All I { need } is another rush // [ Raseri ]

Tony’s summer days were always the same- get up, get dressed, go for a walk, doodle some random kind of construction plan, eat dinner, sleep- with the occasional creation of a birdhouse or some wooden trinket thrown in. After a while, the routine got boring. You’d think that, being seventeen and all, he could be doing something more with his life. Something other than planning and building birdhouses. But thinking back on this summer, Tony realized that he might have done a maximum of one exciting thing. Pathetic.

Maybe you should do something about it, stupid, said a voice in the back of his head.

Yeah, okay, he thought back, feeling a bit dumb afterwards for talking to an imaginary voice in his head. But hey, when you haven’t got many friends, who else are you going to talk to?

Slipping on a pair of sneakers, Tony stepped out the door and jogged away from his house. Eventually, his feet developed a steady rhythm as they thudded on the sidewalk, and he found himself falling into a state of serenity. It had been so long since he had last gone for a jog that he’d forgotten how calming it could be. Maybe it was because he never had time to do so, or perhaps it was just that he was too lazy. Either way, he wished he had gone jogging more this summer. Not only was it a good way to relieve stress, Tony could also use a little exercise every now and then.

Though he didn’t have any particular route in mind, Tony knew his way around the district well enough that he could pick any path and still be able to find his way home. He trotted rhythmically through busy streets and small alleys alike, just going where ever he felt like going. This went on for about an hour before it became remarkably hotter outside and Tony decided to take a short break to catch his breath. He ended up on a small stretch of road, a street that branched off from the Square. It had a few small shops, and the sound of footsteps and shop doors opening and closing hung in the air.

Looking around, Tony couldn’t see anywhere to sit. The few seats and benches in sight were all occupied. Well, not all of them, he thought, noticing an empty chair next to some guy with his boots propped up uncaringly on the table in front of him. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess, he thought with a mental shrug.

As he approached the man, however, Tony began to regret his decision. The person in front of him parted his boots, revealing a smirk and a cigarette, and Tony got the feeling he wasn’t all that friendly. The stranger took a puff of his cigarette and said, “What do you want? Or hello? Whatever you want.”

Tony’s adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he gulped hard to keep from coughing. “Hey,” he said, “this seat taken?” He straightened up his posture and tried to seem less… gay; this guy looked tough and Tony didn’t want to be thought of as a pansy if he was going to sit by him.

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The boy in front of me patted the chair beside him with another smirk. “Sure, it’s free. You seem like you’re hiding something, feel free to tell me. I’m Dragan by the way.”

He seems nice enough. Maybe he’s one of those guys with a hard exterior but with guts made of cotton candy. Not literally, but… you know. Really, to be honest, that was my kind of guy. Bad boys that are sweet on the inside, in my opinion are hot. The problem, though; how many gay men like that existed in District 3? None.

”Thanks.” I thought about shaking his hand but he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who cared about such formalities.

I sat next to Dragan and tried to look more relaxed; his eyes seemed to be scrutinizing my cautiousness. It wasn’t too hard to relax now that I realized his looks were probably worse than his bite. He was also cute- an added plus.

”You seem like you’re hiding something.” What was that supposed to mean? I gave him a confused look. “Nah, I’m not hiding anything.” I wasn’t hiding anything, really. Sure, in the past, I had hidden tons of things from people, but now I’ve –what’s that thing they say?- come out of the closet. Maybe he doesn’t know that, though. I come right out and say it.

“I mean, I used to have something to hide. I’m gay, if that’s what you mean.”

I take a good look at this guy who seems to be able to read me so easily, but I can’t seem to figure out anything about him. Whatever he’s holding inside is well-masked by his intimidating – and strikingly handsome – appearance. His lips are curled in a smirk around his cigarette, which would probably give someone the impression that he just doesn’t give a damn. The dark hair on his head is combed back lazily out of Dragan’s face, showing his pronounced cheekbones, oh god those cheekbones, arguably the best feature on his face, in my opinion. But nope, from his –ahem-sexy-ahem- appearance, I can’t tell much about him.

I flip my hair to move a stray lock of my thick, dark brown hair out of my view. Maybe I should get it cut. For lack of something to say, I tilt my head back to look at some awfully foreboding-looking rainclouds rolling in. I don’t mind rain, I mean, if we didn’t have rain, even the small amount of vegetation in District 3 wouldn’t exist. I do kind of wish I had brought an umbrella, though.

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Dragan twirls the cigarette around in his hand, and I wonder. How long has he been smoking? Did he start at a young age, or was it more recently? Why did the habit start in the first place? I don’t feel like asking him; it might make him feel uncomfortable. He seems kind of fascinated with that cigarette, though. Maybe he’s just the kind of guy who likes to watch things burn.

“There you go, you don’t have to hide anything from me,” Dragan reassures me. He speaks in a low tone, very quiet and slow but in a way that makes you want to listen to what he has to say. He doesn’t have to speak loudly to be heard.

I’m a bit surprised when he reaches over and catches one of my brown locks between his fingers. Twirling it around his finger, I watch his lips hum,

You going to get these cut?”

Well, okay, maybe this guy is a little touchy-feely. He’s probably just messing with me, he can’t be flirting, right? I mean, there is not one thing about this guy that reads “homosexual”. He’s just asking a harmless question.

I answer softly, ”I’ve been thinking about it.”

“It’s probably going to rain soon but that’s fine,” the mysterious boy purrs. His fingers send an electric buzz through my whole body as they suddenly move to my leg, bouncing up and down and tracing my jogging shorts. My heart quickens, and then I scold my subconscious for getting so excited. I mean, it's not like my thighs have never been touched before.

My previous doubts are suddenly forgotten as I realize maybe he is flirting. Well, two can play at this game.

“Rain? It’s just water,” I say with a smirk, ”I’m not afraid of rain.” Actually, I am in no way against the other people leaving so I can be alone with a hot guy.

Meeting his gaze, I watch the reflection of the storm clouds overhead dance across his blue eyes. A stray blonde strand falls onto his forehead, blocking my view, and I reach over to move it out of the way.


Maybe he is just messing with me, but I’m not going to say I don’t like it.

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((Sorry, this one really sucks >.< I have writer's block today.))

“Would you like to try and smoke?” he asks, another cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth.

I consider that for a moment. Why would I want to smoke? I mean, it’s common knowledge that it’s bad for you. But why? We’re always told not to do it, but I’ve never actually learned why it’s bad. Dragan’s doing it, and he’s not dead. So how would one little shot hurt?

I get such a rush

Today is all about trying new things, I guess. I mean, look at us. I just met this guy on the street. I glance down at his hand as it’s clawing at my leg.

“Sure,” I reply quietly, reaching for the cigarette dangling between his lips. I laugh and put it in my mouth, taking a shallow puff. A tickling sensation runs down my throat and I fight off a cough. If there was a list of things that were bad to do while flirting, I bet that coughing all over the person would be somewhere near the top of the list.

Even though it sets my throat on fire, I take another puff, this time taking a long slow draw and puffing it back out slowly. It feels… powerful. Like I’m breathing fire. I can see why Dragan smokes; it’s like a little thrill in a tiny tube of paper. It’s exciting and… new.

Before I know it, his hands are at my waist, and his legs are wrapped around mine. I don’t think about it; if I do, I might start to regret things. Maybe today is a good day to just let go…

Our gazes meet, and I can see my brown eyes reflected in his blue ones. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he asks quietly, his eyes narrowing slightly. Did I detect a bit of… jealousy? I shake my head to reassure him.

Our eyes are just inches apart now, and he chuckles, “Oh, I don’t even know your name yet.” I hardly hear him, all I know is that I’m leaning closer, and his head is tilting slightly.

We're here inside the fire.
We're burning bright,
Perfect and forever young.

What are you doing, Tony?

The cigarette falls to the pavement and my lips press against his so quickly I don’t even know who moved first, but I don’t care. My hands move up his back and one rests on his neck while the other tangles in his hair, pulling us closer…

Just take a look around.
There's only now.

This is new, and I’m starting to realize that new is good. All my life, I’ve been telling people to love me for who I am, because they try to change me. But you know, maybe we could all use a little change every once in a while.

When we pull apart, I notice it’s raining. My hair and clothes are damp, it’s weird that I didn’t notice until now, but that’s okay. All that matters is me an Dragan at the moment. It should feel wrong, but…

We can't go back.
It's lost but look at what we found.

“I’m Tony, by the way.”

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song: Rush

Did I see a little bit of… disappointment in Dragan’s gaze when we pulled apart? I hope I didn’t offend him by pulling away first; that’s just what I need, to scare away another cute guy. If I were a vampire or something else that didn’t require oxygen to live, then believe me, I would have never let go of him. But I’m unfortunately human, and I needed to come up for air.

“Tony,” his voice purred. ”Come with me. I’m taking you to one of my places.”

My face forms an unsure expression as he gets up suddenly, pulling me along behind him. What if he’s taking me to a dark alley or something? Maybe Dragan’s some kind of serial killer that lures in his victims by flirting with them and then taking them someplace where no one can hear their screams.

Nah. Even though I don’t know this guy too well yet, I have a feeling he isn’t going to kill me. It’s probably just my conscience being all paranoid again. There’s no way that he would hurt me- not after that kiss. It had only lasted a moment, and yet… it made me feel as if I had known him for years. It was probably wrong, but it felt so right, being in each other’s arms, running my fingers through his hair. Not to be corny, but… it felt fantastic, and rebellious, and magical, and new, and oh God, what a rush. The mere touch of his skin felt like electricity, and it set my whole body on fire.

No one could kiss me like that, so passionately, and not mean it… Right?

I toss that thought in the mental trashcan. “’Kay,”
I reply, deciding to go with him. I follow quietly behind him, curious as to where he’s taking me. He doesn’t say much along the way (neither do I, really) and we walk and walk until we’re close to the border of District 3.

I shoot Dragan a puzzled look. “Is this it?” We’re standing in front of a small, dilapidated shack somewhere in what must be the darkest corner in District 3. It’s isolated by some trees, a little private place, and I begin to wonder if anyone besides Dragan knows it’s here.

I bet no one could hear you scream in there, buddy.

God, conscience, would you just shut up already? He won’t kill me! I wonder if I have some kind of mental disorder.

I let Dragan lead me into the building (if you could call it that), wondering what the interior of the run-down shack had in store for us.

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