Tell Me We Have Forever. (Sampson--Blitz)

I haven't been able to really sleep the past few days. If you could cut my skull open (or crush it with a flail similar to Scout's weapon of choice) and look into my dreams, they would look exactly like the recaps that run on the television screens all the time. Not satisfied with the Quarter Quell's twist and want to see a more mature games? Don't worry, I've got the 63rd on loop too. Watch two Izars fight for life in the arena. Sometimes, if you're lucky, they merge together and Benat will fight Iago and I'll get to see my cousin scoop out my big brother's eyes.

Yeah, if you're lucky. Those nights, I don't sleep at all. That's why the bags under my eyes have darkened so much. When I do sleep, it's restless and troubled and anything but rejuvenating. My body feels even more tired after sleeping for the night than it does before I close my eyes. I fear I'll have to abandon closing my eyes at all if Iago makes it into the finale.

My exhausted body is what directs me towards the abandoned tree house that sleeps in the canopies of a nearby forest. I discovered it a while back and now, it seems like it would be the best place to nap in District 11. It's only when I begin to scale the ladder into the treehouse's belly and I hear Asha's voice, that I know I'm not alone. "Asha?" my voice sounds tired as I ask for her to reassure me that my ears are not playing tricks on me.

When I am reassured it is Asha who is making herself at home in the treehouse, a wave of relief passes through me. I don't think I would be so welcoming to anyone else. For now, seeing Asha is easy. She plants a kiss on my lips that makes my muscles seem a little less tired and then asks about my rough night. A tired smile is all I offer in reply. Anyone can see how brutal the games have been on me. I rub my eyes briefly before settling back against the old boards of the treehouse. It smells like the apple orchards.

“Deval I don't want to keep doing this...I want to be safe,” Asha speaks some more words and I close my eyes. I've never been so tired. I wonder how Sampson must be feeling. He can't be much better off than me.
"Just two more years, Asha. Then the reaping can't touch you," I answer with a low sigh, "Three more for me, but that's really nothing. I'm halfway through." I think she must be talking about being afraid of the games, but then again, I'm not sure. We might not even be safe after we are free of the reaping. District 11 always poses some kind of danger to people. I can't help but think about Iago's request before he headed off to murder.

Iago wanted us to leave. He wanted me to take Sampson and disappear, so that we would be away from the games and District 11. While it was his final request, I never really put much thought into it. I figured there is nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and so, would be a futile attempt to escape. Now, as I look at Asha, I can't help but ask. "Unless you aren't talking about just the reaping and the games, " I say, allowing my eyes to open up a little. I want to know what she's thinking. Would she ever consider fleeing into the unknown where the districts don't matter?

Sitting against the old boards of the treehouse, my body still feels tense. I just want to relax, to take a break from the stress of watching Iago take on the role of survivor and killer all at the same time. I want to forget what he asked me to do and how that question has not helped me get any kind of shut eye. Between my nightmares about the games, the anxiety I feel for not fulfilling his final request eats away at my subconscious. Iago asked one last thing of me before he left and after saving my brother from the horrors of the arena, I am in no position to deny him.

But, in all honesty, I'm terrified that the unknown outside District 11 is more dangerous than the uncertainty of our futures with the reapings to come.

“Deval, do you remember how Freya and Rum Tum came to us...how they were...free...,” Asha began to explain and I feel my eyebrows raise in surprise. Did she go in to talk with Iago, too? Or did she just want an escape from the weight of District 11? I don't have a clue how she might have come to the conclusion, but I now realize that Asha wants to run. She wants to be a wanderer like my half-brother, Rum Tum. Thinking of my surprise relative that has the face of my dead older brother adds a whole new factor to our possible escape from District 11 and I feel my chest deflate like more weight has been added to my shoulders.

"Iago wanted me to leave. He wanted me to take Sampson and go," my words are hollow. I almost want to cry, to break down and scream because this whole situation shouldn't be happening. They took Benat away. That should have been enough. "It was really the only thing he ever asked of me.... and after saving Sampson.... it should have been an easy decision," I try to explain how insecure I feel about being too much of a coward to face the mystery beyond District 11's fences to honor my cousin's sacrifice.

Just thinking about the idea of running away makes me sweat beneath my winter clothes. They've always said awful things about the places beyond the fences of District 11, but that would be nothing compared to the horrors if we were caught trying to go. I cannot fathom how the reward would ever outweigh the risk, even if it was Iago's last wish. My hands feel clammy and my tongue is too big for my mouth. The winter wind cannot soothe the heat building up with my anxiety.

"You..you were going to leave me?" Asha's words make my eyes look towards her and I can see the hurt. It's in the wrinkles of her scrunched up nose. It's in her eyes as she stares at me, expecting an explanation. So I give her one, no matter how much it burns in my mouth.
"I never planned on leaving," I hiss, venom behind my words. Asha has jumped to the conclusion that I was going to leave her behind and that infuriates me. Not just because I would never do such a thing, but because it also forces me to admit that I am a coward. "I'm too afraid, Asha... It's Iago's last request and he's family and I-I-I can't do it," my voice cracks a little because I am being honest. What's worse? Waiting to make it to the safe age of 19 or fleeing into the mystery beyond the fences? For now, I'd rather wade in the bowl of names and fear the reaping's hand, then walk the forests and fear every shadow. My fears make me feel empty.

Asha launches into a defense about how Iago is a monster and I press my hands to my face and try to rub away the tension in my muscles. When I pull away my hands and look back towards her, she has a lump of cash in her palm. I can't help but cover it with my hand and push it back towards her. "We can't..." I breathe out the words, willing her to understand. How can I leave behind my parents? What will Sampson think? He, above everyone, might want to escape the reach of the games, but I have no idea how he will feel about the idea of leaving behind District 11 completely.

My fears are numerous, but a majority of them are rational. I take pride in that. I take even more pride in that my greatest horror is that I will ever fail my family like I failed Benat. I do not fear what lies beyond our district's fence because of the unknown but because that unknown may lead to an undoing greater than any arena can bring upon us. If we all leave, there is a possibility that we will all meet untimely ends. We could be unprepared for the winters and freeze or we could fumble around like newborns and starve because the wild is like nothing we've ever encountered. It has the same lethal characteristics as an arena, minus the children hunting one another down.

And no wad of money can change any of that. I doubt that money even has value outside the districts. Surely Asha must have thought of that. We'll be alone in our troubles, cut off from stores and places of purchase. Food will not be so easily discovered. Even if District 11 doesn't have enough or we're too poor to acquire it, that doesn't mean it's anything like scavenging and hunting for ourselves. I can't imagine any of us being any good, even if Rum Tum might be willing to help us out.

Asha is trying to convince me by going on about how we have to do it for Sampson and how we've got each other and that Iago is a monster. Amongst a sea of other words that I have all heard before, I hear three that take my breath right out of my lungs. “I love you,” she says, drawing my eyes to hers like magnets. It's so strange to hear a non-relative say it to me. Maybe it's because I'm so tired from my restless nights and my emotions are a little more high-strung than usual, but it fills me with a fire, a passion that's just as foreign to me as those three words are coming from Asha. While I've felt passion before, felt a fire inside my chest, when they threatened to take Sampson into the arena just as they took Benat, Asha's passion is entirely her own.

"I love you too," I whisper back before taking a long kiss from her lips. It reminds me of my party at the corn fields, before Rum Tum made an appearance. Breaking away, I stand up and slip my freezing hands into my pockets. My eyes watch the cold wind messing with the treetops and their dying leaves that linger on their creaking branches. "I'll talk to Sampson, but I can't promise anything," I explain, "He's ultimately the one who will make up my mind."