as i wander away ( minie )

The stars glimmer down at me as I stare up at them, small diamonds in the sky above me, shining with a light that I can only see and completely perfect, and yet imperfect at the same time. I wish that Marie would be able to see such beauty in life, instead of playing all day with her useless string dolls and her little blocks that she arranges so carefully into houses and buildings to make a world of her own. She doesn't hardly realize that one day it'll all be gone and she might end up in that world, the world that's she's created for herself. My poor little sister; it's unfortunate but I cannot help to love her. She is so innocent and I cannot help but to find myself praying, down on my knees in the tall grass and looking up at the sky, silent words muttered to whatever gods lie out there, other than myself of course. They don't pray to me though, I am the protector, not the wish granter and they have no reason to pray to me for I have realized by now that I cannot grant any such wishes that they may have for me.

Marie needs all the help though, the help that only those more powerful can give her. If only she was as fortunate as me and was able to control other's lives with a simple touch or use of a knife. I mean, she probably could but she chooses not to, a wise decision for a young girl but a foolish choice overall in life.

The tall grass wraps around my legs, almost like a warm bed as I sit and watch the stars, my own world where I control literally everything. I am the god here and no one can tell me what to do. The wind captures the grass and blows it towards me, a soothing feeling as the blades hit my face with a gentle twist, a sigh escaping my lips as I reach out and stretch out in the grass. Never have I felt so lonely and yet so peaceful and crowded all at once, the blades touching the tips of my fingers, surrounding me and pulling me towards the ground. They take over me.

Why I ran away from Mum earlier in the day I'm still not quite sure of the reason, to be perfectly honest and all. She keeps telling me that I need to get a job, that I need to be able to support the Severin family, her and my little sister. I want to do it, I want so desperately to go out and put myself in the workplace; I just don't want my life to be worthless, I want to be worth something.

But life doesn't usually work that way after all and as I lie in the grass all I can think about is how everything never seems to work out, how everything always seems to go in the direction that I don't want it to go in. It doesn't matter though, in this moment I'm happy and I'm myself.

And that's all that matters.