{ dwayne ward } // capitol fin

pepper. Merchant 101 POSTS Pronouns: he/him last seen Dec 12, 2017 6:17:45 GMT -5 he spoke in tongues of the divine. delicate, cryptic. dangerous.	{ dwayne ward } // capitol fin May 21, 2014 0:44:25 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by pepper. on May 21, 2014 0:44:25 GMT -5 the books and songs and cinemas, they all lied lied lied why didn't anyone tell me love is like being fucked with a *knife* dwayne ward capitol twenty-five male
	Last Edit: May 27, 2014 9:56:11 GMT -5 by pepper. { B A B Y B L U E }

pepper.
Merchant

101 POSTS

Pronouns: he/him
last seen Dec 12, 2017 6:17:45 GMT -5

he spoke in tongues of the divine. delicate, cryptic. dangerous.

{ dwayne ward } // capitol fin May 21, 2014 5:51:45 GMT -5

Post by pepper. on May 21, 2014 5:51:45 GMT -5

{ dwayne ward }

harvey newton-hayden

male

fifth of july

twenty-five

questioning

temple studios

performer

I am Ward's drawling mistake.

From the tip of my flower-crown, to the bottom of my heeled boots. Tongue clucking in that self-satisfying way, pressing against the roof of my mouth and releasing reluctantly. Before smoothing across the surface of my teeth, faultering on an especially chipped one. Pressing, ignoring the seared pain that located itself in my upper-jaw rather than the actual gum itself.

It brought me back to familiar times, with myself in block-fronted ballet shoes that bruised my toes and strained my limbs. The hurt and flaming passion that came with it. It was the good kind of pain, that told you; you were moving forward. Breaking in the blocks. Just that step closer to being able to stand on the tips of your toes.

It gave me false hope that I would be able to pursue this silly dream of mine. Flaunting talents and limbs bent to the very curve, almost as if my Father would allow such a thing. He never understood that, despite me being labelled as Feather Toes, the nails of those soft appendages were blackened. Pained in all their bent and red-rimmed glory.

Because Ballet had more to do with pain, and less to do with elegance.

~~~

I am Madeleine's unspoken hope.

When I was young, I had curls rather than a tightly gelled quiff. Eyes a startling dark blue, blue as the sky above the clouds, and the bluebells atop my fringe. Puberty didn't hit me like a tonne of bricks like I had expected it to-- oh no. I was gentle. Fragile, almost. Wafting about like a presence meant only for feeling rather than sighting. The golden boy. But, every story has a twist.

I'm an anomaly. I had a taste for frills, and would indulge on it at any given occasion. Gardening was my favourite activity and my best friends were the girls I did ballet with. We all had endured the same strict teachings, one two two, one three three. We all flocked to the same lessons on Tuesday afternoons like moths to a flame. Regardless of this, I was never bullied-- perhaps teased with pet names and such, but I didn't live out my life like deja vu pages from a freak's tale.

In a sea of faces, I could remember each one off by heart. I could recall every inch of their marble structure, moreso than my own. It isn't a surprise that I am overwhelmed in the hallways, names flooding up my auditory passage. Conor, Adam, Leila. They pop out at me with a subtle glance, slow smiles. It's involuntary when I return it. I nurtured them more than myself.

I am Dwayne's impending sickness.

~~~

Dysphoria can only be described so simply. Especially from your Father's own lips. It's just a phase. He has the audacity to accuse your own beliefs and hobbies as a phase, which they no doubt aren't. To you, Dysphoria is a lack of attachment from the outside world. Designed to turn your life inside out-- letting their accusations flow in, and your own incoherent excuses out. Until they fade into thin air, becoming non-existent.

Now? That Dsyphoria is gone. It seems ridiculous, impossible, almost. But you grew up. You finally sprouted a single brain cell magically to comprehend that life has it's ups and downs. It wasn't just one big staircase to the top. It was a slope-- it dropped you as quickly as it built you. So you built yourself, easy peasy. 'Cause you were more than a drawling cowboy, a hopeless flowerchild, a twirling ballerina. You were a damn good actor.

You could make saints out of sinners, not that it worked on yourself; trust me, you've tried before. With sleeved skin full of tattoos and watermarks, you didn't know what others expected from you. Considering they dyed their hair and skin all kinds of different freakish shades, why couldn't you indulge on inking your own? So, you strut down the sidewalk with a sense of pride-- sleeves rolled up, lips curled in a lop-sided grin that screamed; smug

~~~

Was I selfish? Wishing for a tad more of the unknown from her? With her chestnut locks and eyes that shone like jewels, breath smelling as if the wind-- what was not to love. Perhaps love wasn't how I expected to be; and if this is the case, I'd rather be done with it all together. The drama that ensues and proceeds regarldess of your protests infuriate you further, eyes glinting with irritation yet never anger. How can you blame them?

It's a failsafe, almost. To reassure yourself, the constant mantra of homophobic comments reigned your mind like a vile protector. You wouldn't call yourself a ~~whore~~. Nor a nympho. The undeniable truth of it all just reminded you day in day out; you only do this to reassure yourself of your own sexual orientation. It's a bit pathetic.

The swaying hips and rounded behinds just didn't appeal to you like they should of. Sure, maybe you could whistle flirtatiously and grow giddy over their increasing promiscuous nature, but it was too much of an effort for a woman you just didn't like that way. You respected them, no doubt, yet it still did not work in the slightest. You don't mean to hurt their feelings, it's all you can do but rub their backs and coo into their scalp when you tell them you're not ready.

But you love them all the same.

~~~

.The Ward's. A family of much renown, filled with expectations and wealth. A picture-perfect family with a single Son and Daughter, both whom which have their sibling quarrels and ordinary lives. They never saw the appeal in dying their hair odd colours, nor highlighting their skin flamboyantly-- much to their Parent's delight. It was like a ten-paged story from a Children's book, the Mother chastising her own for naive deeds, the Father arriving home without a care in the world and money in his pockets

Back then they were, honestly, perfect. Immaculate to a degree, gathering finesse in the Arts of Drama and History. Prowess in knowledge rather than learning how to survive the simpleton way. With money, came spending-- why would anyone gather dosh if they weren't allowed to blow it? Evidently, because it left families bankrupt. The Wards learnt the hard way

Dwayne had taken it personally when his Father had cut his Ballet and Drama classes. Although he could have meant the best for the boy at the time, their household's current situation just didn't have the time nor money to worry about his Dream's. Now it was all broad shoulders, stiff limbs and constantly taut muscles, yet upbeat and joyful all the same. They sent him to Temple Studios in hopes of two things

Wealth, no doubt. But also for the scared little man to find himself. Once and for all.

He would do just that.

moth

x

major wip
ps onyx is a bamf

TABLE BY TRINITY @ ADOXOGRAPHY

Last Edit: May 27, 2014 8:59:22 GMT -5 by pepper.

{ B A B Y B L U E }

pepper. Merchant 101 POSTS Pronouns: he/him last seen Dec 12, 2017 6:17:45 GMT -5 he spoke in tongues of the divine. delicate, cryptic. dangerous.	{ dwayne ward } // capitol fin May 27, 2014 9:00:32 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by pepper. on May 27, 2014 9:00:32 GMT -5 fin! it might be a tad sluggish, I finished it at around 12 AM. ;; If there's any concerns, please share them.
	{ B A B Y B L U E }

Python Head Librarian 4,515 POSTS Pronouns: She/Her last seen Apr 27, 2024 2:39:37 GMT -5	{ dwayne ward } // capitol fin May 27, 2014 16:33:31 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Python on May 27, 2014 16:33:31 GMT -5 Please stay forever