The Price we Pay [Luke]

All I ever wanted was the world
I can't help that I need it all

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With the coming of fall and the changing of seasons simply came a wave of new parties for the Morgans to host and attend. Upon this night was a formal to celebrate the harvest moon. Really, it was just an excuse for all of the high society citizens to get together, drink and schmooze. It was certainly not like there was actually any harvesting going on in District One, and even more certainly, none of this particular bunch would have been participating in such physical labor.

Jem turned to a passing waiter and swiped his fourth or fifth glass of champagne from the tray the man had been holding. He wasn’t paying attention to just how much of the bubbly stuff he was consuming and he had raided his mother’s liquor cabinet before the event; all that mattered was that he got either drunk enough to not care or too drunk to remember the evening. To his misfortune, his favorite member of society was there a guest at the function—Rhen Rutherford. Really, Rhen had been at these things all along, but in past months his presence had become far more noticeable, and quite frankly, un-ignorable. He had already made eye contact with the overgrown brute once this evening, and he was going to make sure he didn’t have the misfortune again if he could help it.

He floated through the crowds, or at least, that’s how he felt with he mind light with the champagne. He smiled and waved lazily to guests as they called out to him. A couple of his former conquests gave him subtle winks or nods, but with Rhen clouding his focus, he hardly had that sort of business on the brain. All that mattered was that Rhen hated him, and he had to hate him in return. Speaking of… there he was again, entering the same parlor as Jem, but before he could react and calculate his situation, he felt a rough hand catch onto his, tightening his grip around the champagne glass. He hadn’t even realized he’d almost dropped it.

“Careful there, Jem. Someone might get the idea that you’re drunk,” a deep voice spoke as a figure slightly taller than him stepped fully into his view.

“Oh… Hi, Gray,” Jem said loftily and he looked up into the young man’s silver eyes. He was a trainer at Jem’s new gym, and he’d caught the guy staring at him on multiple occasions before. He was in his late twenties; your typical former career trainee who never got Reaped and had enough money to not worry about a job, so he moved into training for the fun of it. Jem moved to pull his arm away but gray simply adjusted his grip, pulling in closer to the mayor’s son.

“How much have you had to drink?” Gray inquired with a smirk. He had a slight dimple in his left cheek, which Jem supposed many people would find attractive. To be honest, he had bigger fish to fry than some trainer at a career factory though.

Jem blinked and shook his head, trying to shake off the dizziness, “I don’t know. Why does it matter?” As he looked forward trying to read Gray’s expression, he realized it wasn’t so easy to keep his focus at the moment. Well, he was further along the way to his drunken goal than he had thought.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Gray said moving in closer, still smiling, “how are you going to manage training tomorrow morning, little Jem-stone?” He brought a hand up to Jem’s cheek and lightly brushed the back of his finger along his jawline. Jem couldn’t help but twitch, recoiling from Gray’s touch. “Oh come on now, Jem, you’re far too pretty to be drinking away your problems. There are so many better ways to let off some steam.”

Jem downed the rest of his glass and passed it off to someone walking past. He wasn’t even sure they were a waiter, but they were in white shirt and tie, so that said waiter to him. He turned back to his odd pursuer and rolled his eyes, “Look, I don’t know what you’re getting at, but I have people to se—“

Gray let out a laugh, “What’s the matter Jem, don’t you find me attractive?” When Jem merely shrugged in response, Gray moved in far too close for Jem’s general comfort of personal space and whispered into his ear, “of course, the way I hear it, attraction has nothing to do with it for you, does it?”

Jem’s bright green eyes grew wide for a moment, before he regained his composure. Despite his calm exterior however, his voice clearly panicked. “Gray, you’re drunk and don’t know what you’re saying. I’ll see you later.” He turned to walk away but felt the rough hand grab his wrist to pull him back around. It was an aggressive maneuver, but not enough to draw any attention in the party crowd. “Oh, I think you’re much drunker Jem-stone.” He leaned into Jem’s ear whispering while his lips grazed Jem’s skin. “I’ve heard all about the real Games you like to play Jem… ironically from both an aunt an uncle of mine… it could be a shame if word continued to spread though…” Gray feigned surprise, slightly gasping, “imagine what mother mayor would think!”

Nostrils flared, Jem took in a deep breathe through his nose. He felt as if his stomach had literally just done backflip as the world seemed to crackle and shatter around him. He had been so discreet, and so careful… how could something like this have happened? What the hell would he do if his mother did find out? Well, the game was already in play, and it was one he could not afford to lose. “What do you want from me?”

“Well,” Gray said quietly, his voice filled with condescending triumph, “This is your place, I’m sure you have a bedroom here don’t you?”

Jem’s eyelashes tickled his cheeks as he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in another deep breath. The room wobbled as if he was out to sea as his eyelids flutter back open and his view upon Gray cleared. He knew there wasn’t much choice. It was do as he asked, or face dire consequences. What could one more notch on the belt be at this point, he supposed. Jem sighed and then whispered, his speech slightly slurred, “Up the grand staircase and to the left. The large green double doors go to my room… it’s the one with the balcony. Meet me there in ten.”

With an approving smile from Gray, it took every muscle in Jem’s face not to sneer or snarl. He quickly began making his way to the foyer, grabbing another glass of champagne to down on the way. His body already burned and ached with loathing for bot himself and the young man Gray who had hardly drawn Jem’s eye at all in the gym. It just went to further his point; all men and women are pigs. This guy didn’t even know him, yet he was blackmailing him into the forbidden act… it certainly wasn’t a night to raise Jem’s already lackluster expectations in humanity.

After stumbling his way into his room, Jem quickly shredded most of his clothing, not wanting to give Gray that privilege or satisfaction. So he sat upon the edge of his own fluffy bed, waiting in his briefs in the darkness. Light trickled in from the windows of his wall of French doors to the balcony. His gaze was drawn to the outside, to the freedom of whatever might be beyond. That was why played this little game though, wasn’t it? To find some secret ticket or key to the world out there, to the Capitol… to freedom?

Before long, Gray stumbled into the room himself; he was drunker than Jem had originally realized, but then again, Jem was in no position to judge on that. Gray wasted no time in unbuttoning his shirt and stripping down before pouncing onto Jem, forcing his lips roughly against the unwilling exploit. He threw Jem back into the headboard and held him tightly by his wrists… to tightly for comfort—not that anything about this situation was comfortable.

With every kiss, and ever touch, Jem felt whatever glimmers of dignity or self-respect he may have had somewhere get ripped away. Gray was taking what little spirit he had left, and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew far too well he had gotten himself into his own mess, and he would have to lay her and take it like a man. Gray pressed harder against him, squeezing Jem’s wrists as he told him to enjoy it, constantly bragging about how good he was and how many people he had pleased. He went on to say he’d been admiring Jem at the gym and longed for this moment. What the hell? A moment where he blackmailed a teenager into pleasing him? Jem felt as if he could vomit… whether it was from these moments or the alcohol, he wasn’t sure… and after what felt like hours, it was over and Gray was tripping over himself to put his clothes back on.

“See you at the gym,” Gray said with an all too familiar, knowing grin as he slid out of Jem’s bedroom door and back to the party. He had left looking quite a mess though; ruffled hair and sloppily buttoned shirt, but Jem didn’t dare speak. All he could do was shudder at the thought of seeing Gray again… having to go back to the gym. Sure, he had stomached some pretty disgusting moments in his couple of years as he fell into these sordid sorts of affairs… but there had never been a moment like tonight… never a time when Jem was not still in control of himself, of the situation. He could feel the warm wetness of a tear as it rolled down his cheek. He tried to stifle a sniffle as he slide down to the edge of his bed and onto the hard tile floors of his grand bedroom. He could bear to feel those sheets or pillows now. There was no comfort or warmth in them, only a strange, new sick memory.

He curled into a ball after managing to pull on a pair of gym shorts that had been strewn on the floor beside his bed earlier that day. He held his knees tightly to his chest, trembling in the light of the moon through his windows. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks. Tears of regret… tears of disgust… and tears of sorrow; sorrow for the loss of the young boy he once was, or might have been—the boy that was lost the moment he had consented to let that first woman touch him, and he opened the door that would lead him to the right here and now. For now he was merely a shell without self-respect, love, or a spec of hope to believe in.

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