hold your breath | {bowers-fox blitz}

The way Cody says my name has the same effect as rubbing sandpaper on my face. I don’t understand how he can be so incompetent and so blind to not see everything in the big picture: Owen was dead, but he did not die in vain. The elder brother had died to protect someone he cared about—it was what he had wanted all along. Cody doesn’t understand that and it irritates me.

Things were happier when Owen was around. He was the barrier that kept Cody and Duncan from picking each other apart with dull blades; kind of like a sturdy wall between two crashing waves. He gave Duncan the confidence he needed and kept a damper on Cody’s horribly short fuse. He loved his siblings, and if Cody had been reaped instead, Owen would have volunteered just as quick.

Why is it so hard for that to be understood?

My anger is raging and my grip on Duncan’s hand is incredibly tight. The boy across from me keeps talking, digging his own grave, and I’m becoming the firing squad that shoots him down.

“You ungrateful bastard!” I release the hand and swiftly spring up onto the table, knocking my glass over and scattering the utensils. In a very primal way I throw myself at Cody, arms stretched out, fingers curling and closing around his soft, warm neck, and I throw my entire weight against him, knocking us both down to the ground. The force of the impact tosses me to the side and, after a very brief moment to collect myself, I twist my body around and clench a fist, slamming it down like a hammer onto his face.

”What is wrong with you?!” My hammer fist is pulled back and I chamber it for another attack; however, when I start to strike, something catches on my wrist and keeps it in place. My exploding rage is the only thing that keeps me entirely focused on the boy in front of me and not my captor. ”If you had been reaped, Owen would have volunteered for you too! Would that then make you the stupid one?” I’m fighting against the strong arms that are circling around me now, thrashing and howling angrily, scrambling to get another shot at the middle brother. ”You need to grow the fuck up, Cody Bowers-Fox; Owen didn’t die for you to treat your only remaining brother like shit! What would he say if he knew you were blaming Duncan for a decision he didn’t make?” I’m kicking out at the now-eldest brother, snarling like an angered dog. ”They were happier times before all this, but this is the current reality and you’re going to have to adjust and cherish the fact that you still have family that’s alive!”