Jasper Tuttle // Capitol // [FIN]

arx
Retired Staff

2,426 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 23, 2024 12:58:45 GMT -5

literally so gay, doing so many crimes

Jasper Tuttle // Capitol // [FIN] May 11, 2014 18:41:11 GMT -5

Post by arx on May 11, 2014 18:41:11 GMT -5

Name: Jasper Tuttle
Age: 26
Gender: Male
District/Area: Capitol
Appearance:

BELOW

Personality:

BELOW

History:

BELOW

Codeword: odiar
Other:

Valuable info. and such - credit to Onyx for plot and such~

Last Edit: Jun 22, 2014 22:26:33 GMT -5 by arx

"I run on the road, long before I dance under the lights."

arx
Retired Staff

2,426 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 23, 2024 12:58:45 GMT -5

literally so gay, doing so many crimes

Jasper Tuttle // Capitol // [FIN] May 11, 2014 19:05:36 GMT -5

Post by arx on May 11, 2014 19:05:36 GMT -5

“Oh, monsters are scared. That's why they're monsters.”

We all have fears, no matter who you are, and those who are the most monstrous know exactly what we all should be afraid of. I'm afraid of the moon. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of belts. I'm afraid of claws, fangs, fur, growling, howling, and most of all, killing. I have lots of fears - but that's only because I am the monster that lurks around the corner, the feral predator hunting for its next prey. I didn't know it then, but now I am sure that is why my parents kept me chained in the basement. Maybe it would've been better had my aunt and uncle kept me there too.

Sure I was a dog in my parent's basement, but I was a dressed up dog in my aunt and uncle's home. They tried to fix something - no, disguise something - that could not be disguised. I'm a monster, plain and simple. But still they tried, and maybe I did learn how to conceal a few things. I know how to eat at a dinner table, know how to talk to people in a professional manner, know how to be a gentleman, but all of it was just one, big fancy trick I was taught after they dangled treats in my face. If I behaved like a little boy, I got what I wanted - oh, and I didn't get belted. I guess that's a plus too.

I've been belted and beat down and kicked my entire life. Why not fight back? Huh. If I fought back, I would kill them. I would kill everyone. And despite what I am and what I am supposed to be - how I am supposed to be a servant of the darkness and of the evil - I must resist all urges to be who I truly am. I've taken every bit of it in. Everything my aunt and uncle taught me in the few years I was allowed to stay with them. now I can appear ... normal. It's a fancy trick I learned. But still I can feel myself changing from time to time and have to wonder how no one has seen - How does no one see? (~~A part of me wants them to see ...~~)

When I was being poked and prodded at the hospital, I had a lot of time to think. Sometimes on the nights where I was strapped to my bed, coming off the growling high and feeling my claws retract back into fingers I would just cry. I would remember what landed me in that very bed with straps across my body. I would remember the hand. The Peacekeepers whipped me to no avail. "I don't know what happened." I would say. "I have no idea where I got it. okay!?" I would plead through tears. I begged them to believe. And they did. They all did. They all believed the pretty monster's lies.

I remember killing the girl. Remember her screams. We had been on a date sanctioned by my aunt and uncle with the intention that I could swoon some rich girl and not have to worry about money ever again - or something along those lines. But ... the moon was out. I told them I didn't want to go. I told her I had to hurry home, told her I couldn't stay, but ... She was afraid of the dark. She wanted me to walk her home. I tried to stop the transformation, but I am an animal - it's in my nature. Prey, kill, eat. Those were the only thoughts in my head. My vision turned, my claws, my teeth, my fur, my ears. It all changed. I tore her apart. Limb from limb. Ate her alive. I howled and howled and howled after I was satisfied and hidden the body somewhere - for later. I only had her hand when they found me. I cried when I finally returned to the world as a human.

I get angry sometimes and feel myself becoming that same monster. Right there in the day light. I can feel it. It happened once before, after I was released from the hospital. I saw ... well I saw someone kick a puppy. It was so innocent and small and not bothering anyone and so I grabbed the man by the throat and slammed him against the bricks of the building. I growled and became more deranged when I smelled blood - it was sputtering from his mouth ... I dropped him when the puppy yapped at my ankles. I don't know if he died or not. I just scooped up the poor creature in my arms and ran.

That's when I found Temple Studios. And as it turns out, it was perfect for me. If the doctors said I was a monster and everyone insisted on treating me like a monster, why not cage myself in with all the other monsters in this sick and twisted world? I fit in well enough. I feared anyone who was the pure kind of evil and clung to the ones that were only broken. I hid from those I feared would hit me and locked myself in at night, letting no one near me. I wouldn't let them in, no matter how much I wanted to be ... loved. Loved. I know I don't deserve it. Not after all I have done and all that I am. But I just can't help myself.

Part of me believes that of I surround myself with those that are kind-hearted and forgiving I can keep the monster under control. The other part of me is ... prepared. the monster inside believes that you are what you eat. And if I ever were to snap - well, I am closest to those who will make me a better man. But those thoughts disgust me. I only wish that everyone would listen to me. I warn them. When they get too close I mean. I tell them they should just stay away, but then I smile and I've known since forever and ever that my smile is something of a trap. Part of being a monster I guess. Have to real your prey in somehow, right? Have to have a tactic for killing?

I've always dressed in suits, always smiled politely even when I feel cold sweat running down my spine, my green eyes seem to sparkle when I look at them in the mirror, and despite trying to shave, my facial hair grows back quicker than I can cut it. I think that's the wolf's doing. My attempt at becoming the brooding, scary, bad boy type ended after the sleeves of tattoos and piercings in every possible spot. I let the holes fill in and I try to to show off the tats because the truth is, the monster inside tells me to look presentable. I don't know what gets me up every morning to do pull-ups on the door frames, but I do know that the breakfast of raw, juicy, wonderful steaks that I eat are spurred by that damn thing that I am. Good thing no one looks in my refrigerator ...

I try to be kind. Try to be gentle. Part of me believes that deep, deep down I am gentle and caring by nature. That all the smiles and good gestures are not just some trick, that it isn't all an act or some fancy smoke and mirrors trick. Part of me, somewhere deep inside my heart, is good. Truly good. But I don't know what to believe. All I know are the facts and what the experts say. "You have lycanthropy," they say, trying to tell me that I am delusional - but they didn't see the girl die did they? they don't know what it is like to be afraid all the time. They think I am crazy and I think that I am a monster and my parents ... they knew from the very beginning that I was rotten to my core. That's why they beat me and chained me up like a dog. They saw exactly who I was from the beginning.

And I guess if there ever was one word to describe me I would choose not monstrous, but afraid. I am nothing but a frightened little boy, loved by no one but craving it all the same, fearing the darkness, fearing myself, dreaming of somewhere better. I am just a frightened little boy.

Funny what we all do - what we become - when fear rules our lives.

☾ Jasper Tuttle ☽

Capitol - 26 - Temple Studios

Last Edit: Jun 22, 2014 22:31:46 GMT -5 by arx

"I run on the road, long before I dance under the lights."

arx Retired Staff 2,426 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 23, 2024 12:58:45 GMT -5 literally so gay, doing so many crimes	Jasper Tuttle // Capitol // [FIN] Jun 22, 2014 22:32:35 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by arx on Jun 22, 2014 22:32:35 GMT -5 Woo woooo bumpity bump~
	"I run on the road, long before I dance under the lights."

cass Retired Staff 4,822 POSTS last seen Oct 24, 2021 18:11:43 GMT -5	Jasper Tuttle // Capitol // [FIN] Jun 23, 2014 8:32:08 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cass on Jun 23, 2014 8:32:08 GMT -5 ur perfect k Accepted! <333