over the sidewalks // open

Today is one of those particularly hot spring days. The ones that signify that summer is around the corner. The ones where Xier and Zier can throw off their shirts to dive in the pond around our house. The ones where I’m still stuck inside.

The unsteady wind of our old fan barely makes the heat any better. Kicking my feet up on the windowsill, I roll my head back against the chair. Dad has taken my brothers somewhere to swim, so Mum and I have to stay home.

“Yier, how are you feeling?” she shouts from another room. It’s a common question around here. Yier, are you okay? Yier, are you feeling fine? Yier, do you feel dizzy? I get annoyed at this, but I bite my tongue. The words that roll off my tongue are almost on autopilot. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Whenever someone asks if I’m alright, it’s a yeah, I’m fine. I want to get angry and yell and tell her that I’m not a baby, that I don’t have to be treated like this.

But I don't.

“Mum, can I go outside?” I ask. I almost know the answer is no. It’s always no. Mum pauses for a second.

“Are you sure?” she says. And I almost jump out of my lazy position and hop around in giddiness. She might as well have to watch over me, but it’s an improvement.

“I’m sure! Please, Mum, can I go?” I ask.

“Be careful. Stay in the neighborhood, or you’ll get kidnapped because you look so weak,” says Mum. “And be back in thirty minutes.”

My face lights up, ignoring the insult, and I almost run out the door. Almost. Mum doesn’t let me run inside. Expecting to see her shadow behind me to supervise, I’m surprised. Mum is still sitting in her seat, reading a book. Fingers fiddling to unlock the door, I slip on my shoes. “Thank you!” I shout after I’ve reached the outdoors. Mum nods. Whenever I go outside alone, it’s in the early morning, sneaking out the door before sunrise. I don’t think Mum’s found out yet, but Xier knows.

I stroll down the sidewalk, feeling somewhat like a normal kid. Walking by himself, just wandering. It feels great to be free from the house, even if it’s just for thirty minutes. My feet carry me around the block, and I'm so happy, I even greet people. 

And then this rock has to come over and trip me. 

It’s definitely me who has tripped over the rock, but I’ll put the blame on it. Because right now I’m down on the ground, hands and elbows skidding on the burning sidewalk. Pain sears through my knee, and I bite the inside of my mouth. I’ve always had a terrible pain tolerance. Even if this is just probably a scrape.

At least Xier or Zier aren’t here to laugh their asses off.