cut y o u deals | julian

show me the sidestreets in your life
train yards like boneyards sharpened knives
sidewalks are unassuming fields
concrete and cracks won't cut you deals
lost teeth like white jewels of some kind

It's strange because I don't miss home.

I told my parents not to come because I would be so busy and that they could watch me at home and that I'd be fine and that I'm responsible and that I needed time to myself. They understood. Because I came out of the closet and Morgaine is pregnant. I never knew months could go by so slow. I just want to die but at least I'm openly gay now. I can't look Morgaine directly in the eyes without tearing up and I haven't drank since I found out she was pregnant. I just thought I could use her as a cover-up for a while until I got the courage to come out. I didn't know how long that would've taken, but I think it would've hurt Morgaine less than getting knocked up and then telling her. Sometimes, I ask myself, What's wrong with me? And sometimes, I don't really want to know.

- - - - - -

Walking alone, I never felt more apart of something. I feel like I'm finally someone, even if I'm not doing too well here, people know who I am. People walk by me, but it doesn't mean like the same stampede of District Two, it feels more uniform, more professional. Every time someone passes me, I just can't help but think if I'm going to verse them in an event, and I'm sure I'm going to go up against a few of them. I see two people talking together and walking, a blond boy sitting on a bench, and a few people eating. As I walk towards the general direction of the boy on the bench, I realize that's not just any blondie. That's Julian Bryze. The Victor. The pep in my step increases as I approach him. I'm finally standing next to him, my heart pounding.

"Ju-Julian?" I start to say, stumbling over words. "Br-Bryze?" I can barely talk. All my life I thought of what it would be like to meet a Victor, and now I'm at a loss of words. "Wow." All I can do is just stare at him and I wonder if I look as stupid as I feel.

riding trains to the end of lines
still we've got nothin but time
the skyline looks brighter tonight
lets go smash out every light
your left foot in front of right