Confessions. [Rae]

Just as i await to leave this secret hideout i begin thinking of Trai... I wished she were here. I leave and then im out in the fresh air. Its been forever since ive been alone like this, but i dont like it. I want to see trai... I pull out my cellular phone, ancient but oh well, and dial her house... No answer, she must be out. I begin to hum a song, its rare around here, but mom would sing it to me, until she died. I begin walking until i am finally in town.. I look to see a blonde girl a couple hundred yards away on a bench... I pick up my pace and come to a jog, thats when i see her on the bench, eyes closed.... Beautiful... i mean, eew girl... gross.

"Hey" she tells me as we reach eachother. "Hey yourself" i say poking her in the stomach... I wonder what she was doing over there, hmm. I wonder if she ever thinks about me, but then what if she does... surely just a friendly thought, nothing more or less... i think...

I shrugged not really wanting to think about my day with Rory while im with Trai... Does she really want to know? Or does it not matter? I dont know, i hate girls... of course i dont what a stupid thing to think... I feel the warmth of her hand in mine and i buckle up.. this is just a friendship thing.. right? It has to be. We always do this.. what changed? "Well do you want to know?" I ask her, as she would normally pester me until i tell her..

I caught a look from her, but it couldnt be what i think it is, dissappointment and hurt? No, i must be mistaken.. Or i could be dead on and she could be jealous... Doubtful. "Im just tired and all.." She tells me after she sighs, which i totally know isnt the reason.. I drop it not wanting her to get upset. I smile to myself, she's jealous. We walk the next few minutes in silence... I cant hold back any longer... "You jealous or something Trai?" I ask the unbelieveable... I smile again..

"Okay, so here it goes." she begins then a rush of words fly at me and i feel like all i got outof them was "really like you," No possible way! I thought she would be jealous because i hadnt talked to her all day. I stand in silence as she is looking away.. ashamed? Ugh. Yes, why would she want to like me... Im a nutcase that blows things up on a daily basis, someone who loses a mother and takes to his hideout... Of course, why would anyone want to like me? I am an idiot that needs to just stick it outin his hideout forever. "Your ashamed..." i tell her, or rather state it to myself outloud, as if i found something out that's been staring me in the face since we were little, she is ashamed to even be near me...

"N-No. Im not ashamed, at all." This only depresses me more, now she is trying to lie and comfort me... She is hugging me tight, well i think she is, i feel very little pressure... She is so small. "You dont have to lie to me.." I tell her, hugging her back, because she is being too kind to me, lying and all.