fame aubergine d2 done

Male 

District 2

Fifteen 

“

Ying and Yang. 

I think this might be the one thing in this entire country that is true. You can not be good without a little selfish intent. Nobody is perfect, we all have human flaws. It just going to remind us that there is always something to work on. Then there is the bad. We are all so fast to judge them and shut them away so we don''t have to deal with them. But have any of us realized a part of our so called 'good selfs' and in them too? Everyone bad has some good in them. It's always been there. Someone just has to come in, whether its someone else or themselves, and show it. It is the best way to explain people. We all have good and evil. No one is perfect, no one is all that bad. They can be bad, but not all bad. 


I always ponder on that taught. 


What would the world be if everyone was good? And the same goes for all the bad. I think everyone needs to realize there is a balance between these two things. There is always a balance. It’s what keeps everything going. A balance between good and evil. An unbalanced universe always leads to chaos and confusion. Fair is always the best way so no one has the right to tell you it’s not in their favor. I think my family needs to realize that balance. The Aubergines have this big habit of being the best. Being the best isn’t something you try to be, you have to be it. For me, I have to strive to be the perfect, classic Aubergine. Blonde hair, fair skin, nice teeth but a not so nice attitude and a lot of scars. I possess all of those things. Following family traditions and being the perfect career is what my family wants of me and my siblings.

But we have never been the best.

We are cursed. People say we waste our childhoods away trying to make it to the games just by pure strength and wits. We are bred to work hard and then not get the reward we are seeking from it. We want the crown. They want the crown. But no matter how much my family believes it is not so, I know they know it’s true. They fail to see the balance. Mother and Father will not buy it but I know it’s true. You can not succeed if you are not balanced. You can not win solemnly on the strength and ruthlessness of it. Nor can you win by just being smart. You must learn to combine and perfect the all the necessary things in order to feel success. I have come to realize this at a young age, and my parents who claim to be much older and wiser fail to see the truth. And it’s only their pride that is getting in the way. Pride is such a graceful yet powerful thing. You can’t let it get out of hand, you can’t let it slip away.

Striving for a balance in life causes most people to be at inner self conflict. Finding yourself is the easy part. Refining yourself into a perfect human is everything but possible. For my whole life I have been told how to shape and form myself into the model they wish me to be. I am trained to win. Trained to kill. What else should I be? Human beings didn't evolve brains in order to lie around on lakes. Killing's the first thing we learned. And a good thing we did, or we'd be dead, and the tigers would own the earth.

"The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive." Mother believes that is the true way to have a happy life. Ever since I was a child, I want to be compassionate. Compassionate people are the most well liked, the best people in life. Yet, I have always struggled to unlock my inner compassion to it’s fullest potential. It is so easy to turn to my dark side. My sister has always helped me try to turn to the love and forgiveness of myself. The best part of myself. Yet sometimes I feel that they do not understand that you can’t always be compassionate. No one will stop and wait for you.

I do not wish to cause harm to anyone, yet when I am confronted I turn to the violent path. Because that’s the only way to get things done in this world. I can be a killer. Many times my brothers have had to pull me away from a fight. I have been shamed for going too far. I felt small and weak. I felt like I needed to fight back. I used to get bullied for my small size and frame but I used my training outside of the training room. I can not count how many times my sister has screamed at me to stop kicking them when they were down. “Why still kick them when they have already been defeated?” She asked. And so many things flood around in my mind.

“So they will learn to never come after me.”

I lean my head against the wall of the corridor and cried until someone took me home. I am just like my brothers. Take my life away, and I am just like them. I was a killer. I was evil, I let my evil come out. The one my brothers always told me to unleash but I held back for the sake of my sister. I held it back for payment to my sisters loving words, and thoughtful gifts. Because they are the only ones who have ever shown me love in this world. I learned about my inner ruthlessness from my older brothers. Countless times have I been near death because my brother has had my neck telling me I need to learn how to shut feelings out and let my inner beast come. I hear my sisters bangs on the locked door as I become dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

But I hate myself for that quality. Other people put me in situations where my negative side emerges, but I always wishes for events to be resolved without violence. My compassion is my strongest trait, and it binds people to me. Ruthlessness wins their unswerving faith in me. Faith is dangerous to have in the hands of someone like me. I am motivated by my thirst for power. A lack of compassion makes a man a devoid of humanity. If I act solely for my own benefit how much better am I then the people in the Capitol? I could easily use my knowledge only to probe people’s weaknesses to my power. But others matter to me. But sometimes I must put that aside for the betterment of me, and my family.

A leader with compassion and ruthlessness is a leader who is feared and loved at the same time. And that is what I am. I am feared and loved. It is what I am trying to strive to be. Nothing is perfect. But I will get as close as I can.

I could be seen as a victim, a brilliant child manipulated by adults into playing a game I have never wanted to play, but such an explanation is too simplistic. I am brilliant enough to understand the manipulation and knows that it is necessary. In the same way that my parents manipulates me, I have learned to manipulate people to my advantage. I am a child in name only, and he represents the best that a human being can be, given the context. There is no part of me that desires control, and when I have it, I wish only to avoid the abuses that I sees others commit. But I have learned that in life we are sometimes forced to play games that we would rather not play, and that sometimes winning must be second to nothing else. Still, I try to manage to retain my humanity and my compassion wins out in the end. The fighting urge to seize power and destroy is held down by my sisters voice and my better knowledge to do better.

There was no doubt now in my mind. There was no help for me. Whatever I faced, now and forever, no one would save me from it. My family might be scum, but they had been right, always right; the power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill then you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you.

oDair 

alright he is done