Searching for You, Babe // [Moss]

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it talks in tongues and quiet sighs
and prayers and proclamations
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Topaz Ross normally didn't do "second dates". In fact, Topaz Ross normally didn't do dates at all; there was no such thing as dates when you refused to get involved with anyone past a one night stand or a wild night of drinking and dancing. There was no such thing as showing interest past the physical aspect of a relationship; when you started getting into the companion stuff, the stuff when you actually started caring about the other person, maybe even developing feelings for them, that was when things got shitty. The seasoned victor had learned enough from her pockmarked past to know to never get into things of that sort again. She couldn't risk it. She didn't want it. So why had she agreed to see Maverick Miles again?

She tried to tell herself that it was just because she could tell how hard he'd been trying and she wasn't in the mood to let him down. After all, he was a nice guy, that much was certain; if he hadn't seen her naked then maybe they could've become just a pair of innocent friends. But there was no ignoring that that night had happened, and so naturally—like many others in the past—Maverick wanted more. But because he was slightly different from everyone else, she couldn't find it in her to let him down. That was it, right? That was the only reason why when he had called, she'd accepted his offer to take her out? Well, if she avoided reasoning too hard she could fool herself into thinking that was the case. Really it was because she truly was interested. Maybe not interested in the romantic sense; no, definitely not that. In Topaz's mind, romance was the deadliest of sins. But interested to know more about this man, who'd actually made an impact on her, way back when she was eighteen and all-too-eager to forget everything she did. But she'd grown up a lot in the past three years—in ways she hadn't necessarily wanted to—and after all this time, she still remembered Maverick Miles, the aspiring Flickerman-in-training, who she'd actually enjoyed herself with. Wasted or otherwise.

So she'd give him his second date. Though it really wasn't her thing, maybe it would be fun; a chance to get away from the chaos that was mentoring two top six tributes for the second year in a row. Admittedly her skill as a mentor seemed to be improving with little effort on her own part—considering her tributes had been making it farther in the 60th and 61st—but that didn't make dealing with their welfare in the arena any easier. An escape, even if only for a night, was quite welcome. And she'd gladly take the sex, too, if opportunity presented itself; not because she needed it as a distraction, but because the last person she'd slept with was Stark nearly two weeks ago in training, and she was anxious to wipe her slate clean of her vicious blonde tribute in any way possible. Stupid. You knew you'd pay for it in the aftermath.

The redhead didn't know exactly when Maverick was coming; as soon as she'd hung up the phone she realized that they hadn't settled on a time. Or had they? Either way, she couldn't remember, so just to be safe she began getting dressed fairly early. After some deliberation she chose a silver halter dress; it was form fitting, yes, but it went nearly to her knees, nothing like the painfully tight, shimmery teal ensemble that barely covered her ass that she'd worn the first time they'd gone out. And it had been accompanied by feathers. What had she been thinking? Well, regardless of what she'd done in the past she wasn't about to let Maverick think of her as raunchy and easy any longer. Worried he'll think you're a slut when you've already slept with him? Isn't that like closing the barn door after the horse has bolted? She'd already embarked on a sort of quest to improve her reputation; needless to say, it wasn't working very well, but that didn't mean she was going to stop trying.

She'd been pinning up the last bit of her painstakingly curled fiery locks - she really had no idea why she was trying so hard - when he knocked on the door, two short, clean raps. Swiftly she yanked the curling iron out of the socket and left it smoldering on her countertop while she pulled on a pair of strappy silver heels and strode over to open the door, plastering a casual smile across her sophisticatedly made-up face. Once she saw him, though, the smile widened and became genuine, leaving her wondering why was she so happy to see him? "Hello, Mav," she greeted him warmly, though she was pretty sure he'd never given her the go-ahead for a nickname. "Good to see you again."

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but with all my education
i can't seem to command it
and the words are all escaping
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It wasn't easy, being a victor these days. Actually, Topaz assumed it hadn't been easy being a victor any days, but at this moment in time it was exceedingly difficult. At a time when the Hunger Games were at their peak of popularity, starstruck Capitolites drank in every bit of information they possibly could about their champions, and they constantly wanted more. More interviews, more public appearances, more autographs, more scandals, secrets, and candid images. Tope knew the Capitolites truly did love her, but that didn't mean they weren't about to try and get every bit of dirt on her possible. Where had she partied the previous night? Who had she disappeared with into a supply closet? How much had she drank? Sure, when more victors had been crowned after her the attention had dwindled a bit, but the fans soon realized that Heron wasn't exactly celebrity material, Lethe was slightly strange, and Mace was the 'strong but silent' type, and immediately turned back to their lovable socialite Career victor of the 56th Games. Following the 60th Games, though, much notice transferred to Julian Bryze, another Career victor at long last. Though Topaz could almost truthfully say it was a relief, the fame-craving part of her that had lasted through the Hunger Games was still slightly jealous.

The Capitol, though, was much preferable to One despite all the blinding limelight. Here, they loved her; in One, they were wary of her. They sidestepped around her, afraid that even one glance or comment would awaken the dormant volcano inside her and she would erupt, finally, letting loose everything she'd had bottled up since Nash had died and Saph had died and her life had, for all intents and purposes, shattered into pieces. What they didn't know was that she'd long since mended whatever was mendable of her broken heart, stitching it together with steadfast tendrils of alcohol and partying and sex. What was left was still not fully repaired, but it was enough to let her live every day without feeling like she was going to crack. The people of One? They didn't understand that. And although the Capitolites didn't either, they didn't care. And that was the difference.

Topaz smiled wider as Maverick announced that she was a 'sight'. Sure, plenty of people had told her that in the past, but somehow it meant more coming from him. Probably because he was the only one she'd ever cared to see again after a one night stand. "Well, you don't look half bad yourself." And he did look quite nice, as if he'd carefully taken the time to clean up for her. Just like you did for him, hmm? When he kissed her cheek, she closed her eyes a moment and paid close attention to see if she felt anything, but as she has suspected, there was little more there than curiosity. She didn't want to lean away, though, as she would with most other people; in contrast, it felt very natural. There was no spark, no yearning for more, but it was incredibly regular to have him kiss her cheek and not the least bit unsettling. Which left her wondering.

Her date - Tope couldn't help but give a start at the thought - helped her into his car and informed her that he'd planned an evening for them outside the city. The redhead raised her eyebrows slightly in inquisition and anticipation; she rarely ventured outside the City limits unless she was on a train heading back to or from One. As they drove, he spoke again. "You have to let me know if it reminds you of One. I'd love to visit there, myself." Topaz chuckled a bit inwardly; a Capitolite would surely be more comfortable in One than any other district, but that didn't mean any would like it there. "Well One's nice, I suppose, but I prefer the Capitol." Understatement of the year. "It's just a lot more exciting here. One's a bit low-key in comparison."

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and i would give all this and heaven too
i would give it all if only for a moment
that i could just understand
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"I can't imagine anywhere with you being low-key." Oh, how correct he was. Topaz had a train of drama following her, always had, and this had only escalated a hundredfold since she'd been lifted from the flaming 56th arena, victorious. She used to crave the attention; now, well, she liked to think she loathed it, but in all actuality she was well aware that she depended on it. The constant presence of flashbulbs and reporters was a sort of masochistic comfort to her, because who would she be, when the cameras stopped rolling? A mere shell of herself, that was for sure. Topaz Ross relied on media attention in order to retain some semblance of sanity, of self, or else she'd completely fall to pieces. With no one left to catch her and mend her back up.

"I get it, though. I do. I think you're bound to find wherever you grew up a little underwhelming. I'm so glad to be out of the avenues myself." Topaz snorted internally, wondering how anyone could possibly find the Capitol underwhelming. It was full of sights and sounds, never sleeping, always alert. Opportunities around every corner, if you were brave - or stupid - enough to search for them. Nothing like One, a place where, although luxurious, everyone was confined to clearly designated boundaries just like in every other district of Panem. In the Capitol, you could go anywhere, do anything. And that was only further proved when the car turned a corner and out in front of them was a sight that successfully took the champion's breath away: a lake, one she thought she recognized from various train rides - it sat in between One and the Capitol - but it was different, being right up alongside it instead of viewing it from afar. It sat alongside the mountains that were characteristic of the Capitol, sparkling and serene and so, so blue. But what was even more breathtaking was the exquisite wooden house built beside it, slightly elevated, perfectly placed.

Tope's eyes widened as she stared in absolute awe, allowing Maverick to weave his fingers through hers and lead her to the threshold of this beautiful marvel. It wasn't vast and echoing, nor lush and modern. It wasn't a replica of fine Capitol mansions or apartments, nor those found in One. It was incredibly unique and quaint and calming, speckled with candles that gave off a dim, inviting light. It seemed to be just asking her to come in, forget her troubles, relax. "Would you like a drink?" Of course she'd like a drink, she was Topaz Ross. Pushing away her misgivings - she'd fully well planned to enjoy herself tonight, and a little alcohol always helped - she smiled brightly and nodded. "I'd love one. Wine's perfect," she added, noticing the bottle already uncorked in the middle of the table. And indeed it was; she wasn't interested in anything harder, not tonight. Tonight was a test, to see if she was capable of intimacy without being piss drunk. To see if she could actually have a good time and remember it the next morning. And in addition, to see if Maverick Miles was just the sort of medicine she needed.

"My family hasn't used this place in years. We used to vacation here in the summers but life sort of got in the way. Shame, really." Topaz was struck by a quick twinge of jealousy; her family had so rarely done anything remotely fun together in her younger years. Sure, they weren't really permitted to leave the limits of the district save for on business, but there were plenty of enjoyable things they could've done in their own city, should her parents had ever cared enough to. She had very few fond recollections of her childhood that involved her family. Although maybe the absence of those memories was a blessing; their presence would undoubtedly only have made having a dead sister all the more painful. "It's marvelous," she breathed, taking it all in once more. "And I'm more than a little jealous. Wish I had a secret place as exciting as this one to keep hidden."

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and it talks to me it tiptoes
it sings to me inside
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Topaz didn't know what to make of Maverick's pulling the chair out for her; though it was clearly a gesture meant to be polite and chivalrous, she'd met plenty a man who'd tried to do so initially just to impress her and then, over dinner, dancing, or in bed, proved to be the most trashy, ghastly specimen of human being, alcohol or otherwise. But you know him. He's not like that. No, he wasn't. Maverick Miles truly was chivalrous; as far as she knew, anyway. He'd proved that on their first date, and he continued to prove that now. And how rare is that to find? Especially when it came to her, because the drunken bastards she usually associated with treated her rotten because they knew she barely resisted. And she didn't. But still, it's a breath of fresh air, isn't it?

The wine was absolutely delicious, unlike even the most expensive Capitol wines she'd tasted. And she'd tasted a fair few of those; following her victory she'd drank wine with President Snow himself (bar the fact that she was only sixteen years old at the time) at a party at the president's mansion. But this surpassed it; it was sweet enough to make her tongue curl. "I've been saving this. It's from Eleven, five years ago when the harvest was especially sweet." Five years ago. She knew it was intended to be a completely harmless phrase, but she knew exactly how much time had passed since she'd emerged from the arena. One thousand, eight hundred and twenty-four days. Nearly five years exactly. Five years ago to the day she had been in the arena, soon to emerge a wallowing, mourning teenage champion. And over in Eleven they were harvesting sweet grapes like it didn't even matter. But now here she was, in a secluded lake cabin with someone she could actually say she liked, drinking wine over a candlelit table. She'd changed, no doubt. And quite a lot. "It's wonderful."

"Tonight, it's our secret place." Topaz absolutely could not pinpoint the inexplicable jolt of excitement that tingled up her spine as he spoke those words; when had she ever been excited for anything as of late, let alone a night with someone who wasn't Nash? Well, you're determined to enjoy yourself, aren't you? Something tells me you already are. And she was; this was fun. It sure beat hanging around the training center, at least. Or getting completely hammered at a party and forgetting everything the next morning. The redhead found herself staring intently at Mav's lips as he spoke, and somewhat unwillingly she realized that she was eager to taste them again. Hungry to taste them again. Not on the same level as she had been for another in the past, but for her? It wasn't anything to scoff at.

She was taken by surprise when Maverick asked if it really was so bad in her district. Could he actually tell that she hated it? After only exchanging a few words about it. "It's, well... the thing is, in my victor's house when I walk around I can't help but think of how strange it is without..." she let her voice trail off, unwilling to mention Sapphire and ruin the night by getting upset. "And then there's also my parents; who are pretty unbearable." Understatement of the year. "Technically as a legal adult I could kick them out whenever I want - we still own our other mansion, because it's still their legal residence - but I don't see the point, when I'm happier in my Capitol apartment most of the time anyway." She attempted unsuccessfully to wrench her gaze from his lips as he tipped back some more wine. "So when I'm there, I don't like to be home. But when I'm out, people stare. Accusing stares, not excited stares. Like I've let them down, or something. But I don't know how I did." So what if she partied? She wasn't the only victor who did so, and certainly not the only from One.

"So I prefer it in the Capitol," the champion finished with a sigh, taking another sip of wine. She could feel her thoughts growing pleasantly muddled already, satisfied with the fact that it wouldn't get much worse than this; she'd stay tipsy for the night, enough to have fun, but not enough that she'd regret it in the morning. Enough that she could truly enjoy herself as herself, not as some hopelessly smashed slut posing as Topaz Ross. When she put the glass down, she was feeling quite a bit braver. So naturally, she decided to take matters into her own hands and get what she wanted. In a graceful gesture, Tope leaned over to Mav, took his face in her hands, and pressed her lips rather roughly against his, kissing him long and hard before pulling away.