Ghost of my {soul} |Lulianna one-shot|

Time doesn't change the feeling living inside my heart every single day that passes by. The pain of losing Mizar will never change. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Her last moments of life haunt me as she's torn to pieces by an ally- someone she thought she could trust. He got what he deserved. Her screams as the axe kissed her over and over again. Her shouts of anger as she fought back, as she begged for the help of her other ally, but he couldn't do anything. The Capitol trapped him, in plants, but he was stuck. Part of me wonders if he would have helped Mizar or the fool that betrayed her, but it's a question that will never be answered. I shouldn't think of it so much, but it's hard because my sister is dead. My lovely sister has passed on, and she'll never walk the earth again. She was murdered for comedy, and it's disgusting.

It's been a year since she volunteered for the games, since she ran away from home for the last time. I know it's what she wanted, but this has been the hardest year of my life. It's like she never thought about what volunteering for the games would do to me, or the rest of the family. Truth be told, I don't think she cared. She wanted to escape the chains my parents through upon her. They held her to such high standards as they wanted her to train for the games, but she never wanted to. She didn't want to be the murderer my parents expected her to be. They want me to train for murder, but I refuse because it only ended in the death of Mizar. She ran away from them because they hated her. They put her down, and now they put me down. The weight of the words they shout at me shatters my heart every single day. It's no wonder she volunteered for the games. She wanted to be set free, and it finally happened.

Life has only gotten worse since Mizar left. My parents are always fighting. Tension is raising high throughout the house. I hate them. It would be nice watching them go into the games where they would die. In fact, I would be cheering at their death because it would set me free from their chains. Maybe one day I'll be as strong as Mizar was and volunteer for the games, but it's hard. Placing myself upon the stage at my own will would leave Drae with nobody except people who hate him, and I can't do that. He can only handle so much before he collapses under the weight of their fist. All they want is to build us up so they can watch us collapse under the pressure. My fragile bones cracked a long time ago; it's a miracle I'm still standing. Watching them go on with life like nothing is wrong destroys me. They don't care that she's dead; they are happy. One day, I will make sure they pay for it.

My feet kick the sand while looking for seashells. She took one into the arena with her, and they mean the world to me. Collecting them to set near her grave is honoring her. Not a single person in the world cares she's gone; she'll be forgotten by everyone except me. She left, and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye, but it's too late now. The sun shines high in the sky beaming down upon me. It's a beautiful day out - Mizar would always be outside at the beach in this weather. Birds hum a tune high in the sky. Water forms in my eyes threatening to run down my face. My heart races under my chest as an invisible hand wraps around my neck making it hard to breathe. The muscles inside my stomach twist as loud sobs escape filling the air around me; even the birds stop singing.

I lean forward wrapping my tiny fingers around a beautiful blue and white seashell similar to the one she was holding as she died. Tears pour down my face as my eyes fix upon the waves crashing down upon the sandy shore. I remember when I was younger we, Mizar and myself, would sit here for hours watching the waves crash down upon the beach while Muscinda was training for the games. After Muscinda committed suicide, Mizar stopped coming here on a regular basis, and when she came, she wanted to be alone; they were twins after all. Knowing they are reunited brings a small smile to my face, but it doesn't take the pain away because they both are gone. Both were selfish not realizing what it would what their death would do to us. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and I hate myself for it.I miss you both so bad.

The walk to the cemetery feels like it takes forever, but it really doesn't take that long. Tears continue pouring down my face as I grip the seashell in my hand. Sometimes I wonder where they are, or if they are just gone. Is there an afterlife? Is there a place where the deceased roam free? Death is just the end of creation as they fall asleep forever with no place to go. Life has to a place for the dead, but does it really exist? It'll never be known as long as I'm living because my feet travel the earth even though I'm alone now. You left me, Mizar. You left me. You left me alone. I raise the seashell in front of my eyes while taking my other hand to wipe the tears away. "Be strong, Lulianna." Her voice rings through my head. She's always been with me, she'll always be with me. "Be strong, Lulianna."