mallory piper ; capitol ; fin

a p p e a r a n c e » this is what you look like

I have short hair and it's dark but sometimes I bleach it blonde [I wonder if the peroxide is going to my head maybe that's why I'm so stupid maybe that's why I think too much.]
It blows in the breeze when I walk when I run when I dance when I spin and I love it with the wind and the light wrapping around me like an embrace. I like to wear short skirts and camisoles and live without being restricted when I move. It's always warm in this part of the Capitol [it's because of the clubs, everyone there wears as little as possible and nobody wants to deal with a coat check.]
My eyes are brown and that's all there is to say about them but I smile a lot and I mean a lot because I'm almost always smiling when I talk and I'm almost always talking, full stop.

I move really erratically, really bouncylike because I can't stand not moving. It scares me and it makes me feel numb and scary and I can't stand that at all so I'm always tapping my foot or twitching my hands or something, because I am not capable of staying still, like for real, not capable at all and it scares me because I need some sort of movement or I start to go numb. And numbness scares me like quiet scares me in my head and in my limbs and the rest of my body and brain. I like for there to be constant movement in my body, creating this wonderful little buzzing in my head that just sorta pokes me and says "yeah, okay, I'm still alive." Otherwise I start to feel disconnected and it scares me like I said and yeah.

I like to dance, too, like I've already mentioned. Sometimes I go out to one of the clubs on our street and I don't even have a single drink because all I care about is just keeping in motion, and even the second it would take to have a sip of a drink is too long and I get dizzy. I spin and I flip and I move like I'm going to die if I stop, because, well, that's how it feels sometimes. And I love it.

p e r s o n a l i t y » this is what you think like

I am made of sunshine and spun sugar and helium balloons and light. Not because I am afraid of the darkness, but because I am afraid of what is inside it. That is what my brother tells me, anyway, and I think he's right because I don't know how to put it any better than that [and he knows me better than I do anyways.] I am airy and light like cotton candy and I will dissolve on your tongue until nothing is left except the lingering sugar-sweet taste and you will not remember days or weeks later because I will be gone, nothing but a pleasant frothy memory of bubbles and champagne.
I want to dance and I want to kiss and I want to breathe in sunlight I want to put a paper clip on my tongue on my lips make it heavy hold it down so I can't talk anymore I want to bleed rainbows and let them run down my arms and I want to know who I am deep down under the skin. I want cinnamon and caviar and I want to be someone's dream I want to be better than anything someone has ever wanted I want to be the dirt under your fingernails or the flush in your cheeks.

I'm rambling and I'm sorry, Brennan tells me that I do that too much. He's my brother. He knows when I do these things so he's the one who tells me to stop, cause Ripred knows I'm not gonna do it myself. He says "Mal, you're talking too much, and you need to stop now," and then I stop, at least for a little while. I can't honestly tell when I've been rambling or talking too much or anything. It's probably something I need to work on, but I need to work on a lot of things, so I think it can wait for a while. But I don't know, like, at all. Help me out a little? Maybe? That would be nice, I think. I would love that.

Here's another reason I'm like sugar: people like me enough, and sometimes they really want me around, but nobody wants me there for too long because I'm annoying and cloyingly sweet and I'll probably rot your teeth if you're around me for too long. I can't say for sure, cause I'm not really around anyone for long besides Brennan. He needs a nickname, I think, but everything I've tried he's rejected. Bren was my favorite, I thought that one was great, but he told me if I called him that again he would put duct tape over my mouth again so I stopped. Oops. That's not really related, is it? Apparently not- that's another thing I do, see, I-what's that word- tangents. I go on tangents about anything and everything that goes on my mind and I say it out loud because there is no filter between my mouth and my brain.

I am Mallory Piper and I will talk until your brain bleeds out your ears I will make your teeth ache I will not leave you alone. I am sweeter than sugar and stupid and hyperactive and I don't sleep for days at a time but I don't let that affect me. I am Mallory Piper and you can call me Mal or Mally or whatever you like [because honestly I don't mind as long as you talk to me at all.]

I like smoke and tequila and cocktails and sunsets and I don't care what you give me to sedate me and I don't care if you give me anything at all but sometimes I need to make my brain shut up, and that's when I go to the clubs and I get absolutely shitfaced and I go home with strangers. And when I am conscious and sober I go home and I think about my brother being disappointed in me and I think about how he knows it gets to be too much because he does the exact same thing and he's just on the outside of it he doesn't even have the thoughts inside his brain.

You want the heart
Or to be saved
But even good guys still get paid
So watch my back
And keep the blade
I think it got you laid
So fake your death
Or it’s your blame
And leave the lights on when you stay
Take off your clothes
And dream that fame
Come on and feel that shame

h i s t o r y » this is how you got this way

I was born in a BIG WHITE HOUSE in the middle of the Capitol where people walk their tigers in the streets and paint their faces gold. The sidewalks are marble and the trees aren't real and the air tastes of Absolut when you breathe in deep with your throat. I have lived there all my life and I suppose if I were not used to it it would be wonderful but I am so it's not and a little bit of me wishes it was.
I have never been poor, I have never been in trouble. I am an average girl for the Capitol.
Here's my family: my parents have been absent. I don't know who they are, really, or where. Sometimes I have all these theories about who they are and why they left in my head and those are some of the times I need to take the pills to shut up my brain.

They used to come home sometimes, I know that much. Brennan says our moms were colorful and bright and that they reminded him of me. I don't know if there's anything true in that, because I have always assumed that I am unique in my defectiveness. Oh, and I meant to put that in the plural. Keighley, that was one of their names, Brennan told me. And Willow. I'm adopted, too, by the way. Brennan said he was-Willow's birth son, I think? I don't know. I lose track of these things over the years, and Brennan doesn't like talking about them except for when he's feeling nostalgic.
He's pretty much raised me.
Bren Brennan is five years older than me and he said he was eleven, so I guess that makes me six. See, I'm not that stupid after all! He tells me that when he realized they weren't coming home, he started taking care of me. I guess that was a pretty big job for an eleven year old, especially considering how much I talked both then and now.

I grew up good, you know what I mean? I've always been bubbly and bright, Brenny says. He thinks I'm a good kid despite that I get on his nerves- he doesn't like to tell me that, but sometimes he gets really sentimental and tells me how much he loves me and all that. I don't know how I would've turned out if not for him. Probably a lot drunker and a lot druggier and a lot stupider than I am now. Not that I would have turned out too bad, but he's done a lot to make me Good and not Bad. He's good for snuggling, too, and I really like having him around, and- I'm getting off track again, aren't I, Ripred damn it.

I don't have friends for the most part, I mean, I like to be around people my own age and everything and while I was in school I never didn't have people to talk to or eat lunch with or anything like that but I've never had people I wanted to be around me all the time. Does that make sense? I've always tended towards just me and Bren. That's all I need, you know?

codeword:


comments/other:
lyrics; "Hurricane"-Panic! At The Disco; "Tiffany Blews"-Fall Out Boy; "Fake Your Death"-My Chemical Romance
fc; amber liu

narrating [FFD9B3]
thinking [00BAAE]
talking [FF59CD]
others talking [FFAC59]