~The nightmares that haunt~ (Standalone)

Saryniti Roberts

...I'm so tired of being here...
...Suppressed by all my childish fears...
...And if you have to leave...
...I wish that you would just leave...
...Your presence still lingers here...
...And it won't leave me alone...

I sit up in my bed, pulling the pretty pink covers off myself before carefully lowering my feet to the hard ground, barely making a noise. This is good because my mission at the moment involves being undetected. My next aim is to get out my tiny bedroom without my being caught by the giant figure who is only across the hall from me. At the moment they are oblivious to my efforts to disobey them and will be minding their own business. This is good for me as I make it out to the hallway and creep along it past the room where the giant is before reaching my destination, the kitchen. The first thing that catches my eyes is the darkness of the room. There is no way I can make it to where I need to be in this. I find myself looking wishfully at the light switch even if I know that I am way too small to reach it by myself. Ignoring this I pull myself onto tiptoes and stretch my hand as far as I can. However this action is in vain as the light switch still towers over my tiny figure. Now I realise that my eyes have adapted to the dark, making my journey less dangerous. With this my feet start to walk towards the fridge and I tactically open it without a sound to see what I want on a low shelf that is easily reachable. This makes me smile and I hold back a giggle. This was too easy. I grab the plate containing a tiny piece of food. With a flick of my hand the fridge closes again without a sound and I head back towards my bedroom, plate in hand. Nearly there now. My eyes are too concentrated on the bedroom door that I don't notice the object in my way and trip over it. My eyes tear but I don't let them out. The noise has alerted the giant and they are now coming out of the other room and heading towards me." Oh Sary. What are you doing darling? Time to go back to beddie byes" my mum says with a light tone. This annoys me as I don't want to go back into the bedroom. I'm not even tired and just wanted something to eat. " Not want to go bed", I retort angrily at the woman. My mum keeps her calm when she replies to me. "Sary. Your only 3. Now if you go to bed we can do something special tomorrow" she negotiated with a smile. This pleases me and I giggle, agreeing to go to bed



Now I am standing in the only grassy area inside district 3. It is not long when a familiar voice calls my name and holds her arms out ready for me to come into them. Happily my feet start to move at pace as I run towards the slim figure. some of the grass flies as my feet remove it from the ground in my stead. I get closer and closer and my mouth curls into a smile as I finally reach the figure that was calling me. My mum wraps me into a hug with her arms and it fills me inside with warmth to be reunited with her after being away from her for so long. "How was your first day at school Sary?" she asks happily. I jump and start to tell her about the day excitedly. Although I had missed the woman, school had been fun. They had things there to play with that I had never seen before and it had been a laugh to see what they all did. My mum started to lead me away, my hand in hers. Even after several minutes neither of us broke the contact because it felt so warm and friendly. We reached the main street in town and I expected to walk straight through towards our home but instead mum stopped me right next to one of the shops. There were several bars of chocolate in the window and I licked my lips in longing. My prayers were answered as mum took me into the shop and brought a single bar of chocolate before handing it to me, making me give a squeal of delight. Chocolate is a rare treat here so it makes me overly happy to have my hands on a full bar at this moment. "For your first day at school big girl", mum announces with a giant smile on her face. I thank her promptly and almost skip along the road towards home while eating the chocolate slowly, savouring the taste and flavour of the delicious treat. The night starts to move along and after tea my mum starts teaching me how to dance. We both end up on the floor laughing loudly at our attempts. It has been the best day ever because I have had so many treats and my mum has gone out of her way to do something special for her 5 year old daughter on her first day of school. After school the next day my mum collects me and we both stay in the grassy area of the district and run around for hours. She is laughing and smiling all the time, enjoying my company as much as I am enjoying hers. Across the beautiful sunny sky I see one grey cloud becoming incresingly darker as it moves slowly across the sky. It gets closer and closer to my mother as I watch. The woman starts to slow down and her smile starts to fade away from her face before my eyes. Then I only saw black, pitch black.



The blackout fades and now I stand all by myself on the grassy patch just across from the school. People are looking at me with sorrowful glances. I can hear whispers, asking what kind of parent would leave a 7 year old alone on the grass. The problem is, I don't know where she is. My mum should have been waiting when I came out of school but she was nowhere to be found and the rain pours down on me like the fear is tearing through my body. My brain starts to ache, concentrating on nothing but the young, slim woman. Desperate to find her I run through the main town towards home and find the door open so I push it aside forcefully in my mission to find my mother. I run into our front room and see my mum lying on the floor very still. I smile at this game and go towards her and tickle her to try and make her get up but strangely she doesn't move an inch. Something is wrong here, she feels cold instead of warm like normal. I shout at her to get up, my voice getting louder and louder each time I do it. "Please mummy. You're scaring me", I cry before running out of my home into the next. I banged on the door of our next door neighbour, remembering mum telling me if she didn't get up to go there. The tall man opens his door and looks down at me with curiosity. Frightened, I quickly yell to him."Please, make mummy get up!". At these words he follows me back into my own house and runs towards my mother with a bag in his hand. He was touching my mother in different places but none of the things he did made her move. Others arrived into my house and they all started to move my mum away from me. Not liking this I scream loudly and run towards the unnaturally still woman. Our next door neighbour comes closer and closer to me and eventually secures his arms around me, prohibiting me from going to the woman who raised me from birth. My first instinct is to take away the force that is holding me back so I use my little strenth to kick and thrash at him to try and release myself. Needless to say the adult is stronger and my energy eventually fades away and I can't resist. Instead I just scream and cry, aching to see the familiar woman again. It takes near enough an hour for the man to calm me down and once this is done an explanation is finally given. "Saryniti. Your mummy has gone to heaven now". My young mind tries to piece this together. The only thing I know about heaven is that when people go there they never come back. No That can't be. I cry loudly as the fact sinks into me. I am never going to see my mum again no matter what I do. The next door neighbour puts his arms around me as I scream and cry.



Time has passed since I last remember though I haven't really been counting the days. I have been too bust trying to comprehend that I will never see my mum again and there is nobody left to look after me, play with me and make me smile and laugh. Since that night our next door neighbour has taken me to his home and looked after me, making sure I am fed and have shelter but it is nowhere near the same no matter how hard the man tries to make me feel at home. Although he is friendly he isn't the warm hearted, happy figure I am so used to seeing everyday. The days are passing by like a blur and I lose touch with what is meant to be happening. Most nights when I am forced into my bed I cry to myself and hardly get any sleep at all. I haven't been to school since the night I was left alone but strangely nobody even seems to think it wierd that I haven't been going. Maybe they all know about what happened, maybe they are trying to be nice to me. The man who took me his home is back now and there is someone new I don't recognise with him. Curious, I ask what is going on. They tell me they are doing something special because of my mum going to heaven. The man tells me to go into the kitchen and get something to eat while he talks with the other. Not wanting to cross him, I obey the order and head in there, not being able to hear their talking from my new location. This man then visits a couple of other times during the next days but then there is a loud knock at the door that makes even the man jump as he slowly walks to answer. I see a large bolt of lightning flash outside and a loud thunder roar as a man and woman at the door tell me to pack my things and that I have to go to live where they work. I reluctantly leave the house and follow them to a dull grey building. The outside of it looked grim, leaving little hope for inside.



How long have I been here? There is no way of telling unless I count the number of days I have been in school since I came here or maybe how many meals I have had. Both , however, are too depressing to count. The only hint to passing of time is that I know I have had two birthdays since I arrived which makes me 9 and also means I have been her nearly 2 years. How I have managed to survive in this place I don't know as a bell is sounded telling us all that we are to report for our meal. I slowly and painfully make my way towards the room even if it is pointless. There is very little on the plates that we are given, just enough to keep us all in miserable existence. My figure is thin and frail from the malnutrition but many fail to notice in the bleak district of Panem where nobody exactly has a wealth of food to eat except the capitol, and I guess district 1 and maybe 2 as well. When I sit down on the floor to eat I wince in immediate pain. WIthout thinking I had sat on the leg that had endured a beating yesterday for not cleaning the doors properly. It is not the only injury I have as my broken body is littered with black blue and purple from the endless punishment and torture. Nobody will notice of course, the adults always make us hide it with our clothes and threaten to kill us if we tell anybody what happens. I look around the room I have been marched back to. It is a tiny room but home to 12 of us orphans. I notice that one of our number is missing, coincidently the youngest of us. A short time later the door is opened by one of the adults. Our missing member is revealed in tears with a large, bleeding wound on his arm. Seeing this on the 5 year old tips me over the edge and I shout at the adult before I can stop myself to think about the consequences. I have done it now. The woman grabs me by my top and leads me away to the room where they give punishment. There is a whip hanging up which is now removed from the wall. The whip is readied before I have time to think and suddenly I cracks down on my flesh, giving a familiar roar of pain in my body. I force myself not to cry because if I do then they will give me another lash with the whipfor being weak. Another lash comes down and I bite my lip so hard it bleeds to try and take away the pain. After my punishment I am thrown back in the room where the oldest of our group is stitching up the wound of the youngest. I sit in the corner and just stare around the tiny room, most of my hope vanished. There is no chance of me ever getting rescued from here until I am 18 and they kick you out. I know I must sit here and wach the years go by, losing my hope for rescue by the minute, mentally accepting what is going to happen. The days keep going and the whip cracks again and again as pain goes through me. Every time I am forced to conceal the event, hide the utter agony I am in. Another loud crack comes down.



I cry and scream frantically in my bed at the nightmare that has just ended inside my head. The fear pulses through my body which is still fuelling my response. The images I saw seem to burned into my eyes and I still feel myself inside them even if my eyes are open and looking into my tiny bedroom. The door to my room opens and my adoptive mum rushes in and comes to the side of my bed, holding me in her arms. I push her away in my panic, still wanting to protect myself from a repeat of what I have seen. "Saryniti. It's ok dear", the woman soothes in a calm voice. The images start to fade from my head, leaving behind the nightmare of that night and the years in that dreadful place of torture. My mind starts to remember how my rescue had come even when I had lost all hope of it ever happening. The woman beside me and her husband had come, had taken me in as their own. As my adoptive mother attempts to put her arms around me again this time I am able to accept the gesture and huddle into her figure, breaking down in more tears. My thoughts gather more and I start to calm down slowly, letting myself out of the woman's arms. The two of us are in silence for several minutes, not knowing what to say to each other. Finally, my companion opens her mouth to speak to me. "You saw...that place. Didn't you?", she asks me slowly and I nod my head in reply. My adoptive mother let out a small sigh and took my hands in hers. "It is always there, no matter what", I speak out in hope that my words will be understood. Arms are wrapped around me again as I hear more words being spoken to me. "It's ok. You aren't going to have to fo back there. You have us now". Now my thoughts have properly recovered I start to realise I have never really been free of the place. Wherever I am now it still haunts all my dreams even after so many years away from it. This is the nightmare I have to live with until I can finally get over it.