for the {b e t t e r} >> jack, mellor

The house doesn’t look very much different from whenever I left. The roof may be sagging a bit more, or maybe it’s just me trying to rationalize some difference in my two trips here. I hear Colton emit a quiet whimper so I turn to him, ruffling his hair and offering him a reassuring smile. It’s going to be okay, these people are friends. He looks back up at me with those big brown eyes of his, seeming to have settled down just a bit.

I hear someone yell behind the door but it’s too muffled for me to tell what it was or who said it. A few more quiet minutes pass before the door opens to reveal the kind face of Mrs. Lexington. A sense of relief washes over me when I realize that Colton and I are safe for now, able to rest peacefully under an actual roof. Hell, this’ll be the first time Colton ever sleeps on any form of cushion. He ducks behind me at the sight of her, obviously frightened by the new person, but as she ushers us in I coax the little guy out of his fear, holding tightly onto his hand as he shuffles in behind me.

I offer the woman a broad and thankful smile, nodding in response to her question. We’ve been alright for the most part – aside from a few mishaps, of course. Other than that, however, it’s been a grand time. When she questions Colton’s identity I gesture in his direction with my little ratty hook and then tap my chest, trying to tell her that he’s mine. My own flesh and blood. Colton starts to come out of his shell just a bit more, stepping out from behind me and looking curiously up at Mrs. Lexington. It relieves me that he’s intensely curious about things because that doesn’t force me to wordlessly try to bring him out of his shell each and every time we come across someone or something new. Whenever he was ready I’d let him explore the house, given that Mrs. Lexington didn’t mind, of course.



((ahck sorry it's short, I cranked it out before I had to run for class D: ))

Graphic credit to Mylee <3

Seeing the smile on Mrs. Lexington’s face just makes me ecstatic. I knew I’d be happy to show the Lexington family that I had succeeded in my mission to find him but I didn’t imagine I’d be damn near euphoric. (Yes, yes, he’s mine, I’ve found him! After all this time!) My own grin broadens and I look down to Colton as she kneels down to his level, reaching out to tap his hand and ask him his name. It’s the one word he knows aside from “puppy” so he very quietly murmurs ”Colton.” A little smile comes to his face once he realizes that the attention has been drawn to him and already I’m getting the hope that he’ll be just fine to let go of my hand and explore soon. I lead him inside and already I see that his curiosity begins to take hold of him. He gives a small glance up at me and I nod; he lets go of my hand and begins to waddle around, peeking around and investigating his new surroundings.

Mrs. Lexington tells me that Jack had been detained and my smile falls flat. Why? Suddenly I become terrified – what if he was caught because of me? I can feel the color draining from my face but Jack’s excited voice cuts my worry short.

”Dev! You found your son!”

My attention quickly turns and I see Jack lying on a bed with his leg propped up. The smile returns to my face once more and I enter the room he’s in, about to go in for a hug when I see what’s really going on with that leg of his. It’s wrapped up and I’m pretty certain that someone did quite a bit of damage to it (or he was interrogated; I’ve seen what happens to those who get the misfortune of enduring that torture). The thought made a knot tighten in my belly and I gave a small whimper, gesturing toward his leg. I wish I undo whatever happened to the leg but I know I can’t. Instead, I try to focus on the fact that I’m now safe and sound, tucked away in a household with people I know for a fact are friendly and not two-faced. The smile returns to my face and I pass by his leg, going straight in and placing a friendly kiss on his cheek. (I know better than to kiss anywhere else because of the mistake I made the last time and the consequence I received from it.) I straighten up and take a step back toward his wounded leg, pointing at it with my hook and making curious grumbling noises, glancing back up at his face.

Graphic credit to Mylee <3

I don’t quite understand how or why Jack was taken back to the Detention Center. Then again, I’ve been gone for roughly a year so that is plenty of time for things to happen, particularly detainment in the prison. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like, and to know that my friend was one of those traumatizing screams really hurt. I hope he’s not in a lot of pain like when he was shot by that peacekeeper.

Much to my surprise Jack comes up to greet me, giving a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Hardly an instant passes and already my face feels so hot that I’m sure is quite red and ripe with embarrassment. The last time I kissed him was an absolute mistake – maybe he was just more comfortable with me? It doesn’t matter, anyway, because I’m unable to look at him properly while my face burns tomato red. I quickly try to regain my composure by rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. (Makes me miss Felix.) I shove the memories of the other Avox out of my head and force a weak smile to my face when Jack asks me about Colton. I nod to confirm his question, glancing to see my little guy climbing around on the sofa (since he’s never seen one before, not even in the Capitol). I take an unsteady breath, tightening my jaw and swallowing hard. Colton’s the whole reason I’m here in the first place. I’m overwhelmed with the anxiety and dread due to my original motive, fighting back a growing sense of nausea and the knots forming in my belly.

I take my backpack off and set it down, haul a chair over to his bedside, and sit down. I don’t want to do this, not after I just found him. It takes a bit of effort to unzip the thing and then I sift through its contents, pulling out a notepad and short pencil. Setting it on my lap I begin to explain my situation.

Jack, I know this is all of a sudden, but I figure now is just a good time as ever. I found Colton only a few months ago and he’s just a toddler, but he shouldn’t be with me, an Avox. He can’t say anything other than his name and “puppy” and it’s going to ruin him in the future. I can’t keep him, Jack, I can’t teach him what he needs to survive and I don’t want to force him into ending up a mute like me. I don’t want him to be an outcast. He deserves so much more than that and

The pencil comes to a stop on the paper, hesitating. I don’t want to continue, I really don’t, but I know I have to. It’s for the better.

I know you already have the twins, but it would mean so much to me if you could take Colton since you can give him everything that I can’t and I trust you. Please, could you do this for me?

Hot tears sting in the back of my eyes and I quickly thrust the notepad at Jack, forcing him to take it before I rethink my actions and yank it back like I so desperately want to.






((Yeah, Dev knows the kids are back :3 ))

Graphic credit to Mylee <3

I wait anxiously as Jack reads the note. The tears continue to well in my eyes and it only hurts more when I hear Colton’s little happy squeaks coming from the other room. Isn’t this the right thing to do? Sometimes, if you love something enough, you have to let it go. In this case it’s Colton, my little boy.

My posture shrinks down a moment before Jack suddenly comes alive, obviously bewildered by my request. I raise my hand to rub my temples and will myself not to cry anymore. I know he’s my son, dammit! I did intend to keep him, I really did; I still want to more than anything. My hand then clamps down over my eyes as if it’ll hide the fact that I’ve started to cry. It takes a few moments before I’m able to steady myself enough to take my hand down, keeping my gaze lowered. I love Colton but I’m holding him back. This isn’t about food, Jack, it’s about him getting the skills he needs to live a good life and being somewhere safe. I look up at Jack helplessly, plainly displaying a what am I supposed to do? expression. I never said I would just leave Colton – I’m definitely going to stick around for as long as I can without it looking suspicious. I’m going to still keep an eye on him and visit when I can. I’m not going to just suddenly vanish from his life.

I take the notebook back to write down another explanation.

Do you think I don’t know that? I’m not going to just disappear. I’ll stick around, but he needs “normal” people, ones that aren’t avoxed. I was wrong this entire time before I found him, you know. I was only fooling myself when I thought I could keep him and remain out of harm’s way. I found him because I needed to know that he was alright, and he’s better off with me than with his grandfather (who had him), but he’s far better off with you than with me. Besides, if he’s caught with me they’d kill him in an instant. Avoxes aren’t allowed to have children, and since I have no master I can’t pretend he’s my master’s kid. I can’t endanger him anymore. Please, Jack, I need to know that he’ll be safe.

It hurts. A lot. Jack doesn’t know what an Avox’s life is like and how the threat of execution is always looming overhead. I’m pretty sure he would do anything to keep Josh and Briar out of harm’s way, and that’s what I’m trying to do. The only difference is that I have to go about it another way than he would. But the aching in my chest – it’s all too real and much too painful. Sooner or later I am going to have to leave Ten and I want nothing more than to just keep myself wrapped around Colton’s short finger; I want the warm smile that comes to my face when he sticks leaves in my hair, or when we play fight with “antlers;” I want to keep watching his face scrunch up from the bitter taste of blackberries; I want to keep it all. Giving my kid to Jack means I won’t be able to see any of that again, and moreover I’m going to not see him grow up. I’m not going to see his first day of real school, or meet his new friends, see his first crush, hear about his first kiss and how he nearly missed; I’m not going to be able to attend his wedding, or the birth of any of his own kids – none of it. I won’t be there and that’s devastating.

I set my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hand and against my stump, biting back the bitter sob that threatens to escape me. I’ve fought for so long to keep all the emotions bottled up so that Colton wouldn’t see, but now, in front of a friend who’s seen me through thick and thin, my walls are cracking. The emotions are leaking through and I don’t try to stop the tears anymore, but I remain as quiet as possible, trying to not draw attention from Mrs. Lexington or my little boy. I can’t even bear to see his face right now. I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for whatever new retorts Jack will come up with.

Graphic credit to Mylee <3

But does Colton deserve me? That’s what I continuously ask myself. He deserves much better than me; I’m an Avox, so therefore I’m the lowest of the low in all of Panem. People treat me worse than a pack of rats – there’s no way I’d ever want Colton to be exposed to that kind of abuse. I’d sooner voluntarily chop off my only hand than have my son exposed to the torment that Avoxes receive. It’s in any father’s nature to protect their child, and I thought this would be the right thing to do. Now I’m not so sure.

I move my hands down just slightly so that my teary eyes can look at Jack, once again finding that look on his face. He brings another point to my attention, however: he’s not anymore safe than I am. What all has happened while I was gone? My jagged breathing becomes steadier and I draw my eyebrows closer together, focusing intensely on what he was explaining to me. The story sounds like the typical kind that prisoners tell in their cells and it doesn’t surprise me that the Peacekeepers would say that the papers were forged. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a good and true Peacekeeper. But the way he refers to it (“You know what it’s like down there”) makes me shiver. I do know and it’s terrifying. But what on earth did they do to him? His leg is beaten up so much that it’s painful to look at, but what else went on? He mentions turning Josh into a Peacekeeper and that makes my heart skip a beat. Is that what they threatened him with?

But now I know that Jack’s in trouble. If that’s the case then I’m endangering them by even being here. I’ll have to leave quickly. But I can’t take him back to the woods, not just yet. I take the note back, not even bothering to wipe away my tears like he was doing.

Then don’t keep him. I’ll take him. But at least teach him to speak, read, and/or write?

I refuse for Colton to end up with no way of communicating with people. He needs something and Jack can at least give him that. I don’t want to say that Jack needs to give it to him, but I trust him more than anyone else.

Graphic credit to Mylee <3

I about wince with him as he moves, pain flickering across his facial features. I wait anxiously, though, while he reads my revised plan, breathing a huge sigh of relief when he agrees. A sniffle escapes me and I use the back of my and to wipe away the remaining tears, rubbing my face along my dirty sleeve afterward, feeling rather pathetic for having broken down so quickly in front of him. It was rather embarrassing but I’ve been holding that pain in for so long that it felt quite good to have a release. I hang my head and nod, confirming with myself that this was what I wanted to do. This is what Colton needs.

Jack then poses a question that quickly grabs my attention. Faith? I sniff again and look up at him, eyebrows knitted together to display my confusion. Who is Faith? He must have gotten the hint that I have no idea who he’s talking about so he tells me quickly how they met and what she does. She sounds nice, I’ll give her that, and if she can teach Colton what he needs to survive then I’m all for it. What really sells me on the idea, though, is when he tells me that he would be safe with her. Safe, that’s all I want. I just nod again, willing to do nearly anything at this point. But from a complete stranger? If Jack trusts her then I trust her.

I reach for the notepad and bring the pencil back up. How well do you know her? So far all he’s told me is that he worked for her dad and that she’s “still here,” but whatever that means, I don’t know. But what concerned me more was my Avox status. What would she say if she knew Colton was an Avox’s kid? I can’t stay in Ten forever, I’ll need to hide away in the woods for a week or longer at a time to not cause suspicion, and that means leaving my boy alone with this Faith figure. I want to know that I can fully trust her before I leave him behind.

Graphic credit to Mylee <3