''Count to 10,, (Gav)

I don’t know how long have been sitting here, lost in my mind, lost in my memories of him. But I know that it has been long enough. A smile is still painted across my lips when I pull myself out of my thoughts, resurfacing in the presence. As soon as I release myself from my mind, I feel a longing in the back of my mind, trying to pull me back in. I almost fall for it, but at the last moments, I pull myself away from the nagging feeling. I open my eyes, it is still dark, the sky still painted with small spots of lights that seem to twinkle on and off at irregular intervals.

Dragging my eyes away from the mysterious night sky, I stare at my hands, tracing, with my eyes, the small creases in each of my fingers. My eyes travel over the palm of my hand, creases lead from one side of my palm to the others, with my pinkie I follow each line, memorising the feel o the creases between my fingers. I am not sure why I do this, all I know is that it distracts me, that I takes my mind away from the past. After observing my hand, my eyes travel up my arms, they are thin, but not twig like. My eyes stop when they get to my elbows, and I close my eyes.

A movement to my right catches my eye. It is only a small movement, maybe I had imagined it… maybe. I turn my head until my eyes catch the cause of the movement, a boy. He looks about my age, give or take a year, his hair is blonde and falls to cover his eyes, Just like his used to… I feel my breath catch. Calm down, calm down. Slowly I release a long breath. After making another quick glance I realise that all that this boy and him had in common. This time when I urn to look at him, my eyes meet his. They lock.

“erm… Hi.” My voice comes out in almost a whisper and I’m sure that the boy must not have heard me. “Ah, hi.” I say louder my voice echoing gentle off the walls that surround us. “Umm, I- what-… ah,” I stutter not sure what to say. What was I going to say? I had never seen this boy before in my life, but I couldn’t just walk away, that would be… rude. And out of everything I am and am not, I was definitely not rude.

“Um, nice night, huh?” I finally say. I scold myself silently. Nice night? Nice night? Is that all I could come up with me? I know I must be blushing, so I turn away, trying to hide my face.

I don’t know what else to say, so instead of looking at the boy, I stare at my hands again, and just like before, I count the creases in my fingers, I trace the lines on my palms. I wait for the boy to breath a word.

Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

A heavy awkward silence filled the air as I waited for the boy to reply. For the whole time I stared at my hands, slowly counting to three, one, two three, waiting for the boys answer. The silence seemed to last for hours, and after a while I had actually thought that the boy had left. Hesitantly I shifted so I could look at the last place I saw the boy, I glanced at the spot, only to realise that the boy had moved closer to me. From this distance I was able to see him better. My eyes travelled over the boy’s face again, but this time when I meet the boys eyes I froze. His eyes are brown, a soft gentle brown, like the colours of leaves at the beginning of autumn, despite myself I almost smile, his eyes were beautiful, and with some effort I turned my gaze from his.

My eyes travelled down his body, he had a small frame, but he wasn’t lanky, more athletic. After a moment I realise that I was still staring at him, hastily I looked away, my checks turning a rosy pink. Again I turned my eyes back to my hands, which I were ringing nervously around each other.

"Yeah, I guess it's an alright night, though you can't see much through the darkness. I guess you could say it's a nice night." His voice is deep, and after a moment’s pause I turn my gaze to look at him again. I just stared, not sure how to keep the conversation going. Lost for words, I nearly laugh, just like my mother. I close my eyes, letting my mother’s face slip into my thoughts. But it wasn’t her face anymore, she had no eyes, and her mouth it was just a blur, that is when I realised that I was losing her, but not for the first time, but for the second. It scared me that I couldn’t remember simple details, like the colour of her eyes, I couldn’t remember if she smile with teeth or not… I searched my mind frantically hoping, praying, that if I fished around long enough through my mind, that I would miraculously remember.

But I didn’t.

"… um. Crying. Is everything alright? If I may ask that is" The sound of the boys voice brought me back to the presence. Crying? He had heard me crying. automatically my hand moves to my face, gentle my fingers touched the skin under my eyes. My skin was dry.

“Crying…?” Ahhh. The memory of tears falling down my checks come flying back hurtling into my mind. I had been crying over him. At the thought of him, new tears threatened to fall, but I held them back. I didn’t want to cry, not now, and not in front of this boy. I didn’t know who he was, and by crying and appearing weak… that might not be such a crash hot idea. “Ahhh, the crying… It was nothing… I was just… yeah…” I stumble absently over words, trying to think of an excuse. “Um, I’m okay, thanks for asking.” I finally say, bringing my eyes to meet his. I smile hesitantly, then look away.

I had never been good with conversation, and today, today was no different. After another few moments of heavy silence I pull myself to my feet. My legs feel weak but I manage to stay up right. I turn to face the boy once again. “What are you doing out at this time of the night?” I ask. I don’t mean to be nosy, or rude… I was just curious.