Avox ~ Entity Cathor

I am known to be honest, because lying is a terrible thing I cannot bring myself to do. I don't tell secrets unless it involves lying. I am also exceedingly modest. I hate saying I like anything about myself because I really don't and I believe I am a horrible person who should be locked away or killed. I deserve everything I have gotten myself into, every beating, every insult, and every punishment.

I used to be imaginative and clever, I used to write stories and sing songs directly from my head. Now I want to be nothing. I strive for dullness, darkness, and the attitude of a brick. I was once used as a model for a woman, but I lost the job by the end of the month because she couldn't get me to do her ridiculous balancing poses. I tried them that night and did them perfectly.

I am definitely not lazy. At first I wanted to be to be the average stubborn Avox, then I decided it would get me no where if this was the life I was supposed to lead until I died. I am loyal and I am a hard worker. My job is my life, and I don't take well to masters who don't push me to do well, because otherwise I feel I'm not working hard enough. I never work hard enough. I have to work and accept my punishment because I am a horrible person - and I deserve it.

I do think too much, still. I wish I always thought that way, because the one moment I didn't think I was burned. I try to make my mind simpler, but it never works, and I just get more and more twisted until I am not sure if even I understand myself. Gears. The human mind is a super computer. Mine keeps crashing.

I was the youngest child of three. My older brother was Finn, and my sister was Meven. We lived in the poorest part of District 10, and my parents often moved us around to get us closer to the home we were helping at, because we didn't have our own farm. For me, as a little girl, my most consistent job was either cleaning the barn or following the woman of the house around.

I was twelve when I became an Avox. It happened about a week before my first Reaping, and it is my greatest regret. Nevvan and I were playing outside, using about a half an hour of free time to spend some time together. We didn't realize that someone was trying to steal a horse, and when we finally got to the stables the horse was gone. Nevvan told me if we were discovered we would never get a good job again, so we went a few houses down to another house with horses and planned to steal one.

We almost got away, but the owner of the horse walked outside as we were leaving the field. Nevvan shouted, and the horse became scared and jerked to the side. It pushed her over and stepped on her a few times before running back to it's stall. She died a day later from her injuries.

The attempt at thievery itself did not get me tot he Capitol, but it did get my five lashes, and my family dropped low in people's opinions. Finn hated me - or at least, I thought. My grief consumed me one night when he was yelling at me about Nevvan, and without a thought I snatched a knife off the counter and sunk it into his stomach. This time, death came faster. And I was taken for murder.

I never let myself be the same, because it reminded me too much of who I used to be. I killed both of my siblings, even if it wasn't directly. As I was passed from owner to owner, I collected more skills and sunk deeper into my feelings. I deserve everything I get, even a master who's sole purpose in life is to vent.