Fractals of Memories [coma:oneshot]
Feb 9, 2014 1:37:33 GMT -5
Post by arx on Feb 9, 2014 1:37:33 GMT -5
❅Faina Pischalnikova❅
district 6 - thirteen - my eyes are heavy, but i can't sleep
“ She knew the snow ...
and it carried her gently ... ”
I press my hand to the cool glass, letting the cold seep into my bones. I am the snow princess. I smile and let my hand fall away. The small outline of a hand is left behind. I imagine the clear window pane freezing over with frost, the tiny fractals cracking and shimmering as the sun (the dreaded sun, the enemy - death) tries to reach me. The sun wants me dead. She wants me to melt. And with the thermostat reading 72 degrees, I think everyone in this hospital wants me to die a slow and painful death as my heart melts and my veins slowly constrict as the heat pulses through them. I don't even bother to press the buzzer that will call a nurse to the room, I just twist the doorknob and disappear into a white land of snow and ice.
I whistle for Jay but as usual, he doesn't come. They are still hiding him from me, my best friend. I here the click clack of my mother's heels down the hall before I here the sound of her voice, and before they can reach my room, I am sprinting through the hallways, my ears trained on everything but my parents - the ones that have gone insane. They are always trying to lie to me, always trying to tell me that I am the delusional one, that I need to stop running away, that I need to come home, that I need to quit looking for my imaginary fox, that I am not made of snow, and that I will freeze to death if I refuse to wear a coat when the temperatures dip below freezing. Lies. I know what I am, I know I have to be careful of the heat, and yet they still try to convince me that I know nothing.
I may have been asleep for a few months, but I am not clueless.
"Faina?"
I twist my head when I hear my voice, the sweet sing-songy voice that almost makes me forget that the owner doesn't believe a word I say. I feel the heat coming. I feel myself getting hotter and hotter as I run through the halls, my bare feet clapping against the tiles. I wish my breath would collect in clouds as I huffed. I wish my nose and cheeks stung with the chill of air rushing past me. I wish that I was skating on ice, not pitter pattering on tile.
"Faina! Sweety, we don't have time for this today. Faina!"
I glance over my shoulder to see my mom appear at the end of it. She has kicked off her heels and now the pitter patter of her feet matches mine. I run until I find that I am melting, and then I have to stop so that I can strip my shirt from my body and water begins to drip down my sides and neck. I start to panic. "Mom!" I screech as she gets closer. I rub at the water on my skin, trying to force it back into my body, to force it to become part of me again, but it is no use. "Mom! I screech again, my eyes starting to melt from their sockets, my vision blurring suddenly. I collapse to the floor, pressing my body to the cool tiles, just before my mom reaches me and calls for a nurse.
"Mom, help, I'm melting, please, help!"
And the words barely come out as as my breathing becomes more rapid. I feel a hand on my arm, but I hit it away. Screaming as my vision blurs further, my eyes continuing to melt. "I'm going blind!" But my mom only hushes me in the most gentle way she can manage. "You're crying. It's only tears, sweety, just take deep breaths ..."
I wake up hours later in a bed without sheets on it. My eyes are burning, and when I touch my face it is almost painful. I don't remember how I got here. I don't remember how I even got to this fairytale land in the first place. I just want to run through the woods again, hunt for my own food, play with Jay, and watch the swans float in half frozen ponds. I just want to go back to where everything makes sense. But instead, I am trapped here with these placebo parents and friends that are only figments of my imagination. But because I can't find the strength to fight it, I let my fake mother pull me out of bed and dress me with her fake hands. She kisses the back of my neck when she finishes braiding my hair. I can feel her eyes melting, the water dripping onto my neck.
I turn around and hug her. Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I tell myself she isn't real, I still give in to the delusion. I try so hard not to love her, but this fantasy world has a firm grip on me - I can't escape. And so I embrace the insanity instead, feeling my bones begin to ache we share body heat and she pets the back of my head with silky fingertips.
After a fit of giggling and a brushing the snow off of eachother's backs we turn to look at our creations. Three snow angels, sparkling as the sun overhead bounces on the tossled snowflakes. Her own was light, as if the snow had only been moved in that unique way by the wind. Her parents were deeply set - her mother was frowning. "But it's perfect!" I exclaim, my mittened hand pointing to the angel that fits her body. All three of them together like that, matching our shapes ... Perfection. Her mother was still frowning, but to a lesser extent, and so she crashed into her at her waist, clinging to her, the one who had built her, for dear life. "Yours is the most beautiful of all."
And her mittened hand runs across my braided hair, the leather dusting away the snow that has landed among the knots.
"I love you, Mom." I murmur into her shoulder. "I love you too, Faina." she whispers in return, her water dripping into my hair.
I whistle for Jay but as usual, he doesn't come. They are still hiding him from me, my best friend. I here the click clack of my mother's heels down the hall before I here the sound of her voice, and before they can reach my room, I am sprinting through the hallways, my ears trained on everything but my parents - the ones that have gone insane. They are always trying to lie to me, always trying to tell me that I am the delusional one, that I need to stop running away, that I need to come home, that I need to quit looking for my imaginary fox, that I am not made of snow, and that I will freeze to death if I refuse to wear a coat when the temperatures dip below freezing. Lies. I know what I am, I know I have to be careful of the heat, and yet they still try to convince me that I know nothing.
I may have been asleep for a few months, but I am not clueless.
"Faina?"
I twist my head when I hear my voice, the sweet sing-songy voice that almost makes me forget that the owner doesn't believe a word I say. I feel the heat coming. I feel myself getting hotter and hotter as I run through the halls, my bare feet clapping against the tiles. I wish my breath would collect in clouds as I huffed. I wish my nose and cheeks stung with the chill of air rushing past me. I wish that I was skating on ice, not pitter pattering on tile.
"Faina! Sweety, we don't have time for this today. Faina!"
I glance over my shoulder to see my mom appear at the end of it. She has kicked off her heels and now the pitter patter of her feet matches mine. I run until I find that I am melting, and then I have to stop so that I can strip my shirt from my body and water begins to drip down my sides and neck. I start to panic. "Mom!" I screech as she gets closer. I rub at the water on my skin, trying to force it back into my body, to force it to become part of me again, but it is no use. "Mom! I screech again, my eyes starting to melt from their sockets, my vision blurring suddenly. I collapse to the floor, pressing my body to the cool tiles, just before my mom reaches me and calls for a nurse.
"Mom, help, I'm melting, please, help!"
And the words barely come out as as my breathing becomes more rapid. I feel a hand on my arm, but I hit it away. Screaming as my vision blurs further, my eyes continuing to melt. "I'm going blind!" But my mom only hushes me in the most gentle way she can manage. "You're crying. It's only tears, sweety, just take deep breaths ..."
I wake up hours later in a bed without sheets on it. My eyes are burning, and when I touch my face it is almost painful. I don't remember how I got here. I don't remember how I even got to this fairytale land in the first place. I just want to run through the woods again, hunt for my own food, play with Jay, and watch the swans float in half frozen ponds. I just want to go back to where everything makes sense. But instead, I am trapped here with these placebo parents and friends that are only figments of my imagination. But because I can't find the strength to fight it, I let my fake mother pull me out of bed and dress me with her fake hands. She kisses the back of my neck when she finishes braiding my hair. I can feel her eyes melting, the water dripping onto my neck.
I turn around and hug her. Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I tell myself she isn't real, I still give in to the delusion. I try so hard not to love her, but this fantasy world has a firm grip on me - I can't escape. And so I embrace the insanity instead, feeling my bones begin to ache we share body heat and she pets the back of my head with silky fingertips.
After a fit of giggling and a brushing the snow off of eachother's backs we turn to look at our creations. Three snow angels, sparkling as the sun overhead bounces on the tossled snowflakes. Her own was light, as if the snow had only been moved in that unique way by the wind. Her parents were deeply set - her mother was frowning. "But it's perfect!" I exclaim, my mittened hand pointing to the angel that fits her body. All three of them together like that, matching our shapes ... Perfection. Her mother was still frowning, but to a lesser extent, and so she crashed into her at her waist, clinging to her, the one who had built her, for dear life. "Yours is the most beautiful of all."
And her mittened hand runs across my braided hair, the leather dusting away the snow that has landed among the knots.
"I love you, Mom." I murmur into her shoulder. "I love you too, Faina." she whispers in return, her water dripping into my hair.
“ She knew the land by heart ... ”
