discovery {Teva/Tate blitz}

The long short of it is: parties fucking suck. Especially parties full of stupid, drunk assholes and people trying to take advantage of said, stupid drunk assholes. They were decent enough when I could at least find someone to make out with but not I'm kind of stuck sitting on the couch with my legs sprawled over all three cushions so I don't have a repeat of some couple not noticing there was another fucking person sitting on the goddamn seat. I'm bored out of my mind, and I guess parties like this aren't something to enjoy sober but I've never been drunk in my life and that's not changing any time soon. "Yo, Barrel you wanna come dance?" a rather pretty, young girl drawls, pulling at my hands. Her name was Lilac or something of the short. One of the best I'd ever seen with a knife and a violent drunk. I was absolutely not coming within an inch of her. 

Luckily an escape in the form of my brother provided itself and I jumped on it instantly. "Actually Trigger just asked to see me outside, sorry Lilac." I give her a half-hearted hug, happy that I didn't have to stick around after rejecting her. "Oh thank fuck I'm out of there." the words escape me in a breathy laugh and I lean next to Teva running my hands along my face. "What brings you out here?" Not that I mind, as he most likely got me out of dancing with a drunk, volatile girl with at least three knives on her. 

Nope, I didn't mind at all. 

"When don't you?" I jest, giving him a grin and cracking my fingers anxiously. "You know Lilac? The one that nearly gutted our boys that one time? Can we actually just get out of here?" There's an upset scream from inside and I give him a shrug. I didn't think that was my fault anyway. "I dunno, Teva, these things just aren't fun anymore." They're loud and obnoxious and they give me a headache. Not that I liked them to begin with but they'd become unbearable in the passing months. 

I start pacing, anxious to get home although I'm not the least bit tired. Three cans of soda to stop assholes asking if they could get you a beer has kept me wide awake and I don't like it at all. So much wasted energy. I might as well just get to work right now but I know that I won't. "You wanna head home Teva? Or quite literally anywhere but here?" I give him one last grin before continuing my pacing.

A grin creeps onto my lips and I nod at his words. "I don't even know why we keep Bouncer around honestly. I'd gut him myself if he weren't so damn hilarious." I stick out my tongue and throw my arm around his shoulder. "Home it is then, just giving the option in case you wanted to do something else." I shrug, unfazed by Teva's ever-present attitude. As much as we get into it at home, he's still my brother and I know he means well most times. 

The trek home is a familiar one. These are our streets and I know 'em like the back of my hand. A right here, a left there maybe take a short cut through some old ally; I'm not afraid. It's only our boys around here anyway. "Seems like you were pretty popular tonight, anyway." biting the inside of my cheek to stem a grin I simply raise my eyebrows. My brother isn't bad looking (I would certainly hope not) but I don't think I've ever seen him do anything romantic. Or sexual. Or anything that involved closeness with another person. Ever. 

"Ah. maybe you're just too cute.' I snicker, patting his shoulder in faux-comfort. "They never bother me so much apart from some assholes trying to make out on top of me." I curl my lips, making the best disgusted face I could. It wasn't hard as the smell of alcohol still lingers within my nostrils. It's still weird to be home again, after being away for so long. It's natural though, coming home and ensuring Teva and Tripp are taken care of. There's an empty space and I can't bring myself to look at. I can barely think about my little brother without feeling like someone's squeezed my heart to the point of bursting. 

So I try not to. I try to move forward and to keep smiling even when it hurts. Nemo has helped,  the kid had helped a lot but I don't even want to think about what he is to me either because that's just as confusing and heartbreaking. There's a grin forced onto my lips and I hope Teva hasn't noticed the stony silence we've plunged into. "What's so bad about it anyway? Kissing won't give you cooties." 

"Who do you want to kiss then?" I make my way into the kitchen because I'm still trying to re-organize it after my absence had left it a wreck. I've been meaning to ask Teva for a while now, not that it was my business but one wonders after seventeen years of nothing. He's always been close to Cal, and sometimes I've wondered if the two were too close but there was never anything to confirm that and besides he's been our best friend most of our life. Was there really such a thing as too close after all of this time? "I've never actually seen you with anyone Teva." 

There's still a pot of tea on the counter from this morning, kept lukewarm by the insulated metal kettle. It smells strong and slightly fruity although I often drink tea black I've been experimenting lately. (With more than just tea.) It's awful to feel happy now a days. I feel like i'm doing something wrong, that I should only be miserable in Teddy's absence. Every smile feels like a betrayal and I can't help but remember that's the reason I ran to begin with. 

Pouring the tea into a mug and holding it tightly between my palms I throw myself upon the couch, raising an eyebrow at my brother.

"It's not." I concede, taking a long drink from my mug and crossing my legs. And no, I didn't exactly want details about my brother's love life as much as I think that he wants to know about mine. "You just seem bothered about it a lot, Teva? Irritated whenever you get that kind of attention. And I'm not going to give you advice or some stupid shit, but you can tell me if you ever want to." I know i'm walking on eggshells around my brothers. Normally I'd tackle his ass and tease the shit out of him for being such a secretive asshole but I can't bring myself to try anything like that after I'd walked out.

I'm glad I was welcomed back and that things are some semblance of normal. Granted, Cal's fist was a nice wake up call (and I'm still not sure whether to hit him or thank him yet.) Family is one of the only things we've got left and I guess that- I guess I'd forgotten that. I don't want Teva or Tripp to resent me or to hide things. It's dangerous when you can't trust anyone aside from your own blood not to shove a knife between your ribs after a bad day. I want to be trusted but I don't know if I even deserve it any more.

I don't look at him for a while, simply press the mug to my lips and drink deeply. I think I know what he just said but I'm also certain what that would mean. Truly, I don't care who Teva likes or whether he's gay or not. Did he think I would? That me or Tripp or Teddy would reject him? I've never gone into detail about my love life but I'm certain I've never hid the fact I'm not entirely straight myself. I'd certainly hope not because that's just make my life about ten times more complicated. 

It's Cal, i think. The way that he looks at him. I know they got closer over my absence, hell Cal hit me for fucking up Teva's life while I was gone. Had something happened in that time? "Ah, did something happen with Cal?" my tone is quiet, barely above a whisper. I don't want to made an ass out of myself by assuming but it was the only conclusion I could draw. "You know I don't care whether you're gay or who you like, right? Have I given you reason to think differently?" There's urgency behind my voice. Teva shouldn't feel like he has to hide anything. If he does then I've most definitely done something wrong.