IVAN BRAGINSKI | DISTRICT FIVE {FIN}

ivan lurisi braginski

eighteen | male | district five

You left me here like a chalk outline
On the sidewalk waiting for the rain
To wash away
All you left behind
Is a chalk outline

appearance

Ivan looms taller than nearly all of the people he knows, and is broad-shouldered, and heavy-built. A prominent nose that looks like it's been broken a few times and then re-positioned back is smacked in the middle of his face, and platinum blonde hair that curls inwards frames his somewhat chubby face. Yes, the boy does tend to overeat to try and forget about his troubles, and that leads to his larger than usual weight. Some say gestures and appearances are windows to what one is thinking. But with Ivan, one cannot put their trust on appearance alone. Ivan's skin tone is fair, but the most distinguishing physical feature are those bright, cobalt eyes. His eyes are a striking shade of blue, and always bare the cheerful gleam of child-like innocence no matter what mood or phase he is in. Usually when provoked, they will flicker, giving away just a faint shadow of the silent wrath that burns like a hellish flame behind that mask of innocence. An equally innocent smile is always plastered across his features. It doesn't matter if he really is in a good mood, if he's threatening to pound your face into dust, or even if he's under threat of death, that smile will always remain unfaltering.

Another thing one should not trust is his tone of voice. It always holds a cheery to casual tone, making it impossible to tell if he's joking, being sarcastic, or if he really means something or not. There are slight noticeable differences, though, depending what he's feeling at the moment. If he's angry, the light and cheerful tone will have the tiniest stress to it. People who have to be around him always know the warning signs. When he has that stress and smiles a bit too innocently and radiates a terribly scary aura, that's your que to start running. Other than that...his tone, expression, and that smile remain the same. However, despite the fact that Ivan has a reputation for his childishly innocent, everything-is-perfectly-fine mask, he has been known to remove his "mask," and open up to let his true emotions show. He's just scared that he'll let his monstrous side of him out if he does, so it rarely happens. The signature, most well-known piece of attire he wears is a long, light-colored scarf that never leaves it's place around Ivan's neck.

personality

All he wants are friends who don't pretend to like him in fear. For Ivan's entire life, he's been hated and feared with no one to come to for company. You can't exactly blame everyone for living in fear of getting paired up with him for a school project or something. Although Ivan has a a mask of a simplistic and easy-going personality and the the false innocence of a child, he is oblivious to any pain, annoyance, or harm he inflicts upon other people, and is terribly cold-blooded. Ivan an expert at manipulating other people in the most innocent ways possible, and will not back down if a good challenge at hand. He can be quite immature and childish, and seems to not know what personal space is. He is quite sarcastic and likes to make rather cruel jokes without realizing how hurtful they really are. The only he knows about this terrifying personality of his is that it's there, and he doesn't know how to stop it. And to tell the truth, he really hates himself and just really really wishes that he could be just another human that people didn't run for the hills from. He knows that he's at fault for creating this personality to begin with, and damn does he regret it.

It's because of these shitty mean qualities that Ivan possesses that everyone is afraid of him. The boy's like a wild animal; he can sense fear, and when he does, he gets angry. Even him himself doesn't know exactly what he's angry at. Angry at humanity, for never letting a single person come near him and not run away as soon as they can. Angry at the person who's afraid, for being just like the others who hate and fear him. Angry at himself, for turning into that monster at that lowest point and all his faults that he tries his best to correct but never can. Why couldn't he just be nicer? Why couldn't he not be so cold? Ivan can only try to be his ideal self by acting happy and cheerful and smiling a lot, but it just makes him even more scarier. And whenever someone is brave enough to approach him to make friends, Ivan loses them quickly because of his overly affectionate, yet cruel attitude. And each time, it just makes him sadder and more upset. The friends who don't have to courage to break away from Ivan are awkward and he can sense that they don't like him.

Recently, Ivan's realized that his life is a constant cycle of waiting for the day to end. The night had always been Ivan's favorite time of day, as there weren't any people who were scared to remind him of his issue. He felt like he was as close to equal as he could get, as only a few reckless teenagers were out with friends at that time. Most people were alone and in bed, while he was always alone. Besides, there was hardly anyway Ivan could increase his scariness points if no one was there, right? Because of the fact that he stays up extremely late, he likes to make up his sleep in the day when he has free time. Free time is plentiful to Ivan as others were busy out with friends, while he had none to waste his time with. Whenever he's waiting for the sun to fall and the moon to rise, the boy's an observer. Whatever the others who actually have friends do, Ivan watches and tries to mimic. It's where he picked up his cheery attitude and constant smile. Of course he's jealous of everyone else, why wouldn't he be? No one else had the very inconvenient quality of being too angry and scary and terrible and feared and anything Ivan was.

history

Even before he was born, Ivan was hated. No one ever wanted him; he was a mistake. His parents were a very young couple who used failing protection. As a result, Ivan's birth certificate was simply an apology from the condom company. Ivan's sixteen-year-old mother and father were forced to take care of this child that they never wanted, a child they would much rather dump on the streets for trash. The parents didn't know a single thing about parenting, and didn't have any desire to learn, thus poor little Ivan was left neglected for his entire life. Whenever he was hungry, he would go eat whatever he wanted from the fridge, as his parents never bothered to cook for him and just told him to do whatever as long as he didn't break anything. Of course Ivan was lonely, with no real parents to tell him bedtime stories or comfort him when all the other children bullied him at school. Already, the boy wasn't very popular. But instead of everyone running from him, he ran from them. The bigger, stronger kids would push him and punch him and torment him in any way.

At that time, Ivan was just a weak little doormat that you could get to do anything. And that's about when his two twin sisters, Natalya and Irunya were born. This time, his parents had definitely matured and actually wanted a child besides Ivan. The twins grew up with love and care, while Ivan was still seen as a terrible curse that was brought to them. Natalya was, to tell the truth, insane. Although she was much younger than Ivan, she quickly grew to be stronger and more agile and could easily hurt him. Every day, Natalya would get Ivan to do her chores and everything else she told him to do, as she had figured out his weak point: being a doormat. Irunya genuinely liked Ivan and tried to help him as much as she could, but she was just too stupid. Always letting things slip from her mouth. Always dropping and breaking things. Never really understanding him. Life was even harder than it was before, with parents who hated him, a demanding sister who used him as a tool, another dumbass sister who always accidentally got Ivan in trouble, and bullies at school who treated him worse and worse with each passing day.

And then one day, while there were so many people bossing him around and commanding him to kiss their ass that it was impossible to distinguish the voices, Ivan just decided: he had enough. From that point on, Ivan trained himself to stop being so nice to others. To put it simply, he became a raging monster. With a fuse that had been cut to be so short, Ivan's heart froze over. The tables had been turned, and Ivan was now the one who smacked the others in the face if they irritated him enough. Sometimes it was more than just a smack in the face. Kids would attempt to limp home but fall on the way there, and Ivan would just get to them again and beat them up all over again. He just used the method of hurting others to try and forget his family troubles, to forget how everyone hated him, to forget everything that was wrong. But soon, this method proved to fail, and Ivan felt himself surrounded by loneliness.

One moment he would see a full hallway, and right when he walked in, everyone had run the hell away, afraid to even go near Ivan. People thought of him as one of those wild animals that were supposed to be trapped in the zoo. No one wanted Ivan to be free, everyone seemed to want to lock him in a cage, just like the zoo animals. Unfortunately, this terrible person that rose out of him couldn't be pushed back in again; Ivan was stuck with this side of him forever. The only thing he could do was cover it up with smiles and a cute little cheery expression. This cover quickly became something absolutely necessary for Ivan, like a higher district girl's makeup before she goes to school. His tried to cover up all his faults with this mask, thus he rarely ever took it off. And when he did, he felt abnormal, like the bully he was, even though he tries his best to suppress it to try to let people know that he'll try not to hurt them. He just wanted them to know how lonely it was over there, with everyone running away. Oh how Ivan tried to change, yet it always failed. 

The only thing Ivan ever wanted was friends. He still doesn't have any.


codeword - odair

colors -
doing - 4D3C44
speaking - 83764C
hearing - 34344E
thinking - BFA984
italicized - 566981


word count -

face claim - so, how's the weather?

theme songs -
chalk outline by three days grace
lonely teardrops by jackie wilson
one by aimee mann