Long after you're gone (Dreams)

The reaping had scared me to death, more than any of my phobias. I feel relieved that I wasn't going to be sent to my death, all of the stress lifted off of my shoulders. But I feel jealous for the girl who carries the burden now. She'll have the privilege of leaving this horrid world. I've tried several times to do it. But after my first few attempts, they became weary about what they out in my hands and made sure I had full meals. Wouldn't want to lose me. But the more I bear the pain, the more it hurts. I would give anything to join my sister. Anything. But anything still isn't enough.

I wish I was still a child. Everything would be so simple, there wouldn't be anything to regret. I wish I hadn't grown up to the girl I am. I wish I could be anyone other than this scarred soul. I wish I could be oblivious to everything. To pain. To a broken heart. To death. I wish I had never grown close t anyone, just to watch them be lost. For me. My chest feels like it will implode if I don't get out of this hospital. I rush out before anyone can stop me, tasting the fresh air on my tongue. Or, as fresh as it gets in District Six, that is. I feel my head start to clear of everything that can be washed away. But I still have the fear and hurt branded in the depths, every once and while coming up to remind me how worthless my life is. Everything I want is gone. I have absolutely nothing to lose. The feeling of being pointless is excruciating. But who ever did care about Evangeline. The only person I can think of is Skye. But the thought of her just makes me want to cry. Oh please, make it all stop.

I walked slowly down the pavement, moving with tiny, rigid footsteps. The sun was fighting to keep us warm, but I feel as the temperatures of autumn starting to invade. A cool breeze ruffles my hair and causes goosebumps to sprout from my skin. Small clouds dot the brilliant blue sky, blemishing it's beauty. I wrap my jacket around me tighter. It was thin and practically useless, much too big and torn. But I where it still because it seems to care more about me than any other human being. The sleeves extend past my fingers and falling at about my knees. But it will have to do. I shuffle along aimlessly. I didn't know where exactly my destination was located. But I had that nagging feeling of needing to be somewhere.

I see a boy out of the corner of my eye. We were heading in perpendicular directions. I slow my pace, pretending not to notice. I don't want to collide with him. It would be awkward and would almost guarantees an exchange of words, even if it were only a short one. But right now, I'm not exactly in the mood for talking. But when am I ever? I start to think about things that no fourteen year old girl should ever think or experience in her life. I barely brush past the boy. But it pulls me back to the surface. I want to keep walking. But his voice stops me.

"Hey, my name is Carther. What's yours?" That was subtle. And shocking.

Excuse me? Did you actually just talk to me? No one task to me. Ever. The talk about me, thought. I always hear them when the whisper.

"Is that that Roe girl you were talking about?", "Her story is so tragic!", "I would never want to be her." Word spreads around here like a wildfire. I am labeled as an outcast and most people know. It just doesn't make sense that he'd ever speak to me. I almost forgot he was there. Moments pass before my dry mouth opens and forms the words.

"I'm..." I start quietly, pausing as if to think of my name. I try to make my voice louder, but to no avail. I don't dare look up just in case he's smart enough to detect pain in one's eyes. "I'm Evangeline." I reply just above a whisper, studying my feet.