he arranged himself on the bench to become more comfortable. Taking a deep breath, he reassured himself mentally that he could do this. “I don’t think we’ve actually met, ever.” He spat out almost forcefully, but not too over the top. He didn’t want to seem too weird now. But didn’t he always seem weird?

It was a big place, Seven, that is. The District was notorious for it’s trees, considering it was the lumber District. During the summer time you would see tree upon tree across the landscape. Though, it wasn’t as beautiful as eleven, well, Mathias assumed it wasn’t as beautiful as Eleven. That was the problem with the District, they cut the trees. Sure, they had to, that was part of the job. And eventually the trees would grow back, but the whole idea just seemed so depressing.

Mathias wasn’t one of those tree huggers that he’d seen a few times in his days. No, that was too dangerous. There have been enough public beatings of those people to last a lifetime. They stopped production, and those who stopped business stopped living. Well, nothing so dramatic, a cat-of-nine across the back a few times and most of them stopped. Most. Mathias never really understood the passion behind those people and what they did, was it really worth it to be punished for what you loved? Would he ever be punished because of Edrys?

He’d always loved the trees; they gave a certain comfort that really was unexplainable. As a child, Mathias would go into the forest at night and sit on the stumps of the trees that’d be cut down. Each stump had a different amount of rings around them, which to an 8-year old seemed to be the coolest thing in the world. It was funny how quickly things could change. The rings soon turned into a thing of business, the more rings, the older the tree, and the worse quality of wood. Well, that wasn’t true. You wanted to get a middle-aged tree. It all seemed so silly.

The forest used to be Mathias’ favourite place to hide out as a child, not from anything in particular. There were no big bad wolves in his life, but still retreating to the woods had always seemed like a good idea. The trees were always so large and full of life, each branch had so many leaves and each leave aligned with another until the blocked out the night sky.

There was a particular spot in which Mathias had grown fond of. There was a single stump in the middle of a thick area of trees. If you lay next to the stump, you could still see the night sky through the many trees. All because one tree was missing. You could see the shining from all the stars in the night sky and the moon’s light would all collect in that one spot, right where the tree was missing.

Most people were afraid of the forest at night, but not Mathias, the forest during the daytime was the worst. It was so full of life, constantly. Every little vermin was awake and crawling through it. From the squirrels to the lumberjacks, there was a constant issue of running in to something or someone. The world seemed so large during the day, well, at least Seven did. It wasn’t like Mathias had ever escaped the perimeters of the District. They were kept there for a reason, things on the outside might not have been so good. He’d never known.

Some days, he wished he could fly like the birds who’d hide in the trees. At any sign of danger, they’d escape and fly away. Fly, fly, fly. And the birds would fly away often. With each passing day, with each tree being chopped down, a home would be lost quicker than a fire. Just a buzz, really. Their homes would return in five years or so, at least that’s how long Mathias thought it took to grow a tree. He wasn’t sure, he just made the paper.

Seven was a big place, too big for Mathias’ liking. One could go their entire lives without running in to most people in the District. It seemed so weird how large it was. He couldn’t even imagine what some of the other Districts may be like. I wish I was a bird so I could fly away.

Mathias nodded at Jesse, agreeing to his statement. It was a solid effort to nod ones head up and down. Especially because it wasn’t really something that him and Edrys would do. The silent communication thing, only using gestures, never really worked out for the two of them. It was either complete silence, or complete conversation. That was a kind of statement that Edrys would like, Mathias realized. She loved big ideas like that, death, entities. It was all so interesting to her, but she was gone.

"I don’t really do the small talk thing.” He admitted almost forcefully. Mathias didn’t want to seem too awkward, however the lack of actual meaningful conversation struck a small little fear that Jesse would walk away. What would happen then? Well, he’d be all alone. Edrys and Jesse gone. The whole situation was almost comical in a tragic way. Mathias had already become so dependant on Jesse, now that Edrys walked away. Is this what friendship is like? He apologized swiftly for his inability to say something interesting. He was often criticized for his lack of spontaneity. Grasping the park bench, Mathias sighed and stared up at the sky. If only conversation were easy.

Silence. Silence was a thing that over the years Mathias had grown to respect, to appreciate. Partly due to the fact that he only had one real friend. Edrys wasn’t much of a talker. Often, the blonde haired girl would hide her slightly freckled face into knobby knees and shut off from the world, as if no one was around, including Mathias. Sadness struck the poor girl too much, and Mathias could seldom do much to help. Her father, a big brutal merciless man, often beat her but Mathias had never seen the bruises, they were in spots that no one, especially Mathias, would like to see.

So, often, whilst Edrys curled up in her ball, vacant from the world around them, Mathias would just sit. Silence was something that most never really took advantage of. Without little bits of unnecessary small talk piercing the air, you could hear the birds who chirped tales of their flight or listen to footsteps clacking along dark sidewalks. You noticed more things, little specs of dust in the air, shadows that cross into each other almost intimately.

But the thing that Mathias liked most about silence, was that the little snickers and chatter that could be heard as he passed anyone was completely exterminated. There were no chuckles in silence. Sure, the wind seemed to laugh as it ran by, but that seemed so much less hurtful and more fun. Silence had slowly become an important part to life, had Silence never been there, where would Mathias be? So, he didn’t find the conversation with Jesse all that awkward, in fact it felt more safe than anything. The feeling of safety that he often associated with silence. Perhaps, Jesse, in a form was silence. That was a thought that almost gave Mathias a little hope for a friendship.

Without a safety net, without Edrys, life seemed almost easier. But that was only an illusion. Even the thought of the girl of his dreams made his palms sweaty, where was she? Was this punishment? “Sorry I’m poor company.” Mathias barely registered the words as he glanced across the distance, where was she? Since her departure, it had been a solid five minutes. What was taking so long? How long could a walk take? Was she angry? Was she upset? What if she left again? Mathias’ eyes glazed over as he trapped himself back in to his mind. This couldn’t be happening, not another disappearance. He’d barely survived the last one – suddenly remembering Jesse, Mathias turned to him.

“Have you seen a blonde girl anywhere – she was just here.” His voice was almost frantic. “I’m just, I’m sorry, she was supposed to be here and she’s –“ Looking around the park, confirming his suspicions. “not.”