she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz}

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she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz} Sept 23, 2014 20:16:19 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2014 20:16:19 GMT -5

shelby {♔} leviane

I tried to count the stars once.

It was when I would still stay up with Cha into the early hours of morning, content to hide from the dark if it meant being nearer to her side, back in the times when I believed my sister still had light and love to give. I had pointed at each star with a declarative finger counting up until thirty-seven, at which point I declared that it was simply impossible.

She had laughed.

I hadn’t heard that laugh since.

And it was those thoughts, the ones that left a sense of positivity lingering on the tip of my tongue that failed to come to me now, as I climbed the stone steps of the justice building. I wouldn’t only miss the presence of my fleeting sister at its highest moments, no, I would lose it all together.

It would be like day without night to come, like a sense of adrenaline pumped involuntarily through veins that only wanted a break, and I could already begin to feel my own weight crumbling beneath my quaking legs. But they can’t give way, not now, for my sister’s been gone two times over and in these last moments the worst thing that could happen was that we would both fall apart.

We all broke, in time, just as the flowers die and soil erodes away, and yet I had believed that we could both hold on for just a moment longer, when the truth was that we were already gone.

No sun nor stars nor moon could save us now, but maybe we didn’t want them to.

There’s a pause between the time I push the door open and when I make eye contact with my sister, and it’s that time of silence that speaks louder than anything I’m about to say, eyes locked on each other rather than the sky above, and when there’s nothing left but empty space, there’s simply not much to say.

“Don’t lose yourself out there in the big, wide world, my dear Cha Leviane.”

Last Edit: Sept 23, 2014 20:17:04 GMT -5 by Deleted

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she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz} Sept 24, 2014 22:23:57 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 22:23:57 GMT -5

C H A ☾ L E V I A N E

"To tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall"
_____________________________

She sits, fingers laced together and thrown in her lap, legs pinched close and eyes settled on something in the corner of the room.

They ushered her into the room, put white knuckles on her shoulder and led, forced her into a room like a caged animal, with dust clinging to the walls and the faces of tributes long gone dulled to the point of not being recognizable. Not that she would have recognized them anyways, because she'd been too caught up in the moon and the stars that, in order to imprint a face into her memory it'd have to be printed onto the moon's pearl white surface itself.

They gave her a single cup of water, and a couch. A window, too, but she never did like windows. They were too open, too filled with the rays of sun, burning through eyelids and warming up skin that was never meant to be warmed. She wanted the hammock from behind her house back, instead of the stiff wooded couch they had provided for her. She wasn't comfortable, she wasn't happy and she sure as hell did not like it here.

But then again, when one becomes an animal to be shipped off for slaughter, it's hard to love a lot of things.

She still couldn't comprehend what she'd done, and the two simple words that she'd muttered in that crowd still lingered on her tongue, burning a bitter taste into her tastebuds that no amount of dingy water could get rid of. And so she sat, rigid, stiff, unmoving and eyes fixated on the cup in front of her, seeing how many vibrations she could send through the small glass with each tap of her foot. She knows it's impossible to count, because she'd once watched Shelby try and count the stars and fail, but it was not in Cha Leviane's stardust hardwiring to simply give up. No, she hasn't yet, and she never will.

Tap, tap, tap.

I volunteer, funny how such a simple, small thing can create so many vibrations.

The door swings open, and like a fish caught on a hook she is pulled, ripped from her watery, vibrating reality. It's awkward, the eye contact made with Shelby Leviane, the sister that she'd never truly figured out, the one she'd never get to figure out.

“Don’t lose yourself out there in the big, wide world, my dear Cha Leviane.”

But what big wide world was Shelby talking about? Certainly, a dust filled room and a glass of water were not part of this big wide world, and she had severe doubts as to whether an arena with murderers was any bigger than her world here, either.

She can't help but notice that Shelby opening the door sends even more ripples through the glass cup in front of her, mocking her.

Her eyes dart like a jaguar, back and forth back and forth between the cup and Shelby, trying to decide which one was more important in her absent-memory, nightmare life.

She chooses her sister, but not without glances at the cup.

"But sis, how is it possible to lose myself when I was never found in the first place?"

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Last Edit: Sept 24, 2014 22:26:20 GMT -5 by Deleted

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she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz} Sept 25, 2014 21:50:52 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 21:50:52 GMT -5

shelby {☼} leviane

What we do never affects only ourselves.

No, each choice made, whether for wrong or right, would change not only the universe that existed directly around us but that which existed on a scale larger than we could ever imagine. Cha Leviane had indeed affected both, and neither were for the greater good.

I had seen her mouth that she was sorry (and I thought long and hard on who it was aimed at, eventually coming upon myself as the conclusion), but I never believed it, for that was not something she was capable of feeling in an authentic form.

“But sis, how is it possible to lose myself when I was never found in the first place?”

(Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, foolish sister of mine.)

Her words were steady, unlike her focus which flickered between my own presence and something trivial, which was typical of Cha Leviane. No space between us would drive my point across, and so I walk across until I’m standing directly in front of the chair in which she sits, bringing myself down to my knees in order to both place my hands on her frail shoulders and look further into her eyes than I ever had managed before.

“Don’t break my gaze for once Cha,” and yet somewhere between the moon and stars and the time in between I had failed to see that monsters didn’t only live under our beds, but in the hearts of those we loved as well, and I saw this now, looking into the dark, troubled eyes of Cha Leviane, “because whatever you’re looking for, and granted I still can’t manage to figure it out—it’s not there. There is nothing out there that will grant you closure, and I hope you come to realize this before you go to walk among the stars you’ve so admired.”

Last Edit: Oct 13, 2014 22:33:44 GMT -5 by Deleted

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she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz} Sept 26, 2014 19:54:24 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2014 19:54:24 GMT -5

C H A ☾ L E V I A N E

"To tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall"
_____________________________

There's an obvious challenge in both the fact that Shelby has blocked out the cup in front of her and the fact that Shelby has forced the bullet-esque gaze she possessed into her line of view. And, besides the simple cold, dark glances that Cha Leviane would make at her sister, eye contact was not a normal household occurrence. And she doesn't know what to make of it, because her minds flitting at a thousand thoughts per minute about what she's gonna do or how she's gonna respond and-

"Don't break my gaze for once, Cha."

Ok, sis. But no promises, because your gaze is already broken beyond repair.

And that's when she zones out, eyes glazing over with anxiety and nerves and the starry twinkle of her irises wiped out like Shelby's hopes for a future. Words, words, mumbled words and desperate tones, that's all her sister can do at this point. Because there's no stopping Cha Leviane, with her windswept hair and stenciled in bags under her eyes, with her star map of a mind, wrapped in the light of the moon and swept with the wind of the forest at night.

Shelby Leviane never knew just what it was that made Cha tick, made her gears turn and her mind work. She assumed the moon, because paired with her sun kissed head of hair and tanned skin was Cha's pale tones and moon driven antics. But it was more than that, it was more than just that white orb in the sky or the twinkling lights surrounding it. It was so much more, so much more that not even she herself could describe it, because it was impossible for her to describe something that was laced into every fiber of her being, simply there.

She doesn't admire the stars, she absorbs them.

She wasn't looking for closure, she was looking for herself.

But not in a literal sense, because one glance into a mirror would provide that. No, that was just a pile of skin and bones, she was looking for herself, the pain, the knowledge the insight the memories.

The memories.

"I'm not looking for closure Shelby, i'm looking for myself."

She picks up the water brimmed class behind her sister, admiring the water in it before raising it to her lips and taking one short, tiny sip.

Her hands tremble a little as she puts it back down, a few spared drops of water sloshing over the side.

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she says the saddest things {pogue/jb!blitz} Sept 27, 2014 20:42:49 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2014 20:42:49 GMT -5

shelby {☼} leviane

“I’m not looking for closure, Shelby, I’m looking for myself.”

(Then there’s nothing for you to find, my dear sister, for you’ve been empty longer than I can recall.)

She told stories, the ones that began with once upon a time and ended with happily ever after when the truth was that this was never the case, for the world in which we walked and existed did not know happy endings of any sort. These stories consisted of those that traveled long and far, searching for whatever aspect of their lives that they were missing. For some it was purpose and others it was joy, but it was always consistent that whatever they were lacking always magically dropped from the sky above and fell at their lowly feet.

Once upon a time, I had a sister who lingered over the edge of the world, and at her feet stood barren hopes and above her head a sky full of stars, yet neither ever fulfilled her wishes upon shooting stars. Her mind caught on inconsistency, a falling leaf or a drop of water misplaced from its glass, and it left her transparent. If I looked through her, I would see only a beating heart with no mind to control it, and I suppose for this reason we said that just because one was breathing didn’t necessarily specify that one was actually alive, and if this reasoning was true, Cha Leviane had been dead for a very long time indeed.

For there was no map to her heart or mind, not like the map of the stars pressed against the palm of my hand, and though I had brought in hopes of handing it off as a reminder of the world she loved, it suddenly became hard to part with, for if I couldn’t keep track of the world I loved (which only involved her hiding me from the shadows in which she stood firmly), so why should she be granted the same privilege?

“Don’t unfold this until I’m gone, do you—”

But she wasn’t listening. Her focus was still flitting, as if a glass of water was more important than the last moments we would share, and so without thinking of the ripples I’d send through the water of my sister’s mind I extend a trembling hand and knock the glass from the table in one quick motion, listening to the clatter of the cup upon the floor and feeling the chill of water splashing against my ankle.

Once upon a time I had a sister, but I couldn’t say this for long, for I suppose if you think about it she was already gone.