Morganne Garner{District 10}FIN

There's no where to run, no where to go. 

The thick black smoke completely obscures my vision, I can barely see five feet in front of me. The only other thing visible are the flames lapping at the walls of the barn, threatening to engulf the whole thing. I search frantically for a way to my parents, a way out, but I have no idea where to start. I stumble blindly along, trying to find an exit or my parents, attempting to stay as far away from the flames as possible. Objects keep scraping my legs and arms, and my head seems to find every single low beam possible. I wince as I trip on something laying on the ground, my hands find the floor just seconds before my face does. I painfully pick myself up off the ground and force myself to keep going, determined not to get stuck in her. I continue to walk forward and feel my body collide with a solid piece of wall. I feel around, still unable to tell where I am, and determine that I'm at one of the horse's pens. I take a moment and listen. Silence. Either my parents have been here and saved the horse, or it's already dead.

* * *

The hot summer breeze blew through the open window in my room, causing the sweat that was already on my face to multiply, and slide it's way off. I took the back of my hand and wiped the remainder of the smelly liquid off. I flip the page in my book, deeply submerged in the reading, it was one of my favorite stories. We may not own many books, but this one was one of my favorites.I finally made it to the next chapter when I hear it. The sound of lightening and the splintering of wood not too far off. My head quickly snapped up, and I practically threw myself off the bed, the book flying with me. I took a moment, and set it nicely back on the bed, so not to ruin any of the pages. I began to sprint down the hall, the sound of my boots clicking the whole way, I could even hear my father yelling at my sister from down the hall. I came to a halt at the living room just to see my whole family gathered around looking worried. The expressions plastered across their faces told me that in no way whatever was happening was good.

"What's going on?" I ask, my own face mimicking theirs, but as soon as I spoke a loud crack of thunder filled the room, engulfing my voice completely. Repetition wasn't required, they all knew what I was asking. I watch as their eyes all flicker towards each other and then simultaneously all look out the window. My eyes follow theirs and a gasp escapes my mouth as I see what they are staring at. Across the field, their was a little light flickering in the night. It wasn't just a light, it was flames atop our barn, waiting patiently to grow and cover the whole thing. In a matter of seconds the dance of flames became larger, and I knew we didn't have much time. I wasn't given a chance to speak again before Mom was shoving a hat in my face. "You're coming with us Morganne," she said as she put on her boots. I nodded silently, terrified of what was going to happen. Everything's kind of blurry now, I'm trying to repress the bad thoughts but they keep coming back. "What?!" my sister's enraged voice snaps me out of my trance. "How come Morg gets to go?" Here we go again, this fight for probably the 20th time this month. She loves to lash out and contradict people, I prefer to listen to orders and take things as they are. It makes my life and others much easier.

The argument continues and the answers are exactly the same as they were last week when they had this discussion. When was she going to grow up? Sometimes her arrogance was just unbearable. I can't stand it on anyone. I think it's just an ugly trait. I put up with hers though, she is related to me after all, but at times I think she gets out of control. My parents must have gotten fed up with her whining because they're already on their way out the door. I'm about to follow them when I notice how upset Marisela actually is. I sigh a little and turn back to face her, I needed to do something to comfort her, especially if this was the last time I was going to see her. My palms begin to moisten and dark thoughts swirl through my mind. There's nothing I really fear and even if I do I'm good at hiding it, but not this time. I was terrified. "C'mon Mars, do it for me," My voice is hushed to keep it from shaking. I watch as she doesn't respond and just closes her eyes. I'm already at the door and following after my parents before she has a chance to open them again.

* * *

The smoke is getting thicker and it's beginning to consume me, both inside and out. The acrid smelling stuff fills my nostrils and travels into my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. I try breathing less often, hoping to limit the toxic gasses from entering, but it doesn't help. It might even be making it worse. I begin to cough, they're hard and rough sounding, and I know my time is running out. Once again I try to find my way out, using the stables as my guide. It's becoming harder to go on and my coughing is becoming more consistent. Each breath is a struggle, the twinge in my lungs when I inhale is becoming unbearable. I force myself to keep going, there's too much left behind if I stop. There's still no clear way out, but I take my best guess and move forward. Just when I'm feeling confident my foot catches on something and I fall to the ground, this time I am unable to catch myself in time. I lay there for what seems like hours, willing myself to get up again. I finally manage to get myself onto my hands and knees, but then the coughs start racking my body. They're obnoxious and everyone hurts more than the last. "Mom? Dad?" I call out in between coughs. My voice is scratchy and dry and probably inaudible. I wait a moment for a reply, but there's nothing. The panic starts to set in. This was it, this is where I'm going to die. My short life was coming to an end, and I barely had any time to live. 

My body starts to convulse, attempting to rid itself of the toxic fumes. All that manages to come up is a clear liquid, stinging my throat all the way up. I've just about given up, I never thought I'd die like this, but it seems that's the way it's meant to be. I'm just about to lay down, knowing that the end is near, when I hear a voice somewhere in the endless darkness. "Morganne! Where are you?" the sound of my mom's voice echoes through out the barn. I quickly pick my head up. Maybe this wasn't the end, maybe I have a chance to be saved. I try to force myself to my feet, but apparently to quickly because everything begins to spin around. I have to wait moment for my vision to refocus before I speak again. "I'm over here," I force myself to say as loud as I can, my throat still scratching. My mom's rushing footsteps make themselves toward me. The next thing I know her shoulder is under my arm and she's practically dragging me out of the barn. "Hang in there Morg," is the last thing I hear before I black out.

When I finally come to I'm about 20 yards from the barn with the figure of my mother looming over me. I can tell by the expression on her face that she was very nervous, maybe I was out way longer than I thought. She slowly helps me to my feet, without saying a word. As soon as I'm upright again my body tries to rid itself of the poisonous gases once more. The moment I was finished vomiting my mom set off again towards the barn again without another. I followed after her slowly, still trying to get my bearings straight. "Where are you going?" I ask while trying to keep pace with her. "To find your father," she said without turning around. Her voice was monotone, I could tell she was trying to hide her fear. I force my legs to move me along faster so I could catch up to her. My soot covered hands wrap themselves against her tanned skip. She finally turns to face me and I look her straight in the eyes. "It's too dangerous," I say sternly. It's a slightly terrifying because I sound just like she would. "I have to," she whispers. My grip on her arm loosens because in that moment she looks as if she's eighteen again, desperate to get back to her lover, and I know that this is what she must do. I watch on silently as she walks away from me and back towards the flickering light that used to be our barn.

* * *

Time alludes me as I pace the hard ground, waiting for my mother and father to return. It could have been hours, minutes, seconds. All I know is that they're running out of time. The structure of the barn is weakening, and the whole thing will come crashing down around it. They just have to come out. They just have to. I close my eyes shut tight, praying that when I open them both of my parents will be standing in front. I've never been much of a prayer, but I'm desperate and at a loss of what to do. I graciously end my prayer and open my eyes. I look around, but there's still nothing in front of me except the ignited barn. I kick the ground hard. Isn't Ripred supposed to answer my prayers? I always knew he was good for nothing, someone made up to give us hope. There was no hope though, I just had to believe they'd come back. 

I try closing my eyes again, I know this time they'll be standing in front of me. The thoughts cross my mind that they won't return, but I immediately dismiss them. Then the thing I had been dreading the most begins to happen. The sound of splintering wood fills my ears. It seems so loud in the silence, I'm almost positive they can hear it three ranches away. I have to force my eyes open, they're practically glued shut, too terrified to see what was happening in front of me. I watch as the barn caves in on itself slowly, piece by piece. The whole thing crashes down in a matter of minutes, nothing left but a ton of charred wood in a heap. I wait for my parents to come out of the dust, to hold me and to tell me that everything is going to be alright, but they never do. They're gone, just like everything else we own. My eyes start to water and the tears silently roll down my face as the rain begins to fall. It's a harsh, unforgiving rain, and it puts out the remainder of the fire in seconds. The droplets chill be to the bone and it makes the leftover ash stick to my body even more, making some sort of paste. All the dried dirt on my body turns into mud, making me even grimier then I was before. I begin the walk back to the house, unsure of how I'm going to break the news to my sister.

* * *

In the short walk from the barn to the house I became completely soaked. My clothes were glued to my body and my hair was a matted mess. There was dirt in the most remote places on my body and I have no I idea how it got there. I need to get rid of all the grime covering my body, and hopefully the memories of tonight would wash away with it. I stand outside the door to the house, trying to collect myself and my thoughts. There was no easy way to break the news to Marisela and I was never good with words. I inhale deeply one last time to cleanse my lungs of the toxins and open the door. The slow creaking must have alerted her of my arrival, but if she noticed she said nothing. The house was eerily silent, it seemed as nothing inside was alive, not even myself. My eyes quickly glance around the living room, searching for her, but she's not there. Panic starts to set in as I think of all the stupid things she could have done, which isn't unusual for her. "Marisela," I call out, my voice rising as I become more panic stricken. "Mar-bar where are you?"

My voice echoes through the house. She doesn't reply right away and my tears threaten to spill over. The impossible is happening, I was going to be alone. "I'm in here," comes a quiet voice from my mother's room. I could tell she was nervous. She was quiet and Marisela was never quiet. I walk towards the room, the aged floor boards squeaking loudly every time I take a step. Before I know it I'm in the door frame, heaving a sigh of relief when I see my sister standing there without a scratch on her body. Hopefully she wouldn't see through my facade, it was too early to give her the news. I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe, even if it was only for a moment. A huge smile spread across her face. No, don't smile. It isn't a time for smiling. "Morg," she says happily and walks towards me with her arms outstretched. I hesitantly return the hug, still uncertain of how I was going to tell her everything that happened. But I do because right now she needs all the comfort she can get.

I notice a girl in Mom's mirror behind Mars. She was straggly and beaten up with scratches and ash covering her body. I stare at her for a few moments before I realized it was me. The girl in the mirror was me, some form of myself that I have never seen before, someone who looks nothing like me. Every inch of my skin was either covered in dirt or blood, and my hair was a knotted mess. My face was streaked with mud, making my normally pale complexion look almost tan. Unfortunately, my face looked as masculine as ever with my unusually square jaw and my nose that was too large for my face. Mom always said I looked more like my father, I never believed her until now. My forehead was still too big too, no amount of dirt would cover that up. My hair which was normally dirty blonde looked almost black with the amount of soot that was in it. The only thing that was remotely the same were my eyes. They were still the piercing  light blue that they always were. I stare at myself more, trying to figure out what part of my body the blood was from. I can't figure it out and I end up burying my head in my sister's shoulder. I am not capable of looking at this stranger anymore. 

Marisela lets the hug continue for a few more seconds before pulling away. "Mom and Dad?" she asks. The moment I had been dreading finally arrived and I still did not know what to tell her. I looked up at her slowly and said nothing. The tears begin to well up in my eyes, not only grieving for the loss of our parents, but because I had no idea how to tell her. There were no words that I could come up with that would make this better, nothing that I could say to make this all go away. It killed me inside. I was her big sister, I was supposed to comfort her in situations like these. Apparently she didn't need any words though. She knew exactly what my tears meant. I felt as if I was falling, as if the world was crashing down around me. Marisela grabbed onto my shoulders and steadied me. "We'll get through this, I promise," she said in a voice that made her sound so much like Mom. I nodded slightly and then the sobs began to rack my body, I couldn't keep it inside any longer. The life that I had known and loved is changing, and it terrified me. She brought me over to the bed and held me as I cried for hours. She didn't cry though, she didn't shed one single tear. Maybe she's stronger than I give her credit for.

* * *

We did get through it eventually. I was about two months away from turning eighteen so all we had to do was keep the fact that our parents were dead until the ranch could be signed over to my name. It's a lot harder than you probably think, every time someone would ask for one of them we would have to come up with an excuse, it became harder and harder to avoid the subject as time continued. Finally came the day when I turned 18 and was able to put the ranch under my name. Thankfully my parents were able to save a horse, two cows, and a few chickens before they died so we were still able to make a living and put food in our mouths. It's been hard though, not having parents, we have to do so much more just to get by. The way Marisela has had to grow up in such a short amount of time kills me inside, I've always wanted her to keep her innocence, it's what made her, her. I'm forced to treat her like an adult now. She's seen to much to ever be considered a child. It's helped me in some ways though. It helped me realize that I don't always have to put up a guard, sometimes I'm allowed to be human.

* * *

It's been almost a year since they've been gone. I'd like to say things have gotten easier, but I can't. My sister has changed so much due to everything that has happened to us, but I'm practically the same. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It seems as if my protective instinct has only intensified. Even though Mars has become more responsible than I'd ever thought she'd be, she still worries me. Nobody ever says anything to her when she does something reckless, the tone pities her. The only thing she accomplishes is making me more worried about her than I normally am. I've lost so much already, I can't stand the idea of losing her too. Ever since she saw me cry that night, she knows that I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. I hate myself for that, it's like she doesn't believe in me as much as she used to. I promised myself that I wouldn't ever let her see me break down again, never let her see me be weak, but the tears still come at night. Sometimes I swear she could hear me and there's night where I think she stands outside my door and debates on if she should come in, but she never does. She must think better of it. We all have out secrets, our skeletons in the closet, that we never want anyone to find out. I've never forgiven myself for taking away her youth, and one day I plan on repaying her.



Codeword: Odair