this ain't no café on a friday ~ [Cass]

I hated being here. I hated it with everything I had. I didn’t want to be back here, it brought back far too painful memories. It made me ache on the inside more than ever when I saw the trees that lined the district, or I heard the way an axe would hit a tree, it reminded me too much of the forest where I had first meet him, the place where I had first meet the boy that I had fell in love with. The boy that when I laughed or found myself admiring another girl or guy, I would want to cry. Then when I got home I would curl into a little ball and cry. I felt weak and pitiful. It wasn’t me to act like that. I was a strong brave Peacekeeper that didn’t feel that way, but Dominic Rosenfeld had been torn from mylife and murdered by other children. I couldn’t get over it that easily.

I couldn’t believe I was back here, in this district that had caused me so much pain and suffering, and I found myself suck back here. Trapped. I push the bar door open, and it goes flying at the force of my push, I felt like I was choking in sadness. It was all around me, I needed some fun, and I needed to forget about it all. I stumble up to the bar and fall into a chair. That guy looks good. I scowl to myself banishing my thoughts. I look up to the bartender, and give him a glare. I was pissed and in a really bad mood, I was weighed down by so much sadness, I felt like I was going to drown.

“Give me something, fucking strong. I want the strongest shit you have.” He mumbles at the bar keeper, he wanted to get drunk, he wanted to forget it all. I want to forget Dominic,

I found myself instantly disliking this guy. As the words left his mouth I really wanted to punch him in the face. Well no shit I was fucking drunk. The way the guy looked at me made me want to throw him in a cell for a few days, but I was too pissed. I scowl as he gives me a glare. I drain the cup and place it down on the table where it is filled again. I lift the cup up again, but as I bring it up to my mouth, the cup as snatched from my hands. I stare momentarily dumbfounded at the place where my cup had been just seconds ago.

“What the fuck.” I say. It was all I could say. I didn’t know where it had gone. I finally get the sense to turn my head and look for it. The guy had it. I scowl at him instantly angry with him. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” I snarl. I was tired, and still suffering from the loss of Dom. I didn’t need shit from a douche like him. I can’t help, but gap slightly when he calls me a no one, someone who can’t tell him to do shit. I take glance at myself and realise I had changed from my PK uniform.

I glare coldly at the boy. We were the same age, and from what I could see we had the same shade of hair, and a very similar body build, but none of this processed all I felt was rage at the idiot. He was a very stupid boy that had no right to so what he had just done. “You wanna know who the fuck I am, or did you want me to show you by checking you in a cell?” I growl at him. To my shock the boy shoves my drink at me spilling it all down the front of me. Then he goes on and insults me. I stand up, the chair toppling over.

I don’t think I just do. My hand curls into a fist and hits him in the face. Although I don’t know if it did much. After all I am drunk.

I don’t know what to say at first so I just stare at the guy in front of me, who looks creepily like me, I feel as if I’m staring at myself, but seeing the person I would be, the person I would have become if I had of been born in the districts. I didn’t like this person, and for just one moment for just a second the thought that perhaps I was fighting with myself, that this person was me hit me. This boy in front of me could possibly be me. I stare for a moment longer wide eyed at the guy I had just hit. He felt real, he looked real. Then suddenly yeah I knew he was real. He ran into me. He fully fucking tacked me knocking me to the fucking ground. The air leaves me as I collide with the ground and I gasp like a fish out of water, trying to suck in the air. I cough and splutter, the anger growing in me. I glare at the guy whole lay on top of me.

What the hell. Kicking him off, I slide my hands into my pockets grabbing the handcuffs. I hadn’t arrested anyone since Dom had died. The cuffs felt odd in my hands, an unused weapon, using all my strength I wrestle them onto my look alike. I felt horrible for doing it, but it was my job, and for once in a long time I let my anger take control, I let it clip those cuffs on, I felt like an intruder watching my own hands pull the boy to his feet, his hands secured behind his back. It felt wrong. I look around the bar, to see all the customers staring at us. I glare coldly at them, and slide some money onto the table for the bartender. “That will be suffuse for him as well.” I mutter angrily. I don’t know why I paid his bill, I just felt obliged to, maybe in a way a repent for arresting him.

I stop and take a look at the guy, realising I hadn’t said anything to him yet. “Umm, you’re under arrest for threatening and then… Err attacking a Peacekeeper… Whatever you say or do will be used against you because that is life and nothing you little shits ever do will make it better.” I felt the words barely leave my mouth as it all really hit home. That was how I felt, knew that none of them could do anything. I stared at the guy dumbstruck, I knew my eyes were betraying everything I felt, blinking I make my face a mask of indifference. No matter how I felt, I had to do this, I couldn’t let assaulting a Peacekeeper slide, that would endanger my life, and I promised Bird that no matter what happened I would protect her, I couldn’t protect her if I was dead. I had also promised myself I would help stop the Games; I couldn’t see what happened to Dom again. What if next time it was Bird?

"Is that what you think, you piece of Capitol shit?" The words pull me up short, because it wasn’t what I thought, I didn’t think that at all. I thought differently. I cared for these people since Dom’s death. I didn’t want to be doing this, but if I am to help them, try or attempt I had to play the part, right? Or was there a way to just throw it all and just join them. My eyes search the boy’s, and I’m once more struck by the shocking resemblance we both held. I shake my head. "I'll attack you if I want to!"

The words are lost as he thrashes and tugs at his restraints, I keep hold with a clenched teeth. I wanted to scream and yell at him slap some sense into him, I wanted to let him know I was on his side, but I couldn’t. I was too scared to. I was scared, I didn’t want to face the consequences of what would happen if I went against the Capitol, I was not stupid enough to believe that they would just take me away from the Peacekeeper forces. It wasn’t only fear that stopped me, but some part of me doubted the idea of myself doing anything. I felt hopeless, depressed and an undying need to hand out revenge.

But I wasn’t good enough to believe that I could do anything.

"Get me an axe and I'll show you who's really the little dumb heifer between the two of us." I snort with disbelief. That was not true. I could beat this guy. Besides I wasn’t ever going to give him an axe.

For a moment I pause. I stop and stare at the world around me. I look into each of the people in the rooms eyes. I stare at them as they watch me, and the boy that I had handcuffed. Under their glares and eyes that seemed filled with only I hatred I wanted to cower, I wanted to hide and run, run like every time something had gone wrong. But I willed myself to stand tall and strong, as made myself stand there and look at each and every one of them, my eyes cold and demeaning. They were nothing. Or so I had to think.

I shove the boy roughly ahead of me pushing him through the crowd of people, I ignore his thrashes and cries, I smirk at his fatal attempts, I never let myself let go of his handcuffs. We walk, he stumbling out into the night. I shove him roughly in the direction of the Justice building.” Nice warm cell waiting for you, mate.”

I roll my eyes as the boy continues to ramble, I give him a sharp shove forwards into the cold air. And he skips a few steps ahead. I watch him warily, waiting for him to even try to run. The idiot wouldn’t get far. No one escaped me when I wanted them. My eyes travel over the old streets, rubbish littered the ground, and there was no one in sight apart from myself and the boy who walked a few steps ahead of me, hands shackled behind his back.

I resisted the urge to trip the guy, and give him a mouthful of dirt. My hands strayed my pockets and I tucked them in against the cold of the night. I was tired and bothered and this dick head in front of me had ruined a perfectly good night, and all he wanted to do was pick on me and tease me. WOW I sounded so lame. A little while ago I would have just bashed the guys face in, laughed and mucked around with him.

I use to be fun.

Oh no he didn’t. He did not just say that. I stop. My eyes move to him. The little shit. Who the fuck did he think he was saying that to me. “Little shit.” I move fast. I step forward closing the gap between us, my hand comes up in a tight fist and connects with the guys chin. It was a powerful impact. I push myself into him so that he falls to the ground. My hands grab his arms tightly and I shove his face into the cold hard ground. “You say that again to me, and I’ll see that you have no tongue to talk.”

I say gently into his ear. I stand up and yank him up with me. I shove him forward as we head closer to the Justice building. “Want to say anything? Be my guest! And then we can see how you act with no tongue.” I knew I was going to far, but what he had said had hurt, because I really was in a job that I hated, and I was nothing, but shit.