|| the place where I belong || { Axel

kendall
District Mayor

[M:-600]

866 POSTS
last seen Feb 17, 2016 16:40:07 GMT -5

“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel Apr 11, 2013 21:41:19 GMT -5

Post by kendall on Apr 11, 2013 21:41:19 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

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It was just exactly like I knew it was going to turn out. I told myself every day when I woke up, and every time I lay my head down to rest that it wasn't true and that he loved me. It was as though if I told myself it enough times, then it would become real. That's usually how it is? Isn't it? The longer you tell yourself something, the quicker you are to believe it. I actually believed it was working. The one time I let myself believe in something, it just turns its back on me. Just like everyone... well almost everyone. The moment when you realise the person you put so much of yourself into turns their back to your face, its just so heartless. You just feel, well, small.

Maybe I just imagine all of this in my head. I don't even feel like myself anymore. Everything I say doesn't feel like me. Even my music doesn't sound right. It's affecting me. People say I am not acting like the Cade they know. But a bitter thought in my mind tells me that they don't even know me. But how can they know me if I don't even know myself? No matter what I tell myself, these bitter thoughts keep overflowing mind. Kyle just says its 'phase' an I will grow out of it in time. But I don't want this 'phase' to hold me down. Unlike Kyle, I happen to have different problems then he did last year when my brother was my age. His problem was a bad grade on a math test or something petty like that. I was still copping with something that still made me shiver. My father hit me.

I might be over reacting just a little bit. It's just so hard not too. I can never get a positive vibe on anything when I am around him. Nothing seems to please him. My music or even my B grade on a test, which is good for me considering I am not smart, doesn't even coax a simple grin on his ashen face. The thing is, I didn't even do anything wrong. Well, at least I don't thing I did anything wrong. All I did was try to help. Ok, maybe it was a little over board. If I was in someone else's shoes though, the whole thing was a misunderstanding. I wouldn't be surprised if anyone gave the little brats a beat down if they saw their siblings getting mad fun of. They are all I have. No mother, my father doesn't even count since he's never home anyways.

I think I could have handled the situation better though. Even I admit that. It was so irritating, I just couldn't help but snap. It has been happening for awhile now. The bullying and everything. I knew people aren't too kind to Morgan, my younger sister even though she's so sweet and understanding. And Flynn, the youngest out of all of us, he just is used to getting picked on. It's because he was amputated when he was born because he was premature. Mother died, not knowing if he would survive or not. It's really hard with out Mother. I swear the plants in the front porch don't shine as bright as they used too.

Kids just laugh at him during school hours when all the little kids run out door and laugh for break time during the day. I see Flynn from my classroom window always emerge from the shadowy school doors all by himself. He's usually by himself since none of the others want to play with the boy who can't run because he doesn't have a real leg on one leg. I handled his sadness pretty well, just comforting him and taking him to his only true friends house when he's done with his school work. But one day he came home from school, crying down the street until he shut himself in our bedroom and refused to come out. I say right in front of the door for an hour and a half until he opened the door. He told me some older girls were making fun of his leg right in front of him and they didn't stop.

That was an issue for me, of course because the next day, I watched Flynn very carefully and I noticed those brats were Morgan's classmates who thought they were all that because they were richer then me and my friends combined. My anger boiled up inside me as it was about to burst into the air. I kept that anger in until I was walking home from school and saw that Morgan was getting belittled by them as well. That was it. My top blew of and wasn't coming back until I showed these girls who they really were. I marched my sorry bottom over to those girls and have them a piece of my mind. One of the girls, the leader I suppose brought Flynn into this making a nasty comment about his leg and I lifted my hand up swinging it across her face so hard, it stung me too.

And that was it, I smacked that girl square in the face. I knew what I had done. People were staring in awe as all of us just stood there. We said nothing. I didn't even apologise.

Its as though this flashed though my head as though it was a few hours ago. My father came in the door, scowling even more then usual. He used to never do that but after his double jobs, I don't blame him. It's rough supporting four children by yourself. The whole table got quiet when he walked in. No one ran to shower him in hugs and cheerful remarks. Flynn didn't even move a muscle. Everyone somehow heard about me slapping the rich girl already. Word travels fast around here.

Kyle quickly poured everyone some broth and we all ate in silence. I don't recall looking at anyone until my face started to talk about what I did. First it was soft then it grew louder every sentence. I knew I should have sat this one out but I argued about it. I got him so worked up he smacked me across the face so hard my oldest brother was about to scream.

My father never yelled, or even hit me for that matter. This felt so childish, actin this way over what he did but it's been 3 days and its still in the back of my mind, lingering there. People have been through worse and I should be thankful that I don't have a dad that hurts me like that all the time. Ever since then, I haven't spoken to my father. Instead of sitting with the family, he hides away with his food. Morgan says he will cool off soon but I know him better then she thinks. He's like Kyle. Kyle takes a whole to forgive someone, even if it was his fault. Kyle doesn't let go of things very easily. Neither does father. Deep down, I was afraid I would never speak to him. Except, that's such a childish thought.

I find myself walking along the beach quite awhile now. The calm waters and the golden sand made me feel secure inside. My music was the finishing touch but I hadn't touched that guitar since that evening he hit me. It's amazing how one little action just scattered my brains. The sand sank in between my toes as I walked slowly down the more reserved part of the beach. It's been the same view my whole life. Nothing ever really changed. The water was still a brownish blue and the sand still felt grainy when it ran through your fingers. Just the people I spent time with on the beach changed.

I feel like I am looking in all the wrong places for help. Maybe I should start looking in the more unexpected places.

[/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

Last Edit: May 22, 2013 17:45:09 GMT -5 by kendall

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

last seen Jul 4, 2014 7:39:41 GMT -5

Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel Apr 21, 2013 18:21:51 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on Apr 21, 2013 18:21:51 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two?

Time, what a funny thing it is, people tell you that wounds heal with time, and when they do the only a scar remains to remind us of it. People tell us that with time we forget a friend or a face, and then eventually we will even forget most of what happened in our lives. I would never forget though, I could never forget...remembering was what kept me going every day...remembering a face, a voice, or the warmth of someone's body. These were things I held close to my heart, these few scattered memories that I wouldn't let go. The details were vague now, it seemed like so long ago and yet it was only a few months at best. My parents had done as they intended, cut me off from the one person who understood me, the one person who cared about me. It was never about what I wanted with them, it was always about how they could become one of the elite families of District 4.

For days after they had told me I would never be able to see him again I cried. I refused to leave my room, it was my only act of defiance I've ever done, for you see my family hates me. When I defy them I get hit, when I fail them I get hit, when I don't do as they ask...I get hit. It's a vicious cycle one that never ends, every morning I wake up hoping that my fortunes have changed that maybe it was all just a nightmare. It's all the dreams and fantasies of a child though, I can only fool myself for a few minutes leading up to that moment when I look at my reflection and see the bruises. The constant reminders of what has been done and what awaits me, clearly visible for all eyes to see...but I cannot tell them...I lie...I tell them stories about how clumsy I am and how I have fainting spells. It satisfies their curiosity but I know what their thinking it's clearly written across their faces by the way they look at me...I'm a freak.

Time doesn't heal wounds, time doesn't heal anything, all it does is give us a moment to reflect and wallow in our own sorrows. In the silence that surrounds us in that time we are alone we are reminded of what has been done and what will come to pass. This is what happens to me when I think of him I am reminded of what was done and what will come to be. I'm will be married to a man I hardly know soon, someone that will bring my parents closer to their goal of being a strong family. In the process though I will be losing something...no someone...who really holds the keys to my heart, the only person I could ever love. Soon he will be nothing but a fleeting memory in my mind and I may forget about him entirely...time...my greatest enemy...it has taken so much from me...but I don't want it to take him away.

It was for that reason that I found myself on the beaches, wandering alone trying to find my way through the world...find that place where I belong. Perhaps I had been clinging to something, a hope, no matter how small that I may see him here and let him know how much I loved him...before everything changed and we would no longer share our lives. My heart was fragile and broken, torn apart and put back together so many times I couldn't even count. It was for that reason that I think I could no longer really love anyone, it had been put back together so many times that a few pieces were missing now, like someone had left out a part of me when they pieced me back together. Time couldn't mend this wound, infact it was time that was responsible for it, and nothing and no one would ever be able to procure my affections because of it.

For quite some time I simply stared out across the water wondering what my life would be like a week from now. Everything would change after I was married to Ashton, he would be my husband, and I his wife. We would have a family of our own one day and I couldn't help but wonder if my children would have to suffer as I was at this moment, torn between the life I had not asked for and the life I longed to have. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek and I caught it on my finger and looked at it curiously...perhaps...perhaps I hadn't lost...all emotion. Then I let them all free the tears that I had held back for so long, the tears of my broken heart and mind, a manifestation of my utter grief. Oh how I wished that I could feel the warmth of his arms around me one last time before I was taken away, to hold him close to me. I wondered where he was right now...if he missed me as much as I missed him...if he had found...the place where he belonged.

lyrics

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Template courtesy of the amazing Meghan <3

Last Edit: Apr 21, 2013 18:27:31 GMT -5 by Anna Banana

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“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 6, 2013 18:56:43 GMT -5

Post by kendall on May 6, 2013 18:56:43 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

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[*justify]
My feet tread on the cool beaches. I count my paces every time my feet hit the sand. One, two, three, a voice whispered in my head softly. It wasn't my voice though. The voice was soft, but anxious. Every time I counted the more anxious the voice in my head sounded. Four, five, six, Her sweet voice was calling me. It sent shivers down my spine. The voice was so seducing, I was drawn to just the sound. My mind imagined her soft lips forming the numbers, speaking them clearly and firmly. Everything I saw reminded me of someone I couldn't have. I couldn't love. But I still loved her.

The sand caved in when my feet sunk into it. I felt the sand was leading me to a place I knew by heart. A path I had walked many times. But this time, I walked this path alone, not with another. Usually the sand left four foot prints behind, now it only left behind one pair. Mine. I felt as though no one was walking along beside me to support me. I felt, forgotten. Whenever I walked this path before, she was always there. We usually walked in quiet. Just enjoying each others company, which was enough. Sometimes we talked and laughed or had serious discussions. Now when I turned my head I saw the trees not red hair bouncing up and down.

I wish we still could talk. No one understood me like she did. Not even my sister and I shared connections we made with each other. Before I knew it was her, my sister was the only one that understood me. Kyle, he was just the opposite. We saw things do much differently and we quarrelled more then I like. Flynn, he's only 5, I can't really talk to him about things like this. Father doesn't even talk to me anymore. Mother, mother isn't around to listen to me. I sometimes talk to her. Just when I am really desperate for someone to talk to that will not judge me. I know it's childish but I felt like mother would always listen to my stories when she was alive. It was a sort of safety I felt that made me want her every day even more.

My feet took me to the most familiar place I knew. This little spot on the beach I had spent so many days at. Everything we did almost always headed to this spot. When I arrived, my eyes were drawn to the spot where she always stood. And she was standing there. My heart pounded so loud it was embarrassing.

My hands grew sweaty. Her back was turned to me, and I found myself debating weather or not to embrace her or walk the other way to avoid the drama. I knew what would happen to her if she was found with me. She would be beaten. I cringe just thinking about that happening to the girl I care about so much. Just imagining her parents beating her for such a petty thing as seeing me was so horrifying. What would happen to me, I guessed I would jet beat with her. I would always take a beating for her. Maybe they would beat her in front of me. My eyes almost teared up thinking about it. No one deserved parents like that, especially not her.

I knew it was because I wasn't rich. It's always because I wasn't rich. They don't think I am good enough for their daughter when they don't even bother to know her in the first place. I know I have no rights to judge her parents this way but my anger is steaming up inside me. Why are they keeping us apart. We both knew that we were m t to be so why did it take so much convincing to everyone else?

My emotions got to the best of my well being. Instead of turning back, I made my way over to her. I stood next to here, just looking on to the ocean. "I tried to let you go. I honestly did. But I just couldn't do it." Then I turn her way. "I think you can't either, Riley."

Riley Everfield was the only person I belonged with. I had found where I belonged, I just had to fight for it.

[/*justify][/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

last seen Jul 4, 2014 7:39:41 GMT -5

Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 8, 2013 21:26:03 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on May 8, 2013 21:26:03 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two?

It was impossible to tell how long I had been standing here in the very spot that had once been ours, the spot where two lovers would meet for just a brief moment if they could even manage that. Those two lovers were us...me...and Cade. Our beginning was a strange one, we were both raised in the poorer part of District 4, where people did anything to get a spare bit of money to hoard away for food or just their own guilty pleasures. That's where Cade came in, looking for a bit of extra work to help himself and his family, even though I knew he never used any of the money for himself. He was like that, completely selfless and perfect, and naturally after a while I began to develop feelings for the boy I saw so often. At first it was just quick conversations with each other, a few passing words here and there, but it developed into something special, something I loved.

We would meet each other late at night, escaping from our homes just to spend a few fleeting hours with each other. It had been our promise to one another that we would marry each other when we were both ready to take on something like that. Perhaps it had been nothing more than a childish dream, but it had been our dream which made it special. He was the only one I could ever talk to about my life, only he knew what went on within the confines of my own house, how I was beaten...because of him. Oh yes, my parents found out about him and weren't pleased, telling me that I needed to marry someone who would raise our status within the district, never once asking me what I wanted. Our secret meetings became increasingly more dangerous as both our families worked tirelessly to keep us apart. Then finally...they did stop...my parents made sure I would never see him again.

It why I was here now, on this special spot in the sand...our spot...I just wanted to have a part of him with me forever before I was married to a man I could never love. I stared with unseeing eyes out across the wide expanse of the ocean surrounding District 4...most people saw the water as freedom...I saw it as a prison. I was to be kept here, locked away forever in a life I did not want or ask for, so close and yet so far from the one I loved. If and when I saw him again we would be different people, living different lives, and our love would be nothing more then a childish memory. When I closed my eyes I could almost hear his voice, see his hand reaching forward to hold mine in that special way that only he could. It all seemed so real to me...and when I heard his voice again...I broke down and dared to look to that spot he would normally stand beside me.

I almost couldn't believe what I saw, infact I dared not believe what I was seeing, this had to be a hallucination brought on by my sadness. Tentatively I reached my hand out to brush my fingers against the top of his hand, and when they didn't pass through him as part of me wished they had. I couldn't bear to see him right now, but I also couldn't stand to be away from him. I slowly turned my body and walked into him, wrapping my arms around that strong, muscular frame that I had come to know so well. I couldn't bring myself to cry anymore, I wouldn't let him see me cry like that, all I could do was bury my face into his chest and hold onto him in the hopes that I'd never have to let go. "Cade, is it you, is it really you, I-I-I was hoping I would be able to see you again...before everything changed. Cade I don't want to leave you, I'm going to be forced into a marriage I don't want to be part of...I only love you though."

Of course the more I spoke the more I felt myself losing control of my emotions, and along with that came the tears. If this was a dream I never wanted to wake up, and I never wanted Cade to let me go, I just wanted everything to stay exactly as it was in this moment. As long as I had my arms wrapped around Cade I felt safe, like nothing else in the world even mattered, that the only people in District 4 were the two of us right now. I looked up into his face, the tears still streaking down my face as I spoke to him in a voice barely above a whisper. "Cade...don't leave me here tonight...I don't care what happens to me...can't we just run away from it all...just the two of us. I-I-I don't want to marry the boy my parents picked out...I want to marry you."

lyrics

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Templare courtesy of the amazing Meghan <3

Last Edit: May 8, 2013 21:28:38 GMT -5 by Anna Banana

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“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 10, 2013 20:43:11 GMT -5

Post by kendall on May 10, 2013 20:43:11 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

[/b][/font]

I have no one to talk to any more. Everything I feel, I think, isn't being shared with the world like it used to. Ever since Riley told me we weren't supposed to see each other again, nothing has been the same. I don't talk to anyone about how I feel, I just listen to them talk instead. I suppose I really want them to come and ask me how I feel. Just once, I want them to care about me. But I am the listener, not the talker.

Music is my escape from everything All the hardships in life. its the way I express how I feel. When I pick up my guitar, I feel the world just stops and listens to me. All I eyes on me. I know I can just express who I am through the soft notes of my string. Not anymore. My music hasn't even been the same since I haven't seen Riley. Now, when I pick up the guitar, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't make me want to sing my feelings away it just makes me want to curl up and hide inside. Riley was the only one that truly understood me. Not just my music. I used to think that that was the only thing that got me. But my music is just me. Not someone else who truly care.

My feelings are boiling up inside me. Just like a kettle and boiling water. All my thoughts and emotions are shut up inside me and at one moment they will all just spill out and bubble over. I can only go so long before I have to let all y feelings out. My patience is running low. I don't want to play music, all I want is Riley. In the back if my mind though, I know I couldn't truly have her. I was just going to be on the outside for now. Stay low and act like I didn't love her anymore, with wasn't the case. But in order to keep our love alive, to keep each other alive, it seemed like the best option. The only reason is because we both are running out of ideas like I run out of food to feed my growing baby brother.

Just seeing her could get her best and it would because of me. I can't live with that. But I can't live without seeing her either. Her family looks down on me like I shouldn't even walk the same ground as them. They let me know it too. I personally they don't know how to raise a child, but how would I know? I don't have one. But her mother aggregates me the most. I watch, just observing her quietly. Riley's mother makes her wear so much makeup to get noticed but she is too beautiful without makeup to go unnoticed. Riley has an angel face that shouldn't be covered up by cosmetics. I was warned by her father that if I get caught with his daughter he would make sure I would get whipped publicly, in front of Riley herself. Just any other way to show me that they were all above me. Because to everyone else besides Riley, I was below dirt. Of course, Riley doesn't know about that last part because it would break her heart. And I have already caused some of the damage.

I felt her soft, delicate fingers touch my hand for reassurance. I smile softly in a way of encouragement as if to say, 'Here I am. You don't have to worry anymore...' But just being in this exact stop was just saying that without words. I feel her eat wrap around my body. Resting my chin on her shoulder, I stroke her hair as she shakes softly, crying. "Shhh." I coo softly in her ear. "We are here together. We are together..." I saw softly, but her tears still roll down her rosy cheeks onto my shirt.

Riley began to break down every moment. She clung to my shirt, digging her nose into my chest. When I buried my face into her neck, I felt safe and secure like nothing was going to hurt us. I still brushed her hair with my fingers until she gained control of herself to speak once more.

My eyes tear up as she speaks to me about how she wants me. How she wants to spend her life with me. And I damn everyone who doesn't agree with her that we should. "I know you don't care what happens to you, but I do. You are so important to me seeing you get hurt jus hurts me too." I sigh. "I want to run away with you and marry you, but I can't risk getting you hurt and regretting it my whole life." My body was almost shaking right now. My lips were trembling but my words came out strong.

"No matter our struggles, no matter the depth of our pain, always remember three things..." I tilt her chin up so I can look into her soft eyes. "I love you. And that's what is going to keep us together." Everything I say is coming from my heart. My poetic way of speaking sometimes just clicked in, especially when I feel emotional. Every single word I said was true. No matter what we go through togethers out love was strong enough to look past the bad and find away.

There was only one problem to our whole plan. She was getting married. That boy was my least favourite person right now. He doesn't know her. He doesn't love her the way I do. She doesn't love him the way she loves me. Everything I want, someone just walks up to me and grabs right out of my hands. I usually just accepted it. This time was going to be different. This time I wasn't going down without a fight.

[/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

last seen Jul 4, 2014 7:39:41 GMT -5

Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 12, 2013 19:48:57 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on May 12, 2013 19:48:57 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two

I know I shouldn't be here with him, I know it's a mistake to stay here with him, but I can't help it, when I'm not with Cade I feel like my heart is being torn in two. That's the whole reason behind why I was here at this spot on the beach, because I felt as long as I stood here he would be here with me. Of course it had only been in the theoretical sense that I had believed that, it was almost to much for me to deal with having him here before me, in the flesh. What had started out as a dream, nothing more then a whim, was a reality right now, he was here before me, and I was in his arms. The moment my arms wrapped around him I felt whole again, like a part of me had been missing for the duration of time that he wasn't there with me. Now that he was here...I didn't want to let him go...I didn't want him to leave me...I wanted to be with him forever.

But both he and I knew that it wasn't an option for us, as long as we were together there would be people working to keep us apart. I had nothing to offer him either, I loved him enough to know that I couldn't offer him anything of value, and he deserved so much more then me. Standing here in his arms though, I felt safer then I had in all the time we had been separated. All those nightmares that would haunt me, from the moment I rested my head on my pillow, about losing Cade or him hating me and rejecting me, it all melted away now that I was in his arms. My hand resting on his chest, rising and falling with each breath he took; the beating of his heart soothing my own rapidly fluttering one. Everything about him made me see the world in a different light, like I could see things with better clarity as long as he was nearby. It had always been like that for us, since the first day we had met, and I firmly believed that it was something about him that would withstand the test of time.

Sadly though that part of our lives was nothing more than a mere shadow of what it once was. In just a few short days I would meet the man that would become my husband, the man that would improve my parent's station in life. It was never about me with them, my happiness was of little consequence to them, just so long as they got what they wanted or improved their status among the people of Dsitrict 4. That's why Cade and I couldn't get married, it's why I was being forced to marry someone I could never love, it was why...it was why my heart was broken and incapable of feeling. Or at least it had been before I had seen Cade and he held me in his arms, all the work I had put into keeping myself from feeling the hurt and pain...it was all wasted now. You're damned for trying and you're damned if you're don't, I thought that I would feel better if I forgot about him, but I felt like my world was ending because of it. Now being here with him hurt me because I knew that soon we would have to be separated from each other again.

To add to the pain I was feeling he told me the words that I loved and hated to hear him say...he loved me. I wanted to tear myself away from him when he said it, causing me so much pain and yet making me feel like the most important person in the world. All I could do was look into his face, that face that I had looked into so many times and had memorized to the point that I could picture it perfectly in my mind. Lifting one of my hands to his face I traced my fingers over his lips before I leaned into him and gently pressed my lips into his. The kiss was fleeting but I hoped it conveyed all the words I couldn't bring myself to say outloud to him, the words I was afraid to hear myself say. When I lost him I knew that I would lose a part of myself, and no amount of time would ever be able to wipe away the memories we had together. Love was a painful and deadly weapon, without it you wished you had it, but when you had it you couldn't bear to be without the object of your affections and it hurt when you weren't together.

That's exactly how I felt with Cade, I wanted him to leave me alone, but as soon as I wasn't with him I felt like my life would come unraveled. My only recourse when this happened was to cry, cry and bury my head once more into his shoulder and let him hold me close. Damned if you do and damned if you don't, and I couldn't decide what to do because my heart always got in the way. After what felt like an eternity I lifted my now tear stained face up to his and kissed him again.I broke away from the kiss but kept my lips so close to his as I whispered to him, trying to get him to listen to me. "Cade, I love you more than I ever believed I could love. Infact simply saying that I love you doesn't even seem to do justice to just how much you mean to me. I doubt there is any word to describe what you mean to me and how much I want to be with you. It doesn't matter though...just so long as you are with me."

lyrics

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“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 13, 2013 17:56:45 GMT -5

Post by kendall on May 13, 2013 17:56:45 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

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The water rippled every time the light breeze blew across it. The endless vast sea was just so haunting but so welcoming as well. If you looked out to the water, nothing was in your way to the freedom. The only problem was, you didn't know how to get there or how it was going to be on the other side. It looked so easy but there were hidden hardships that hit you in the face at the worst time ever. I feel like that explains Riley and I's situation. At first, out relationship was smooth sailing as though nothing could get in the way of our love. I took that for granted. Now the 'hidden' hardship came and blew up in our faces and we aren't sure how to overcome it and keep sailing to freedom to love each other. I knew somehow we would work through it but I was afraid of something. I was afraid we would give up and just wish we could be together instead of actually trying to make it reality.

People didn't think Riley and I were a good match or however people saw that. I think that's a loud of bull crap. It doesn't matter that they think it just matters if we think we are right for each other. I tell her all the time all that matters for us is what we think not anyone's. But of course, other people's feelings get in the way and stop us from being together. Even though Riley and I know we are made for each other, we are probably the last two people you would think would be together. I am the tan beach boy that loves to play music. People always tell me to go the other way and go get a beach girl or someone like that that would 'compliment' me more. But I tell them Riley's beautiful pale skin and fiery red hair is a perfect match for me. I have tried the beach girl and it didn't work out so I think people should be happy for us. But the world isn't a perfect place.

The day I was told I could never see Riley again was probably the worst time for my family as well. That was a night that I cried myself to sleep. My sister always tells me it takes a lot me to cry. When I came home, I didn't even want to listen anymore. My brother was never in love she he doesn't understand how it is. Morgan just tells me that he only says the things he says because he doesn't think before her talks when he gets angry. My sister is way to understanding and is just trying to calm everyone down. I was screaming at my brother that night telling him that he was incapable of loving someone so that's why he doesn't know what I am talking about. Morgan just stayed quiet after that and ran off to hide my brother. Riley was the reason my family is such a mess right now but she was also the reason I wasn't crashing so hard because of her too.

"We could run away, Riley." I say, looking out onto the water then look back into her sparkling eyes and wipe her tear. "Me and you could start a family and wouldn't have to worry about anything." What a childish thing to say. No matter what we do, we will way worry but it doesn't matter. When I am with Riley I speak the truth to her and don't hide anything. Love does make you do and say crazy, stupid things. "Riley. I thought I could leave you like you asked but I found myself just longing to see you. I can't forget you and just shut you out like that." I tilt my head and press my warm lips agains her soft ones, savouring the feeling of kissing her so I never take it for granted again.

[/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

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Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 19, 2013 20:46:50 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on May 19, 2013 20:46:50 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two

He always knew the unspoken words that were etched into my heart, the words I longed to say, but wasn't strong enough to being myself to utter out loud. He wanted to run away with me, just the two of us together, and I wanted nothing more then to run away with him...but I couldn't. He knew as well as I did that we had no where to run, at least not within the boundries of the district. Running away wasn't a possibility, the risks of being caught, the punishments, chances were we'd never see each other again were we caught. It seemed that for us there was no happy ending, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Why was it so hard to find true happiness in this life, why was it that when other people lived unhappy lives they sought to make others unhappy with them? What was wrong with letting each person find or destroy their own happiness without interference.

When his lips pressed gently into mine I felt the whole world melt away around me, it was just us. This was all an illusion though, it could never be just us, no matter how hard I wanted to believe it was just us I knew better then to let that dream continue. Carefully I pulled away from the kiss and looked up into his face, caressing it with one of my hands. My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke to him, trying to get him to understand that there was no way for us to be together. "Cade, you know why we can't do that, you know why we can't be together. If we were ever caught running away we would never be able to see each other again, we could be tortured or even killed. I couldn't live with never seeing you again...at least like this we...we can still see each other." It pained me to say it to him, it felt like I was telling him that I didn't want him anymore.

In truth I wanted him now more than ever, I felt like if I left him now my life would crumble to pieces. That was what needed to change though, WE couldn't be a couple, we couldn't keep doing this to each other. There was an old saying that I think could apply to us, "If you love something, set it free". That's exactly what we needed to do, we needed to set each other free...and not look back. Speaking for myself I knew that if I looked back then I would end up running back into his arms, and once more I'd have to pry myself away from him, which would only break me down even further. How many times could we do this before we both found out that we were just hurting ourselves. Eventually we would get to the point where we may actually attempt to run away with each other, and that was something I didn't want to be part of.

"Cade, we can't keep doing this to each other...we can't be together...my parents have forbidden it...and everyone who knows us believes we can't be together. I love you so much, and I know that we could be together...and it's for that reason that we need to stay away from each other. This moment...it's to precious to me...and it will stay with me forever...but...we can't see each other again when we part ways tonight." I could feel the tears coming again, tears of pain and longing mixed into one emotional moment. I could barely stand to look up at Cade's face fearing what he would say, and what his reaction would be to everything that I had told him. Part of me wanted to have him ask me to say with him, but another part hoped he would let me go and make this less painful for me.

lyrics

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“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 21, 2013 20:55:36 GMT -5

Post by kendall on May 21, 2013 20:55:36 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

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When his lips pressed gently into mine I felt the whole world melt away around me, it was just us. This was all an illusion though, it could never be just us, no matter how hard I wanted to believe it was just us I knew better then to let that dream continue. Carefully I pulled away from the kiss and looked up into his face, caressing it with one of my hands. My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke to him, trying to get him to understand that there was no way for us to be together. "Cade, you know why we can't do that, you know why we can't be together. If we were ever caught running away we would never be able to see each other again, we could be tortured or even killed. I couldn't live with never seeing you again...at least like this we...we can still see each other." It pained me to say it to him, it felt like I was telling him that I didn't want him anymore.

Her soft lips lingered on mine for only a moment before she took them away from me. I looked into her soft eyes and I understood before she even spoke. She was scared. Not of me, of what could happen because of me. Because of us. Everyone seemed to be pulling away from me instead of coming towards me. My life was going golden until it came to a halt. I always knew Riley would be the end of me, but I was a fool to not pull myself away sooner. Instead I got attached. People walk away all the time, but everyone is walking away at the worst time possible. At least I have Riley. And even she is trying to pull away. The only thing that is keeping her at my side is what could be of us. Her hand touched my face. My hand lightly grasped hers on my face as she spoke in a soft, angel like. "I know all th possibilities. But Riley. I am don't letting people walk away from me. So many people I love have walked away and I did nothing but watch them leave. " My face grew red at all my frustration. "And damn it , Riley. I am not about to let you walk away from me. Not without a fight."

I paused after she spoke to me. Just listening to her speak. Every word that leaves her mouth over flows my mind as I pick it apart. She was afraid for me. All she wanted to do was keep me safe. And Riley was willing to put her happiness aside and think about what would happen to me. This red haired girl was the only person that has ever put my needs in front of hers. And I am the only person that has put her needs in front of theirs in her life. But we needed to take risked. I have lived my life, hidden from everyone because of fear. I am afraid of what might happen if I did this or anything like that. But I was 17 now. I needed to stop worrying about what might happen and focus on the now. What's good for us, now. What we want, now. And what we want now more then anything is to be together. And that's what I am planning in accomplishing.

"Riley, you are sounding like them." I grab her hands tightly to make sure she is listening to me when I speak, even though I know she is. Riley is the only one that listens to me anymore. "That we can't be together. Don't let them tell us what we can and can't do." I sigh, letting go of her hands and ruffled my mop of brown hair. "I would do anything for us to be together." My throat started to choke but I tried to push it down. I couldn't cry. I have to be strong for Riley. I had to be strong. The thought of loosing her to someone else just was too much to bare. We could be happy together if people would just let us. Why did people matter anyways?

My eyes felt teary an I sniffed to hold them back. "I sound like a fool but I can't loose you." I say choking on my tears. "Not ever. You are all I have." Just thinking about it was too much. I tried my hardest to hold back my tears. Everyone was leaving me alone by myself. Riley wasn't going to. I just wouldn't let it be that way.

[/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

last seen Jul 4, 2014 7:39:41 GMT -5

Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 23, 2013 20:07:13 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on May 23, 2013 20:07:13 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two

He knew just where to hit me to deal the most damage to my heart, he knew how to make me crumble into his arms and want to stay with him. Comparing me to all the people that worked so hard to keep us apart, it broke my already fragile heart. To make it even worse I knew that I was being like them...I was trying to keep us apart...I was no better then them. Was my reasoning any better than theirs though, was I being selfish like they were? I know I wanted to be with him, I know that he was my life and the only thing that made me feel whole...but I was doing it for him...wasn't I? I didn't even know anymore, the easy answer seemed to be to run away from everything, but the right answer, the harder answer...was to stay with Cade. Why is it that all the choices that meant the most to us were never easy, there was always pain involved?

I couldn't sound like them, I couldn't think like them, I had to cling to the hope that we really could be together. "Cade, I do want to be with you...I love you more than anything in the world...you're the only person who makes me feel loved. Cade...we can run away...just for a few days...my family won't miss me...we can have a glimpse of what we could have been. At least it would be better than nothing right...we'd be together...just the two of us, even if it is only for a small amount of time." I smiled up at him and stood up to press my lips into his again, I wanted him to know that I wanted to be with him, that if only for a few days we could have the life that we always wanted. The life that we had dreamed about together, the life that we had talked about together, about having a family and being with each other forever.

"I know that it's not what you want from me Cade, and I know that in my heart it isn't what I want either...just...trust me okay. I...I want to do this with you, just be with you...spend what time of freedom I have left with you." It was true, it was all true, I wanted to spend what time I had left with all of my freedom intact with Cade. If I'm being honest with myself and Cade it was everything that I wanted, to just be with him, to be with the one I love. I turned away from him and took hold of his hand and looked out across the ocean wondering where we could possibly hide from the people who were trying to tear us apart. Did it matter where we went though, just so long as we were together, wasn't that all that mattered? As long as we were happy together nothing else should matter...for once I was going to be selfish and do something just for me.

For several minutes I just stared out at the water listening to the gentle slap of the waves against the rocky shoreline. The gentle sounds were enough to calm my rapidly beating heart and give me enough time to start thinking rationally. Or at least as rational as you could be when you were planning on running away with someone for a few days...and on top of that a boy. "Cade, we can run away right now, before anyone would even know about it, and for a few days it would just be us. I want to do it, I want to run away with you, I want to see what it would have been like if we'd had the life we wanted." I turned back to him and smiled, the first genuine smile that I had given anyone in a long time. It was a smile full of love and compassion for the only person in my life that ever made me happy, that only had my happiness in mind whenever he did anything.

I did want to run away with him, I really did, and even if it could only be for a few days I would make sure that those few days would be the most treasured days of my life. Who knows, maybe I would get a spine and finally tell people what I wanted to do instead of constantly bowing before the demands and needs of others. Maybe after all this was over I would tell Cade that I wanted to run away with him forever, that we would permanently be together like we had dreamed.

lyrics

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Last Edit: May 23, 2013 20:10:51 GMT -5 by Anna Banana

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“I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it”

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 25, 2013 12:02:23 GMT -5

Post by kendall on May 25, 2013 12:02:23 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/CadeBackground_zpscb1f2487.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

[ C A D E B L O O M ]

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What if we did run away, just her and me living together in this crazy world? We would have what we have always wanted. All we have ever wanted was to be together. Together and no one would have to tell us that it isn’t meant to be, or whatever they say now a days. We were 16 and 17 years old and I don’t think we need people telling us what we can and can not do anymore. Running away felt like the only way we could escape all the negativity. My family would worry where I have gone but I don’t care. Well, I do care because I am Flynn’s only friend in his little 5 year old world but other then that, the rest of my family is mad at me and would like me to be gone. Or that’s what I think anyways. Riley’s parents would be furious at her, like that wasn’t new or anything. But I was going to be selfish for once. I was going to do something that made me happy.

When I told her she was being like everyone else, her face turned blank. I knew that had gotten to her, what I said. We promised each other we would never do that to each other. Give up on us. I wasn’t going to give up and I had expressed it to her and it finally sunk into her. I wasn’t leaving. I don’t care if I get whipped or burned or shunned by any person. This time was different. I wanted it to be different. I wanted to be strong for myself this time.

I hear her soft voice tell me that she loved me and I felt like everything I have ever done was finally paying off. Finally someone I loved truly loved me back. I gave out so much love to everyone and Riley was the one that took it and gave me more back. She wanted us to be together, and I knew it. She just had to take a leap of faith and forget everything behind her. She was scared and so was I but we gave each other enough strength to do crazy things. Still be together. I hesitated for a moment after she spoke to find words to say. But I didn’t have time because she kissed me after. Riley had kissed me so many times, but even now my heart still beats as fast as it did when we first kissed. I actually have come to believe its beating so fast it’s going to stop beating soon. “Even if it’s only a few days…” I whisper to myself before I look up from my feet. “It worth more then a thousand days having to watch you are unhappy with someone else.

I have finally admitted to myself, her husband bothered me. Just thinking about someone else kissing her instead of me made me so jealous inside. It wasn’t even the healthy time of jealousy that hit some people that made then want to work harder for something. It was the type of jealousy that you never want to experience. All you do all day is think about why that person doesn’t deserve what they have and why you do. It’s all I think about. Why is he rich and I am not? How does that make him a better person for Riley to be with? How come he can kiss her, or even talk to her and I can’t even look at her without being confronted by people. And the worst part was that had no say in the matter. And for awhile I thought she liked him until she came up to me one day and cried. It’s not fair. She shouldn’t cry, ever. Riley was too beautiful to cry. But after all that anger I had I blocked my jealously out because I knew I had something that Ashton didn’t, her love. And that was what was most important.

I smile when she speaks about having the life we have always wanted with each other. “I want to.” I was so in love with this quiet, redheaded girl that I blocked out all the things that would go wrong with what we are about to do. You know that saying, “Love makes you blind.”? That was exactly what was happening to me. Love was blinding.

[/blockquote][/size]

let the rain
wash away all
the pain of yesterday
back where I belong
I never felt so strong
tell the world that
I'm coming home
[/color][/right][/size][/b]
[/blockquote][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

"heaven is a place on earth with you"

Anna Banana
Capitol Resident

[M:-4150]

1,208 POSTS

last seen Jul 4, 2014 7:39:41 GMT -5

Making things happen one day at a time

|| the place where I belong || { Axel May 29, 2013 22:59:43 GMT -5

Post by Anna Banana on May 29, 2013 22:59:43 GMT -5

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;]

Riley Everfield
What do you do when your heart is split in two

In my entire short life I have never done anything selfish, for me it's always been about what I could do for others, not what they could do for me. Now though...I wanted to do something just for me. I was young, only sixteen years old, I wanted to love truly and without regret, I wanted to give Cade what he wanted becuase it was also what I wanted. He knew exactly what he needed to say, he always knew, the words that could break down my heart so easily. How was it that he could so easily see through me, how was it that he could give me everything I'd ever wanted? It was time that we both did something just for us, our love for each other was stronger than anything or anyone, and we deserved to love and be loved. Just this once, it would be for us, and even if it was a few days...they would be the best few days of our lives.

I stared out across the ocean, for once my dreams having nothing to do with the abuse that I've had to suffer through, this time they were of what is and what could be. The life that Cade and I had talked about together for so long, the life that neither of us had the courage to make an attempt at having. We could do it though, he knew what I wanted, he knew that I wanted him, and we were both going to make the sacrifice and run away with each other. I had no friends who could miss me or mourn my disappearance, and my family wouldn't be to angry to know that I was gone. My parents had never loved me like normal parents did, they had always abused me and treated me poorly. At one point they may have loved me...but I was a failure...who could love a failure, a child who could offer their parents nothing.

"Cade, it's always been you, I could never love anyone else like I love you. We've been friends for so long, we were...you were always there for me when I needed you, providing comfort and care. Whenever I would run away from my home after my parents beat me you were always there for me. I would run into your arms and you would hold me until I stopped crying...and you would kiss my forehead...until I let you kiss me for real. We grew closer and closer...we became more then just friends...at first I was indenial though worried that anything more would hurt our friendship. It wasn't true though, our friendship flourished and became more than that...because I loved you and you loved me. We used to talk about how we would always be together, but as things went on people tried to keep us apart...now though...now we can do everything we used to talk about."

I reached down to hold his hand as I finished talking, and gave it a loving squeeze. He was everything I had ever wanted, he showed me that not everyone is full of hate or disgust. The world isn't all terrible, in amongst all the hate, pain, and suffering are those people who love and care about others. I had found that person that gave me all of that, I had found Cade. I glanced up at his strong, perfect face, a face that never failed to smile at me when I needed it. He was always there for me when I needed him, and it was time that I was there for him, to give him the love that he deserved. I can give him what he wanted, I can give him what I want...we can be a family...we can love eachother like we've always wanted. "I love you Cade...I'm ready...I'm ready to run away with you...right now...just the two of us...some place where we won't be found."

lyrics

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Credit for the table goes to the amazing Meghan <3

Start Reply for Kate
Metisi Temoris Allade Bio
12yr old Birch twin with Meghan bio
Finish bio for PK "Bulletproof plot"
Bio for Tom's plot
Django Bio
Bastilla Shan Bio
Ivashkov bio