Vladimir Dostoyevsky Avox Done!

My hands are tied, they're going numb
I don't know where they've brought me
My throat's torn raw from all my screams
But no one can hear me
In the dark it seems I lose my dignity
Between the pain and tears
There's only fear

Look out the window and see me running. I'll fly by at the speed of lightning not looking back. I don't want anyone to see me. I want to be invisible. I don't want anyone to notice that I even exist. I lurk in the shadows hiding from people waiting for my escape. I spent seventeen years trapped in District Eleven, and I finally escaped from it. I ran for my life not wanting to go back. I ran past the fence into the forest. I ran as fast as I could wanting to escape everything. I didn't want anyone to follow me, but it was too late. The hovercrafts quickly followed behind me. I wanted to get away, but I had no place to hide. They were watching me. I tried to hide, but I was finally caught. I was changed. I was hoping for my escape from District Eleven, and i found it, but it wasn't what I was looking for. It's hard to believe it's been three years ago since this all happened. My name is Vladimir Dostoyevsky, and I am an Avox.

Escape (We don't want to save ourselves)
We will not be contained
(Let's fly away with all the angels)
We're breaking out tonight

I am here in the flash of lightning, but I quickly go away. If I'm seen at all, I'll have to leave again. I've been seen before, and the trip to leave again was very unnecessary. The person pointed right at me. Laughing at my looks. I'm not the prettiest person in the world. My hair is very dark, rough, and lays flat on my head. It was like this when I was at home with my family. I try to keep it like that, but at times it's very hard. It shaggier than it was before I left home. My mother used to keep it nice and neat, but being away from her for three years changed everything about me. My hair falls to the bottom of my neck. The sides fall just below my ears, and the bangs fall into my eyes. I never wanted to look like this when I was younger, but now I don't care, and in all honesty, I'll never care again. I wonder what my mother would say about my hair now.

My face is shaped like an odd looking circle causing me to have a chubby face. I hate it. I hate the shape of it. I wish it was different, but I wouldn't change it. It reminds me of my father. I have his facial features. My brown, busy eyebrows sit above my eyes shading them from the sun that shines. My brown eyes are at an angle pointing towards my nose. The whites usually go unnoticed, and I'm fine with that. Tiny, dark circles sit under my eyes from the lack of sleep I experience now. My nose is like a pig nose. I hate it. The nostrils are huge and round. I want to laugh when I look at my reflection. I blame my father for these. My lips are puffy like I've had an allergic reaction to something. I hardly ever turn the tips of my lips upward into a smile. It just doesn't seem right anymore. My voice is absent. I can't talk because I'm missing my tongue. Why can't I be normal like everyone else?

I'm very lean. I don't eat much. I basically refuse to eat. I eat once every day because I have to have enough to survive. My ribs are showing. I can count them without taking a deep breath. I don't have to make myself skinnier for people to notice how underfed I am. I'm basically a slab of skin plastered to my bones. My arms aren't built like they once were. I've lost a lot of muscle. I lost a lot of weight since I was caught. I have flab that hangs down. I will change this one day. I will change it all. I will gain the muscles back when I get the chance, but right now, I don't care. (I stopped caring when I lost what I loved most. I stopped caring when my tongue was painfully removed from my mouth.) My legs looks like chicken legs they are so thin. I want to laugh at them, but it's impossible. My whole body is a laughing joke.

Searching for a crack of light
But it seems to be changing
Is the sun leaving the sky
Or is it me that is fading
In the dark unseen
I know you search for me
I feel you drawing near
You fight my fear

When I was younger, I always wanted attention from everyone. I didn't want anyone to not notice me. I thought I was the best child in the world. My parents gave me almost everything I wanted. They would go without so I could have what I wanted. They didn't know how to say no. I would go around District Eleven causing a lot of commotion trying to get others to notice me. "Hey, look at me! I'm over here! I have something I want to say!" I would get in trouble at school because I had the attention span of a whole five minutes. I would start talking so everyone would stare at me. I felt like it would bring me to a happy place. I wanted to be in the middle of all the attention. I wasn't shy. I wasn't quiet. It was what I thought was supposed to happen because it's what a lot of children my age did. I wanted to fit in. I wanted them to accept me.

I grew older and realized that I didn't want everyone to pay attention to me. It would only cause me to get in trouble. I hated being in trouble. I hated how my parents would react every day I came home from school. I decided it would be best for me to be quiet. I would still talk to people all the time. I wasn't shy. I wasn't the shy person most people thought it was best to be. I wanted to make friends. Everyone should want to make friends. It's terrible being all alone in this lonely place. I would go up to people that were alone, and I would talk to them. I would introduce myself hoping they would become friends with me. I used to find it funny how people would stare at me like they were afraid of me, but I get it now. I would have been afraid of me too because I was known for wanting all the attention in the world. That was something I was forced to change quickly.

I became a teenager, and I changed yet again. I wanted to be the quiet person that nobody talked to. I was afraid of the reaping. I was afraid that I could die. I started living my life in fear of everything. I was afraid to step out of line because I started to realize the peacekeepers meant serious business. They were looking for people that broke the laws. I was afraid of my parents. They became strict. "Don't get in trouble. You are being watched. Just behave and don't do anything wrong." My mother said this to me everyday. I started listening to her. I lurked in the shadows away from everyone. I wanted to be good. I didn't need to draw anymore attention to myself. I became quiet and shy. It was best for me to be this way. It was best for me to be like this. I changed how people viewed me. I wasn't the troublemaker, attention catcher everyone saw me as. I became the quiet, shy boy that wanted to be left alone.

I grew older. The fear of the peacekeepers and of Panem kept surging through my veins. I still didn't want to step out of line. I wasn't noticed by anyone anymore. I was being ignored just like I wanted. I thought it was best to be ignored, but it wasn't. I was alone. I was alone without a friend to run to. I hated it, but I can't change it now. I could sit in the shadows of everyone and not care. I became very lonely. I didn't have any friends to turn to. I was trapped inside of my own mind. I was locked away from everyone. Taric, an old friend, started bullying me. He wanted the old me back. I locked my emotions away. I was afraid to let them out. I was afraid of what everyone would say to me. I kept to myself never talking to anyone. I was alone like I had wanted to be. I never realized how much it hurt me though. The pain that surged through my body was unbelievable. It was almost unbearable. I had lit a bomb that was waiting to explode, and that's exactly what happened. I ruined everything.

Now I live with the pain and regret of what I did. It's my fault everything happened. I didn't let my emotions flow freely, and they exploded destroying my life forever. My heart shattered at what I did. Everyday I'm filled with regret. I don't know how to make it go away. It's stuck inside of me burning through my veins causing me to spill many tears. My heart breaks every time I think of what happened. "Never hold your emotions in. It'll only explode and make everything much worse than it already is." If I only listened to my mother, I might still be in District Eleven with her. I might be able to have a good nights sleep for once. I'm haunted by it. Every time I close my eyes I can hear the screams of him begging me to stop. I can see the blood spewing from his arteries as he cries. I can hear him saying he was sorry for everything he did. He didn't mean to hurt me, but it was too late. I live with it now. I can't get over the pain I feel. I wish I never reacted the way I did. I'm trapped inside my mind with no escape.

I've changed a lot since I left home. At first, I was afraid of the unknown, but that quickly changed. I've grown afraid of the Capitol. I live to serve them now, and I fell into a depression. I miss being able to talk. I miss being able to help my parents raise the two sets of twins. I think about them all the time. I constantly wonder what life would be like if I was still back home. I cry constantly wishing I would have listened to my mother. She knew what was best, and I hate that I didn't listen to her. I wish I could die and get away from this place. Death would be better than living in the Capitol for the rest of my life serving my master. I would finally be free. I can escape in death, but now I can't. I want to be left alone. I have hope that I'll be away from here. I have to keep strong, but it's hard. I want to be happy again.

Escape (We don't want to save ourselves)
We will not be contained
(Let's fly away with all the angels)
We're breaking out tonight
Fear is not our master anymore
Run with me, escape
We're breaking out tonight

I was born twenty years ago to Melvina and Hagan Dostoyevsky. Melvina was nineteen when I was born, and Hagan was twenty. They started dating five years before this happened, but they didn't want to say anything out of fear they'd lose one another in the Hunger Games. They were married five months before I came into the world. Their marriage was forced upon them, but their love towards each other had already grown a lot. It wasn't a bad marriage. I was their first born. Being their first born meant a lot of pressure being placed on me. I cried all the time keeping my parents awake. Hagan, my father, worked hard in the fields to bring in what little money he could while Melvina, my mother, stayed home to raise me. The family of three was perfect. My mother started spoiling me because I was the only child she had. She didn't have to worry about treating me equally because there wasn't another child to compare me too.

We were happy as a family of three. Three years went by. I had learnt to walk, and I started climbing things when my parents weren't looking. I wanted all the attention. I would cry when my father left for work. I would scream for hours begging him to come back home. My mother constantly started complaining of having a headache. I didn't know what that meant though. "When dada coming home?" I ask between the tears that's rolling down my face. It would break my mother's heart every time I asked, but she would always answer calmly. "He will be home after he finishes work. Once he gets home today we have a surprise for you." My heart grew happy. I wanted to know what the surprise was. The excitement that grew inside me was too much for me contain. "Tell me! Tell me!" I begged her, but I knew it wasn't going to do any good. Finally, my father arrived home. I ran up to him, and jumped in his arms. "Vladimir, you're going to be a big brother."

A few months later, my mother gave birth to my twin brothers, Shiloh, and Rhett. At first, I was sad because I had brothers. I was three. I wanted to be an only child forever. I cried when my mother would hold them because I wanted to be held. I wanted her to pay attention to me. I felt like I was ignored. My father started paying attention to me more when he was home. He would spend every hour he could with me when he wasn't helping my mother. "Vlad, listen, you are a big brother now. You have two younger brothers. I need you to help momma care for them." I just nodded my head as a few tears slid down my face. Pay attention to me. Just play game with me. I walked over and looked at my twin brothers for the first time. A huge smile appeared on my face. I was happy to finally see them. So helpless and innocent.

Two years past, and I had just started going to school. I was also put in charge of climbing in the trees to the highest branches to pick the apples from the tree that the older people couldn't reach. I thought it was fun. I liked to tiptoe across the branches in the skies. I would carry a small sack to place the apples in. It was great. At school, the teachers talked about Panem, and the Hunger Games. (I never thought they sounded fun.) I would always act out in class wanting everyone to notice me. I thought it was the best way to make friends. I was never told differently. I would wait until the teacher was talking about something important to interrupt. It was fun although she would tell my parents what I've done. I hated going home to face the punishment that waited.

A year later, my mother walked into the house. Her belly swollen like it was when she gave birth to my younger brothers. I knew without her telling me. I knew I was about to be a big brother again. I didn't want to be a big brother. I was already a big brother. I didn't need anymore siblings. "Vlad, we are about to introduce another member into the family." My mother said excitedly. I felt my heart jump as she talked with her excitement. She was happy about it, and seeing her being happy made me happy. Although I wasn't going to get all the attention I wanted, I was going to be able to help raise them. We waited and waited until finally my mother gave birth to Matthias, and Desmond the second set of twins. I'm glad I don't have a twin. I can be treated as a single person. I am my own person. I won't have my name added every time one of my brother's names is said.

The next few years flew by without a problem. I stopped trying to get the attention of everyone. I was ten and I realized how important it was to not be in the middle of everything. I still wanted to make friends though. I would talk to people trying to make friends, but it never worked out well. I would scare everyone away. I spent the rest of my free time working so I wouldn't bother anyone. I was the oldest child. I was responsible for helping raise my four younger brothers despite the fact of everything going on. My mother was falling ill, and she became unable to work. She was barely able to keep the family together anymore. It was sad, but she managed to live. She fought with everything she had. "Please mother. You can make it through this. I need you too." I plead every night before I went to bed. I thought it would help her out.

I turned fifteen. I had made friends with another guy named Taric. We would work together in the orchards. I wasn't able to climb to the highest branches anymore, so I worked lower down where the branches were strong enough to hold me. I didn't want to fall to the ground to my possible death. Taric worked by my side. We would talk about everything. I never had a friend like him, and I'm grateful for him to be in my life. He's a year older than me, and he kept me sane. When I was around him, I wouldn't be quiet. I was quiet around everyone else. I wanted to lurk in the shadows away from everyone, but Taric caused me to be different. He was different. He liked making fun of people. I never understood why he did, but it was him. I refused to be a part of that. I will not make fun of people that don't deserve it. Nobody deserves to be made fun of.

I turned seventeen, and Taric turned on me. He started making fun of me because I wouldn't make fun of others. He would taunt me everyday. He started refusing to work with me. I did what I could to ignore him, but the pain from the words he said to me echoed across my mind constantly. I was afraid to tell my parents what he was doing because my mother was still extremely ill. I didn't want to bother her. I didn't want my father to intervene because it would only make this worse. "Vladimir is afraid of everything. He's a loser. He doesn't deserve any friends. He's going to be a loner for the rest of his life." For a while, I would let it go in one ear and out of the other. I didn't want to cause any trouble. I didn't want to lose the one friendship I had built. (It was already gone though. I was never meant to have friends. Of course, I didn't know that until now.)

I grew tired of him making fun of me. I wanted it all to go away. I never wanted him to bother me again. I wanted to get away from me. I wanted him to know that he doesn't get away with messing with me, but I was too afraid to do anything. I had locked all my emotions away. I wasn't sleeping at night. I would pace the floor looking for an escape. My face became downcast. My father started worrying about me, and it drove me crazy. I didn't need anyone to worry about me. "Vlad, are you alright? Is something bothering you? You can tell me anything you know that right?" My father started questioning me every day. I wanted to scream at him. The anger that surged through me was impossible to deal with. The bomb inside of me had been lit, and the fuse is slowly working it's way to the actual bomb. "I'm fine." I hissed at him angrily.

I ran out of the house. I run through the fields as fast as I can not caring what I step on. I had to find Taric. I had to find him so I could get back at him, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I couldn't tell him payback was coming. I just had to find him. I ran through the many orchards looking for him. I would call his name begging for him to come. "Taric, I want to talk to you! Please come here!" I hid the emotion that built in my chest. I hid the anger that was flowing through my veins. I made sure my voice was calm and steady. I didn't want him to realize how angry I was. I just wanted him to hear me. I wanted him to know I was wanting to see him. "Taric, please I just want to talk to you. Where are you?" I call over and over again as I run through the orchards. I stop and pick a sickle up that's laying on the ground. "I'm right here Vladimir. What do you want?"

"Let's go for a walk." I bring a smile to my face. I twirl the sickle around in my hand. He nods his head and we walk together. I can feel the anger pulsing through my veins. My heart races under my chest. My breathing becomes labored as we reach the farthest point of the orchards. Not a single person is here. Great, this will work perfectly. My mind causes the world around me to spin. I feel dizzy. I can already feel the regret growing inside my chest. I have to do this though. I will teach him to never make fun of me ever again. I turn and face him. I quickly bring the sickle up to his neck slamming it inside. He screams in pain as the blood spurts from the artery. "What are you doing?" He cries. "Help me!" He screams at the top of his lungs. "What are you doing to me? Stop it hurts!"

I keep slamming the sickle into him. He screams in pain each time the sickle pierces his skin. Blood spews out of him covering me. "You will never make fun of anyone ever again!" I scream at the top my lungs. His cries fill the air around me. Blood drips from his mouth, but I don't stop. I won't stop until he's dead. "Just....wai-...til...they....find...you. You...wi-will regret this...." Taric coughs between his ragged breaths. I stare at him the bomb that was once lit inside me exploded. I lost all control. My hands shake at my side. "Fuck the Capitol! They are nothing to me! They can kiss my ass! I don't care what they do because they are stupid pieces of shit! You hear that! I'm not afraid of you. Fuck everyone of you!" I scream at the to of my lungs as Taric breaths his last breath. My mind calms down as I realize I just killed a man.

I take off running as fast as I can through the district heading towards the fence. The peacekeepers start following me chasing after me. Blood drips off the sickle I'm holding. I quickly throw it over into the fields trying to hide it, but I know it's no good. Adrenaline surges through me keeping me running as fast as I can. I don't want them to catch me. I just want to run away and die away from everyone. I run past my house only to see my family sitting on the porch. My mother's face changes when she see's me. "Vlad, what have you done?" She asks as she breaks down and collapses to the ground. My heart shatters, but I force myself to keep running. I run past the fence into the Capitol woods. I'm no longer safe. I can't find a place to hide. My heart races as tears pour down my face. A hovercraft appears above me. I collapse to the ground bringing my hands over my ears wishing this was just a bad dream.

This is our time
We can't let our fear define us
This is our time
From this nightmare we're reborn
This is our time
This is our time to escape

That is all a memory now. I don't want to remember anymore of the pain that went with becoming an Avox. I was changed for killing Taric. He constantly visits me in my dreams. I want him to go away and never visit me again. I'm haunted by what I've done. I regret killing him, and I would change it if I could. I wish I was back home with my family. I constantly wonder what they are doing without me. It's been three years. I'm dead to them now. I'm dead to everyone I knew. I wish I was back working in the fields, but that is impossible. I'm here until I die. "Listen to what you are told, and everything will be alright." My mother always told me this, and I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have listened to her smart advice, but I can't now. I sit here in silence remembering everything that happened to me. I wait for my escape. I want to be able to escape from the world that haunts me.

We will not be contained
(Let's fly away with all the angels)
We're breaking out tonight
Fear is not our master anymore
Run with me, escape
We're breaking out tonight

oDair

Lyrics: Escape by Fireflight
4186 words not counting lyrics

Narration CC8F33
Thoughts CC6733
Hearing FFAA11
Speech FF7711
Other FFCC22