just ride [Wonder, Blitz]

The air seems to catch in her throat, making her unable to breath. How long had it been since she'd last talked to Carmen? A year at least - but she'd seen her, in the school hallways. A couple of knowing waves, small ones at that, gentle flicks of the wrist that didn't really mean anything, it meant something to me, though. Trevor had cut her off from her old life.. not that she cared all that much, Ellis needed a change more than anything, some new scenery. But perhaps it was a little drastic to change absolutely everything of her life, take a whole new life that she didn't know - drugs, alcohol. Sure, she'd had a few drinks now and then in the girls, but not to the extreme of Trev's friends - never to that extent. But that was the past now, it was all the best.

Every step up to Carmen's door seemed to add another pain up her leg, Ellis scratched anxiously and the scar along her thigh, still elevated from the accident. The scratching didn't make it any better, sure, but it was a habit now, the inflammation, the pain was a constant reminder of where she'd been - and how painful the future would be now. Keep walking. The only thing you can do is apologize. She chanted wishfully in her head, but as she knocked in the door, Ellis wish she hadn't. "What are you doing here." Carmen looked beautiful as always, even when she just woke up you could see her endless beauty, Ellis had always been jealous.

Run. Her bones told her as Carmen tore into her. Run, she won't care, she won't. But there was so much to be done still, so much to be forgiven, Ellis had changed landscapes, but realized how much she missed home, the old landscapes. "I'm sorry." She paused, that wasn't enough. "For everything." No better.

Why did she even care? Ellis stood cold on the doorstep of a girl who once upon a time, used to be her best friend asking for forgiveness, but why? Wrapping her cardigan tighter around her, she bites her lips out of pure anxiety, what was the point of coming if the only thing that Carmen was going to do was tear into her, insult her, chew her up and spit her up. There didn't even seem to be a point at all. Why had she come in the first place? I was so lonely, I can't do this anymore, being by myself - I need them, all of them. The girls were bitchy, and Ellie knew that, she knew that and yet she still wanted to be back in their group, laugh at each other's secrets, share secrets, talk about boys and how cute they were.

They once talked about Trevor, the one boy that Ellis had won over Carmen, the one time - and look where that ended up. Dead, death and pain - Ellis could still hear the gentle hum of the fallen motorcycle in her ears, feel the thick sap of blood along her fingertips, but it made no matter - because she was alive. She was kicking, walking, she was apologizing, trying to be friends with her old friends because life wasn't where she'd wanted it to be. "Carmen, I almost died." She did die, emotionally, Ellis hadn't spoken to anybody for months, only staring at bland walls, empty, she'd been empty. "Trevor is dead - so any problems between us are buried." Ellis paused to look down, he was below them now. "Literally." Ellis cradled her elbow uncomfortably, the more she held back, the less of a chance of Carmen leaving her - again. "I'm just trying to start anew, and I'd like you to be apart of that, but if not, it's whatever. I guess."