Blood is the game (open)

The last couple of days has been a mess. I had no idea you could feel like a missfit around all of these morons, but you certainly can. They seemed to be making friends, getting alone and scaring the crap out of me together. I haven't made a single friend, not really that I wanted one. The issue I was adressing was more of the fact that I would never make an alliance, I'm not especially nice and on top of that, I may be the least scary person in the entire Capitol of Panem. I'm not fooling anyone, and as fast as we get into that arena these scary kids are going to put their teeth in me. Honestly, not all of them are frightning, but that doesn't make me any scarier. They travel in packs, which makes it even more uncomfortable. I just been waiting for some random kid to come threaten my life, not in the geeky ‘im in highschool and I think I’m thug’-way, no the real one. Any of these children may will probably be my killer.

I spent my hours here in the capitol trying to stuff my stomach as much as possible. I was hoping to gain some weight for the arena, if I have to die, I prefer that it wouldn’t be due to starvation. It turns out gaining weight is a lot harder than I thought. I been eating until I’m close to vomiting, many times a day and still I barely gained a pound. The food here is wonderful though, so I keep to myself and eat a lot. That’s pathetic right? My last hours before entering the arena I’m most likely going to die in, I spend eating alone.

I miss my family, my dear siblings, even my mother, but most of all I miss her. The funniest thing is that she is the only one who could comfort me, who could get me through this, but she's not here. I'm happy for that, but it still hurts that I'll probably never see her again.

I'm dressed in a ugly suit of some sort. I guess it's pretty in the capitolists eyes. I don't understand what is wrong with those capitolists, but it's like they are all a little bit underdeveloped. They talk about completely unnecessary things all the time, like my leg hair or the fact that i am 'as skinny as a stick' which they give the impression of being something positive. I thought I met shallow people eariler in my life - but never. They treat me like a little doll and talk over my head as if I don't understand what they are saying. Before, I always thought the Tribute parade was kind of beautiful, I never agreed with the concept but I still thought the tributes looked magnificent. I feel like a clumsy elephant in high heels, I walk like one to. Make up makes me look like a real doll, and I hate it. Their clothes don't fit because they are all so small and even uglier than they are uncomfortable.

As I was walking down to the training, I thought about all the things I hated about this place. That is most of it. Not the food, but the rest. As I entered the training I saw a young girl, brown haired. I saw her before, May I think. I don't know which District though. She was alone,without a pack of scary kids. Okey, I had one chance, I had to make a friend. At least one. I walked towards her, hiding my insecurity surprisingly well. This second I'm happy I've been forced to lie about everythig my entire life, it made me such a great actress. As I presued her, I smiled friendly. Not to friendly though, I don't want to seem weak. "Hey" Oh my god. Was that all I had to come with? I had to continue the sentence. "You want to do some close combat training? I need someone to train with" Ah, wow Eira, that was such a neat rescue. You didn't make a fool out of yourself, i told myself in my head. I would have petted myself on the shoulder and done a little dance, if I weren't surrounded by people who wanted to kill me.

She wasn't rude at all that May girl. That seemed promising, the least to say. I just nodded at her response when she accepted my proposal. I had to think for a moment, because I honestly didn't know where to start. May looked a lot stronger than me, she probably was. I didn't want to get into close combat, because I knew I would never succeed. Yet I had to have some practise, and this was my only shot at that. It was either now or never. I could practise some bow shooting or knife throwing on my own, but I needed to make a friend aswell as train. She was about my size, and I had no idea whether she was as lost as me in all of that training thing. 

I did a good guess, because her name was actually May. From District 9. Good for her, the last years winner was from her district. She had probably recieved some lethal advice from him. I caugt myself with actually trying to figure out if this girl would kill me or not, but I decided not to think about it any further. "I'm Eira Craft" I told her, a bit uncomfortable. "I'm from twelve" She probably knew what that meant, that I'm not a threat I mean. We had some winners actually, I guess us twelves are more lethal than you would have thought. I guess I'm not one of those kids, but I might aswell try. Maybe I had a shot, after all. 

"Lets do some training without weapons first." I propsed. Most likely, I was just about to get embarrassed and laughed at by all careers. Did it really matter? It wasn't like they would ever consider making a alliance with a skinny little girl from twelve anyways. I didn't have any chances to spoil, so I might aswell. What worried me was if some other lower district kid had considered me, maybe even May. They would see my weaknesses if I let them.