RENEGADE//what i do//OPEN

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE.

We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous, you must be a sorceress, cuz you just
Did the impossible; gained my trust, don't play games it'll be dangerous

Hawke Ottawa Evanski sat...somewhere. It was dark, damp, and far away from civilization. Must have been an alley. That would explain how familiar it felt. He spent lots of time in the alleys these days. There wasn't any other very safe place to get high, after all. The Peacekeepers could find anyone who wasn't careful. Their official reason for confiscating drugs was for the safety of people. Hawke knew that, really, they just wanted more for themselves. Damn bitches.

Hawke tried to think of the last time he had left the spot he was sitting, hunched over, in, and found he couldn't remember. That wasn't surprising--he normally never moved when he wasn't high. His muscles felt cramped and tight, but, frankly, he didn't give a fuck. What was a little soreness compared to the pain in his heart?

Glancing around, he saw a bunch of pathetic losers hanging out in the alley, all of them smoking, using, or doing both. He snorted at how stupid they looked, but then he remembered that he was just like them, so he stopped making any sounds. Who was he to judge anyways? He was sitting in the alley as well, so he wasn't any better than they were.

An steady dripping of water was coming from a pipe a few feet away from him, something that had been bothering him for ages. Drip...drop...drip...drop. Damn. He moved his head an inch to the left to look at it, wanted to stop the irritatingly endless sound. Was it really too much to ask for some peace? Hawke just wanted to be left alone in his misery. He didn't want anything to get in the way of his depression. Besides, it was best to be alone. Friends and family...everyone...they were traitors. He couldn't trust them.

He wasn't always alone in the literal sens. Physically, he was with someone last night (that was probably the last time he had moved, actually.) But he hadn't had a connection of spirit with anyone in years. He hated almost everything that existed. His family...well, they were dead. Ileana...damn, she was a bitch. And fuck, it hurt to think of her. He could never get away from her haunting memory. Why else would he have sex with a different girl every day? It was absolutely pathetic. He wasn't even above going back to her (it was depressed how little pride he had), but he was terrified of rejection. His life was stupid.

Drip...drop...drip...drop. The annoying dripping was a testament to how low he had slumped. He hung out in the worst places, and he probably didn't smell even remotely good. He sighed softly, and took out a flask filled with water (nope, no alcohol, although it did sound good). He took a large gulp of the somewhat warm and old liquid, swishing it around in his mouth a few times before swallowing. The water actually felt nice as it ran down his throat. First nice thing all day.

Hawke rolled his eyes at how uninteresting a day he was having. He pulled the old brown leather jacket he was wearing closer to himself, looking up, and seriously considering taking a walk. Or maybe he could find a club to hang out in for the night. He was bored anyways, and, really, he hadn't done much today. Maybe he could bring a girl back to a dirty motel for some...mature activities.

His mind decided, Hawke slowly stood, nearly causing a commotion in the apathetic alley. He ignored all the druggies. One guy stared at him with large, bugged-out eyes, clearly high. Not feeling particularly charitable, Hawke flipped him off as he walked out of the alley into the grimy town of his district. Son of a bitch.

He wandered around slumped over and aimlessly for a while, unresponsive to the activity around him. He didn't even bother taking any notice of the people who walked past him as he hung on the outskirts of the streets. They were far to sane for his taste. He really needed to get out of the town. Honestly, he had no patience for anything these days. These damn people were messing with his head. What he actually needed was something to clear his head. Everything was so much simpler when he didn't understand a single thing.

He ducked into the nearest alley, observing that it wasn't much different than the last place he was in. The same druggies sprawled all over the place, high out of their minds. As sad as it was, this was where he belonged. Where else could he spend his entire day out of his mind?

Hawke sat down again, and everyone who had looked up disinterestedly when he entered the alley went back to minding their own business. Hawke popped a tablet of ecstasy into his mouth, closing his eyes slowly and simply listening to the familiar sounds of what he considered home. The far-off scuffling, the groaning, the swearing, and the drip...drop..drip...drop...


ooc: Yeah, I dunno what's up with this post. The last three paragraphs kinda suck. Sorry.