Haunting [Cass]

The district was familiar, Nom Nom could remember every twist and turn in the district, and he knew what kind of secrets were hiding in these houses. He knew the types of people. A little while Nom Nom wouldn’t have cared, he grew out of caring after he left the district, after he left Bird, but when Dominic died it all changed. Nom learnt who he should be. He learnt exactly who the Capitol was. He was now a Peacekeeper going against them. But he had yet to summon the courage to say so. To tell anyone for the matter. He just wished he could have told Dominic, but to be true he would have never changed. It was because of his death that it all had changed permanently. Nom still glared at the district people, they still glared at him, but behind that cold glare was sympathy. He knew how they felt. He had lost someone he truly cared about. Someone one would call a friend. The word was foreign to Nom. He had never had a real friend and he still stumbled over it whenever he caught himself saying it.

Nom knew how they felt, to watch year after year, to see child after child die. Your family and friends killed by other children, it is horrible. Nom has never cried in his life, but he cried when Dominic died. When Dominic died everything changed. When you lose the only person you were ever close to you lose yourself. Nom shook his head. That was not true. He had Bird. A smile plays at the edge of his lips, one he finds hard to keep down. He missed Bird... BB his little nickname for her. His smile turned into something more bitter as he thought of what had happened to her, something no child should ever go through. He shook his head slightly he wondered if she still remembered him. After all it had been four years and back then Nom had only just been a PK in training. He stares at the dull streets of the district it reminded him a lot of district seven. Where he had just come from. He hadn’t been able to stay any longer. He thought of Dom too much. He had escaped to the nearest district. District Eight. Although this was a district for making stuff the streets and the colours they just looked so similar. It tore at Nom’s heart.

The street he walked in was busy and many people flocked it, they all did however step aside when he walked by, they gave him plenty of space particularly avoiding him. He cringed at their hatred and the way that they looked at him. He wanted to tell them he was on their side, but he couldn’t he was too weak. He sighed knowing that they would stare daggers at him for as long as they could see him. Suddenly feeling sick he walked faster turning down the nearest side street. He glances over his shoulder and sighs in relief that he is alone. Nom turns just in time to see a girl before they collide. He stumbles backwards keeping his balance. His first reaction is anger and he turns an icy glare on the girl. She was in her late teens, she had brown hair and eyes that looked so very familiar. Nom froze.

“BB?” He whispered under his breath daring to hope that it was really her, but every second that he looked longer made him more certain it was. His glare softens into some think like affection, affection was rare for Nom, and Bird was the closest he had ever come to it. She was like a little sister to him. His heart seemed to lighten and just for a moment he forgot about Dominic.

Nom stared blindly down at the girl in front of him, she was really right here. He couldn’t believe it, not even when she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Nom hated hugs, but this hug felt so comforting and it made a pleasant smile creep onto his face. Smile vanished almost immediately as he realised they were still in the street. A street open to anyone’s eyes. With a quick scan of the area he realised there was no one, but he still didn’t trust it. He gently detached himself from her embrace, not wanting anyone to see this. He wasn’t ashamed of being friends with Bird he just didn’t want anyone to know for her safety. If people knew that she was hanging and hugging a Peacekeeper she would not be treated kindly. Nom looks down at her face, and he realises just how much she had changed. She looked so much older… and prettier than when he had first meet the crying terrified girl. He looks her up and down, noticing just how thin she looked. He felt his stomach twist with guilt; he was well fed and healthy. She looked the opposite.

There was something wrong with her. Nom glanced at her face and finally noticed the haunted look in her eyes. The day they had meet flashed before him, she had been covered in blood, but it hadn’t been her own, the Peacekeeper that had shot the man had done it will he had been standing right next to her. Blood had splatted onto her from the man. Nom had seen her and had instantly felt affection and sympathy towards the little girl. He had taken her home, from then on he had continuously visited her making sure she was alright. She had always said she was. Nom now realises that the look on her face was the same as the one she had worn every time they had meet. It was a look of fear and as if a memory just kept haunting you. It was a look Nom had become accustomed to ever since Dom had died. He had found himself wearing the exact loo. Nom frowns, Bird had lied to him all those times. She had told him she was alright when she really hadn’t been. He bits his lip, he didn’t want to be mean to her, but she had lied to him.

”I missed you. I thought they moved you to another district” This tops his words. He smiles at her. Even though he felt hurt, he knew she must have had her reasons. He would ask her later. Nom smiles at Bird happy to know that he had been missed. He had missed her a lot too. Going over to different districts and leaving your friends behind hurt. “Yeah I was stuck in District Seven till…” He stops as all the memories wash over him. He felt a pang of sadness tear at his stomach. He missed Dom a lot. More than anyone would ever know. He glares down at the ground, to stop the tears. He was being such a baby. Dom was dead, he could do nothing about it. Nom blinks away the tears and looks back up at Bird, she was alive. ”Can I talk to you? But you have to promise not to tell anyone or to tear my family to pieces okay?” Her words stung and he flinched away from the way she assumed that he would tear her family apart. Nom couldn’t do that. If he tore her family apart it would mean tearing her apart. He cared for Bird too much to do that.

“I’m not going to tear your family apart.” He scowls. He glances up at Bird and he instantly regrets what he had said. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve… I have had some bad stuff as well. I want to talk too.” He stares hopefully at Bird. He had to tell someone how he felt. He needed to tell someone how much he really missed Dom.

Bird clings herself to Nom, grabbing him and tugging him to her. He lets her, the sobs started to come, and he clutched her with his hands. He almost choked as she yelled out all the horrible things happening to her. He felt awful, that he had been just about to leave her again, that he had been about to ditch her and leave her like everyone else. He looks down at the folds of brown her that covered her head, and he could still remember the little bits of blood that covered it, and the tears that streamed her face, the haunted look in her eyes reminded him too much of the day he had meet her. It killed him to know that she could tell no one about what had happened, about the man that had been shot right in front of her. Or about what had happened to her. She would have night mares all the time, she would probably never trust another man. She probably would never have a family because of what had happened. Not only was it she would never trust the, but they would see her as broken and useless.

Nom ignored the fact that her brother was a stealer, even though he was meant to stop that kind of thing. He ignored the fact that her sister was a prostitute, and that that too was against the law. All he did was focus on Birdie, the girl that kept the secret a secret she couldn’t tell her family. Nom looked down at the young girl, he didn’t understand it all, but all he knew was that Bird was the only person he trusted right now, she was the only person he could tell. She was all he had, he was all she had. He gently let her go, he grabbed her hand in his, she was like a sister to him, he was her brother, you don’t just abandon family. Nom wasn’t the best guy in the world, but he loved Bird and he cared for her so much. He wouldn’t let her go again. He had to protect her, she was all he had. He looks down at his hand in hers, hers was soft and smooth against his rough palm, and yet he could feel a slight roughness to them that told him of the hard life she lived.

Her hands were cold though, he grabbed it tighter, trying to give her some of the warmth in his hands. He looked down realising; just how little her hand was compared to his. It was so little, she was so little, just like Dom had been. “Bird!”Nom stops and turns Bird to him. He sits himself down onto the brick wall that he had stopped by. He couldn’t do this. “I can’t do this anymore!” He yells. “I miss him so much. It killed me to see him die. DIE! I could do NOTHING to stop it.” The tears had started again, they fell down, Nom let go of Bird’s hand. He was tired of pretending. He wanted his friend back, he wanted the boy back that had changed him. He didn’t want to be Nom Nom the sleazy Peacekeeper. He wanted a life. “I think of him every day, I cry almost every day. I want to see him so badly. I want to touch him. I want to hold him!”he cries out in despair. The memories of Dom and how he looked, they were what he wanted.

He wanted to see the emerald green eyes that would light up with defiance, he missed them. He missed the way the boy could be sad one minute then hyper the next. “Watching him die… It was like someone was stabbing me in the chest. It was like I couldn’t breathe. I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM AND THEY TORE HIM AWAY FROM ME!” Nom screams, he didn’t care, he stands up. But somehow he felt lighter, as if a burden had been lifted, he had told no one about how he felt, he hadn’t even ever admitted it to himself. Nom felt a wave of disappointment roll over him. He was someone he had never wanted to be. Nom had never ever wanted to be gay; to him gay guys were idiots, people he looked down upon. He thought of gay guys as weak and whores. Nom wanted to scream, he wanted to just kill himself! He couldn’t live like this, live like one of those idiots! It wasn’t him! All his life he had gone on and on, sleeping with woman after woman, doing what any hot young guy did.

He despised gay men. Nom shook his head, he hoped that the one movement would make it all not true, as if denying who he was would change it all, but it wouldn’t. Nom was shattered, he couldn’t think straight. He looks up at Bird, the only person he had ever told, the only person he would ever tell. Nom looks away ashamed of what he had said. He couldn’t be gay! Gay wasn’t him, it wasn’t what he lived for. It was everything he had grown up against. His parents would be so disappointed in him. They would disown him even more then they already had. To them he would be dead. To them maybe he was already dead. Nom felt an overwhelming despair wash over him. His life was turning upside down, everything he valued a mere four days ago was all changing. Everything he had believed him was changing. Nom had no choice, but to go with it. He had no choice. He had never had a choice in his life.

Nomstares at Bird again he wanted to talk to her, but as he looked at her, he realised something. He had done it again. When his best friend had needed someone to talk to, someone to hold. Someone she could trust, Nom had changed it all, instead of making it about her, knowing how she felt, he had once again thrown the whole conversation so that it was focused on him. Everything had to be about Nom. It was always about him. He looks down at his shows, he looks away from Bird, once again ashamed at who he was. There was nothing right about him. There was no good in Nom. He was just a self-centered, idiot that thought of no one, but himself. He was a disappointment.

((OOC: Yeah, all the muse! >8D D'awww poor Nom <33))

Nom gives her a weak smile, it lacked everything, from love to just fake happiness. He didn’t want to look at her, he couldn’t he felt selfish, he had once again made everything about him. It hurt him to think that all he ever did was make everything centre around him. He wanted to change, but no matter how much you try sometimes, things always stay with you. Nom could still remember last night’s dream, but for some reason he wasn’t sure it was one. He could still feel his lips touch Dom’s… but as he thought he knew it must have been a dream, they had been on the moon. You couldn’t just go to the moon. But he could remember it all so crystal clear, he could still feel the hard surface of the moon as he had sat down, and the way the sun slowly crept onto the sky. It had been like a flower, opening at the start of a new day, and then after it had reached its zenith it would then slowly start to close, before shutting out all the light, and again waiting, biding its time once more for the new day. He had seen the hues of orange, yellows, and reds as they had glistened bright in the sky. Nom had loved that dream so much, and he still remember looking over at Dom, and knowing that he felt happier than he had ever felt for days. He had smiled genuinely happy. Just thinking of it, made a faint smile tug at his lips, but then it would be crushed by despair as he would remember it was all a dream, none of it was true. It was all fake.

Nom dragged his eyes away from the past, he looked back at Bird, her eyes were soft, and she looked at him with affection, but it wasn’t the affection one would give to a lover or boyfriend, it was the type that only brothers and sisters would share, and when Nom realised just how much she cared for him. He in turn realised he cared for her just as much. Nom gripped her hand in his, just like any older brother would to a younger sibling, he hugged her, he needed her and she needed him, she was his sister the only family he had knew about. Nom smiled at her, a smile that seemed to sum up everything he felt for her, there was no romance in the smile, but there was love, he loved Bird so much, and as he stood there, Nom learnt something. It was always the people that you cared most for who would show you the right way. Love wasn’t something that could be bought or made, you had to find it. Nom had found it with Dom, but that was one sided, and no matter how much he thought about it, he could never hate Dom for not loving him back, he wanted Dom to love him back, but love can’t be forced. But as he looked at Bird he knew he had the perfect love, and he knew that no matter what he could do, she would always be there for him, she would for he. Because even though they shared no blood they were closer than any blood related siblings.

“Bird, I am hurting, but I’m not the only person here, that is going through a really tough time.” He looked her in the eye, he didn’t want to keep talking about him, he wanted her to talk, he wanted to hear what was wrong with her, or maybe just maybe something good that had happened to her. I guess Nom was tired of sadness, he wanted something good, but to get happiness you had to also let go of sadness, he wasn’t quiet ready to let go of his despair. He wanted to keep it with him, it was like a leash, if he was to look at another guy, it would tug him back to reality that the guy he really cared for his dead, but it would stop him from moving on. He wasn’t ready yet. He wasn’t sure when he ever would be.


((OOC: Sorry this reply is just :P I rambled way too much!))

The clouds rolled across the sky, and to anyone looking you would think the rain was coming, but if you were smart you could just taste the way the air that surrounded them was bitter and had that awful damp smell to it. To someone who knew about that type of thing they would know that rain would hold, the clouds would grow thicker, blacker and darker until they reached bursting point, then and only then would they let their insides spill. It was only fitting that this should happen. Nom found himself staring at the dark grey clouds, they looked exactly how he felt, I’m pretty sure your all thinking, cliché, but this isn’t. It was how he felt, he felt trapped, but he knew that Bird would be exactly how these clouds were, she had been holding everything in since, she had been no older than eight. Now when Nom had finally asked she had reached the point, the point just before the first drops would fall. Then she had stopped. She hadn’t let any of it out. She didn’t know how. Nom turned his eyes away from the clouds; he wanted to move into the shelter, where they wouldn’t get wet from the oncoming rain. Nom had been through a lot and he didn’t feel like getting sick. He wasn’t sure, but if he got really sick he had the slightest doubts that he would make it through. He didn’t know if he would try to live through it. He would give up.

He grabs Birds hand and tugs her into a room just off to the side, he had no idea who’s house it was, or if it was a house. It could be a bar or shop for all he cared. If anyone came he would tell them to piss off. He sits himself down onto chair and indicates another. He wasn’t sure if Bird would sit, she looked really scared and worried. All Nom wanted to do was hug her, but he wasn’t sure if he should, do he just sat there like the idiot he was. He rubbed his hands together; a little anxiously he had told Bird everything about himself, all his deepest darkest secrets and now she wasn’t going to tell him anything. He wanted to help her, but he couldn’t if she told him nothing, except that she couldn’t tell him. He looked around the dark little house, trying to think of something or at least some way to get her to open up. It made him hurt a lot more to see her so scared, and to watch all those tears fall, it made him want to cry. The hardest part of this day had been watching Bird break down, watching all those tears fall down her face, and him not having the guts to hug her, just in case he hurt her more.

“Listen Bird, I don’t know how you feel, I can’t help ou until you tell me what is wrong. Trust me.” He blurted out. He looks up into her face. He wanted her to trust him, he trusted her with everything he had, otherwise he would never ever had of told her his deepest secret a secret he had not even properly admitted to himself yet. She had known it before he had fully understood it himself. He stands up and hugs her, he wanted the tears to stop he was tired of sadness and nothing but being depressed, he wanted to be happy, and to do that he had to open up to someone, he just hoped Bird would see it too.

At first he said nothing; he just sat there staring at her. He just looked at her as if he was an idiot, completely dumbfounded. He felt so small peering at her, as if no matter how many times they replayed this conversation it would always be so. It would always be that his problems appeared to be no more than a crush that had turned wrong, but then you would hear her talk and suddenly that crush, seemed no greater then someone dropping an apple after they pick it up. Sure there will be bruises, but if you’re hungry you’ll still eat it. But Birds was as if you had grabbed that apple and smashed it onto the ground. Furthermore you had gotten a steamroller -don’t know how they would have gotten it- and rolled on it until it was part of the Earth. Until it was inedible, until the last little drop of juice in it could not be drunk. His problem was so insignificant to the mass of problems that sat in her little frail girl’s shoulders. Nom wasn’t sure she could carry all that weight.

Nom was even more stuck, he was supposed to do stuff about this, he was supposed to arrest idiots that did this, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Normally they would shoot people who prostituted themselves. They would kill them without hearing what they had to say, without even knowing if they were innocent or guilty Peacekeepers didn’t care, they just did it. He was torn, he didn’t exactly follow the laws anymore, but every part of him had trained to do it for so many years, and getting rid of that amount of training does take time. You can’t just blow it off with a wake of a hand. It takes time to stop doing the things like scowling and glaring at the people, especially when it had been drilled into you all your life. He stared numbly at Bird, trying to fight the will to get up and take action. He promised her and he wouldn’t break his promise, he cared about Bird more than anything.

Then there was the other problem. Her brother. He couldn’t believe so many of her family could easily be killed, that so many of them were just breaking the law. He looks around the room trying to find something to take his mind off of it all, trying to find something to make him forget about all the crimes, the punishments that could happen and Bird. He needed to take a deep breath, but the air just kept getting caught in his throat. His eyes settled on an old Chine Doll, it was covered in a thick layer of dust, but underneath anyone could tell that the small frame and pale glow was the raw material. They were expensive, and even in the Capitol they costed a lot. He wandered how on Earth someone in such a low district could have gotten it. Was it stolen, just like Skid, did they steal it? He scowled as he was brought back o his predicament. He turns his eyes back to the young girl in front of him.

It never ended, even as he looked at Bird he once again realised that she just like the rest of her family had had so much bad happen to her. He doubted that she could walk around the streets without seeing a man and wanting to run and hide. He gives her a weak smile, he felt touched at the obvious trust that she had for him. She would not be in this room with him if she didn’t trust him. After what had happened to her with that man all those years ago, it would be really hard to trust anyone. But Nom knew that by the way she seemed so calm, and how she had even gone into the room with him, he knew that she trusted him, and that to him meant more than anything. Nom knew that no matter what happened today he couldn’t tell anyone about any of this. He couldn’t do that to her. He had trusted Bird with his little secret, just as much as she had with his.

Nom Nom gets up and walks over to Bird, he was so much lighter. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a large hug, squeezing her tight. He didn’t want to let go of her. He didn’t want to lose her. He loved her, Bird was his sister and he needed to protect her. Sliding his hand into his pocket he took out some coins. “Here you need these way more than I do. I have just me to feed; you have your whole family. You can help them.” He smiles at her. “I’m not leaving until you take them.” He adds with a cheeky grin.