grasp what you can {Chaske/Mystic}

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grim.
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grasp what you can {Chaske/Mystic} Feb 13, 2015 22:34:15 GMT -5

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Post by grim. on Feb 13, 2015 22:34:15 GMT -5

Mystic Trotter

I A M T I T A N I U M

It was my final night, my final night to say that I was safe. Say that I didn't have to worry about my coming death. Tomorrow I would be thrown in an arena, an arena were bloodshed is unavoidable, and oblivion was going to take over my being. I had no chance, not even to the slightest. There wasn't a person out there that had hope for me, and honestly I didn't have hope for myself. The games were made to scare us, heard us away from rebellion, and it had worked. I was terrified, who would of thought death triggered such a deep part of the human brain. Causing them to think irrationally, or in my case very rationally. I was aware that my death was near, and I was aware that there was nothing after death. I didn't believe in this almighty after life, and I wasn't going to start pretending like I did just because it was around the corner.

People are filled with hatred for each other, their minds filled with vial thoughts about one another. It was impossible for someone not to judge, based off of appearance, gender, skin color. We all were branded with an everlasting burn, since the day of our births. Mine was worthless dancer girl, and it had morphed into a dead girl walking. Though the system was screwed, it was what all of us had known, and all of us will continue grazing on the grass of our own prosperity, because that is what we were raised to do.

As I wonder out of my bed, I walk toward a broken boy, a boy that I have known for only a short time, but he was damaged beyond repair. And though I would love to say I could fix him, that would once again mean letting my being think that it was of a higher power, a larger being then the boy. And then in tern, I was only continuing to graze. I see him, standing on the balcony. He was looking over the edge, perhaps he wanted to jump, but what kind of ending would that be, nothing of the fairytale ending we all desire. Well what am I saying? None of us were going to get that kind of ending, and frankly most of us didn't deserve it.

When my foot steps over the boarder of the sliding door, my mouth fills with the desire to speak. I understand that he notices my presents, and he more then likely despised it. "Look, before you make some snarky comment about severing my head from my shoulders, let me talk, listen for a moment. I'm scared Chaske, I'm more scared then I have ever felt in my whole life. While I sat in my bed, my body trembled, spine shivered. Though I understand that you hate me, I don't hate you. You are the closest thing I have to home." my voice begins to shake. I feel my gaze finally reach his, staring at him. I see his open body, and I cant help the urge to embrace him. I press my head into his pulsing chest and I cry. "Chaske, don't tell me it will be okay, or that this is all just meaningless, because I know that within a matter of days, I will be...I will be dead. And all I want is for you to let me hold on to you, let me hold on to you for as long as I can!" I feel my burning tears, soak through his cotton shirt, and I listen to the sound of his twisted heart pulsing.

This moment was all I wanted to think about, this moment though completely meaningless, was where I wanted to stay for as long as he would let me. Tomorrow was the day I would lose the right to call myself an innocent. Tomorrow was the day I would become a murderer.

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different, and yet the same."

{CREDIT TO ANZIE}

Last Edit: Feb 13, 2015 22:34:44 GMT -5 by grim.

where my demons hide.

10th retro gm | paxton hayes
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grasp what you can {Chaske/Mystic} Feb 14, 2015 19:37:16 GMT -5

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Post by 10th retro gm | paxton hayes on Feb 14, 2015 19:37:16 GMT -5

.: CHASKE PARKS :.
{district nine : 69th tribute}

A few hours. That's all I have left. All any of us have left. Tomorrow morning when I wake up, the world will change. Innocent people will become murderers. Blood will spew across the ground painting it crimson before the bodies are taken away. The ground will claim what is rightfully their's. I don't care about the games. I don't care about them. I don't. But I don't want to die. Not like this. It was my last year. The freedom was sitting right before me. I could hold my hands out and almost grab it, but at the last second they jerked it out of reach when my name was called.

The journey to this point hasn't been an easy one. I've yelled at my district partner. I've made enemies. I've fought people before the games even began. I've danced in blood. I was rude during the interview. And I want to live, yet my death will probably happen the moment the gong sounds. The gamemakers will strike me dead as soon as they can because of how badly I insulted them. Maybe this is my freedom. The freedom I've been looking for all along. It's that thought that drew me out of bed in the night. Breathing became a challenge as the night lingered on. Sleeping wasn't an option. All I could see each time my eyes closed was my lifeless body laying on the ground.

I'm not ready to die.

My steps are quiet as I moved through the hallways heading towards a known destination. Outside. Away from the rest of the world for only a moment. My eyes shot in every direction looking around. Truthfully, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to spend my last few moments away from everyone. Colgate, my district partner, the stylists, the escorts, everyone herded me around, telling me what I can and can't do. I'm pretty sure I broke everyone of those rules the moment I walked out of the private training session landing myself with a one. Thankfully she didn't do much better - not that I care, but it's nice knowing that district nine is one of the lowest scoring districts.

Sliding the door open, I move through carefully closing it behind me. Freedom. It's all I have for right now. All that I want. For the time being it's peaceful. My ears tune out the sounds around me. A gentle breeze fills the air taking away all my worries. All the fears burning deep inside my chest. I don't know what time it is, or what I should do, but hopefully everyone was getting the amount of sleep they needed. God knows my death will happen. It's just a matter of when, and a matter of how. The killer is unknown. Maybe I'll kill someone. Dance in their blood like I've done today. A small, genuine, smile spreads across my lips, but it's cut short by the sound of the door opening behind me.

Quickly, I turn around finding myself face to face with my district partner. My eyes narrow taking her in, and I'm ready to pounce - the words formed on the top of my tongue, yet she speaks before any of them have the chance to fill the air. "Look, before you make some snarky comment about severing my head from my shoulders, let me talk, listen for a moment. I'm scared Chaske, I'm more scared then I have ever felt in my whole life. While I sat in my bed, my body trembled, spine shivered. Though I understand that you hate me, I don't hate you. You are the closest thing I have to home." I listen to her voice shaking. Knowing she's in fear brings a sense of joy into my life, but I wipe every emotion from my face.

She needs me.

Someone actually needs me.

Maybe I'm not worthless after all.

But her words catch me off guard, and I'm standing here staring at her. I don't know why I hate her so much. I don't know why I hate everyone here, but it's for the best. Hating them makes dying seem so much easier when nobody cares, and I can watch someone die and not feel bad about it. I let inhale slowly looking around trying to figure out what's going on, trying to find the words to say. She's right. She's all I have from home, and I'm all she has. Sure, Colgate is here, but he's not here. He's not standing here about to go into the games - he's survived them. And she's moving towards me and eventually her entire body is connected with mine. Her head planted against my chest. I want to push her away. To tell her to grow up and go back to sleep. To leave me alone.

"Chaske, don't tell me it will be okay, or that this is all just meaningless, because I know that within a matter of days, I will be...I will be dead. And all I want is for you to let me hold on to you, let me hold on to you for as long as I can!" Childish. that's what she is. Stupid. She's ignorant. She knows she's going to die, and I can't do anything about it. Tears soak through my shirt leaving me let. I can feel my hands balling into fists as I prepare to make her move.

She cares.

She needs me.

What do I do? Do I say anything to her? Do I tell her to get away from me? Mother and Father pushed me away all throughout my life. They told me to get away. That I was useless. That I messed everything up. Chance never did anything wrong. My sister never messed up. It was always me. And now I have a chance to make things right. I can do something, but I'd rather not. "Could you just get off me?" It's a simple question. I try to sound nice. To force the agitation out of my voice, but I'm not good at it. "Look. If you want to talk, you can sit down. We can talk there. But you have to let go of me before I take matters into my own hands."