Blood stained tears {open}

Four years, it was four years ago that Moss' name was called out for the reapings and there was nothing I could do because I was too much of a coward to actually go and save her, the tiny girl from eleven who is my cousin, my flesh and blood. I was supposed to teach her to play with fire, to not be as terrified of it as she was but I could understand her reasoning behind it. It's taken me four years, four god damned years to realize why she's so afraid of it, it's because of how much it hurt her before the games and in the games, to this day, I can't get the sound of her screams out of my head. Tears falling down my cheeks, all that registers in my mind as feet make their way through the district, a road I don't travel often, where are my feet taking me?

What I find at the end of the road, not something to burn as I expected but instead, a graveyard, the bodies of those lost to previous senseless murders in the games laid to rest permanently. The reason for the tears, not truly known by the conscious mind of mine but they fall in waves that refuse to stop. "It's been four years, Moss, Four years ago I could have taken your place but I didn't because I was afraid, I was afraid of what would happen to me and I was a coward who didn't seem to realize that maybe your life had more worth than mine. I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't save your family the hurt. Briar is angry, she's angry you lied to her and your twin seems distraught without his other half." The words pour, a river flowing from my lips as I tell her I'm sorry because I am, I'm more sorry now that she's gone than I was when she first died.

Another voice, someone's here, who could be in a place like this? Is it another person who's lost someone dear to them in the games? Pale blue eyes scan for the source of the sound, a large figure not too far away who seems familiar somehow. My mind goes to work, searching for the place I have seen this boy before realization dawns on me. He looks like a tribute from last games, Crusader? Is he here to pay respects to the fallen tribute. Perhaps I aught to leave him be, let him mourn, but something compels me to walk across the grass towards the larger boy, to reach out to him, to tell him that he is not alone. "He was so strong. I wish I'd been able to meet him." Soft words spoken like the gentle breeze that blew through my dark hair.

I see his tears, the same tears I knew I'd cried only moments ago. Definitely a family member of Crusader. The sky above, so dark, dreary, opens up, the sky is crying like this boy before me. Time might make pain fade but it never goes away, it never leaves permenently, instead, it scars you for life.

His words echoe in my ears, hollow words spoken from a broken heart. I know I should leave him in peace, leave him to grieve, but my mind will not let me. It will not let me leave someone to suffer alone, without someone else beside them. I know what it's like to grieve alone, when Moss died, the family seemed to cave in on itself, everyone withdrawing to their homes, leaving me alone to cry. Oh Ripred I had never felt more alone than in the weeks after Moss' death.

Moments tick by, rain drips over my hair down my back, chilling me to the bone as I stand in silence, listening to his tears. I don't realize I'm crying until I feel warmth on my cheeks mixing with the rain to appear as if it is nothing but the sky crying upon me. I do not quite know the reason why but the wound in my heart seems to open as I see another mourn the loss of a loved one. When my cousin and I were little, I remember teaching her things, showing her how much fun fire could be but fire is dangerous. I wish I had been a better cousin, visited her before she left so I could say goodbye but alas, I did not and for that, I must live with the consequences.

Silence envelopes the graveyard, apart from the drip on the head stones, there is nothing to interupt the sorrow. "I can't say the pain the goes away because it doesn't. I've learned that in the lasr four years. All we can do is keep that pain, try to continue on for the sakes of those we've lost." the words, even to my ear, sound hollow. I've never quite moved on, I can't let go of Moss because I was supposed to teach her to not be afraid of fire, to see the beauty within flames as they dance. "Though it's easier said than done, it's been four years since Moss died and I still miss her every day."

Someone stabs at my heart, I can feel the blood pouring from it but when I look down, no red stains the raindrops drenching my body. This boy is pained by Crusaders death, I remember what it feels like having my heart broken watching the girl from one take my cousins life but I feel worse for this boy as the one who killed his kin is the one who made it home. That, in my opinion, is the hardest part about this whole thing. He died so she could live.

"I'm very sorry about Moss." I do not want appologies from those who feel the same wounds as I, I want an appology from the people who caused us this pain, the people who believe it is alright to make is feel this kind of pain. "It is not an apology from you I want. It is an apology from those who caused this in the first place. I want an apology from the Capitol." My words are soft, my blue eyes determined. It is not right to allow someone to hurt like we have.

"I wish I'd taken her place, then perhaps she would get to grow up, keep her promis to her sister but I was afraid, just like she was. So many things I wish I could have done but it's too late, they're gone now." I say, keeping the tears back as best as I can but my efforts are futile, tears hidden by rain drip over my cheeks, drenching my already soaked face. "I'm sorry about Crusader, he was brave till the very end and deserves to be remembered for many years to come." with that said, I turn away from the grave stone, unable to continue to look at it, the scene reminding me too much of when Moss first died. Now, her grave is lonely, set beside her district partner that she didn't even know all that well, Ari Newton. A shame that her family rarely comes to visit but I cannot help the urge to see her grave atone, something about it helps me to believe that she is indeed in a better place. "My name is Ignea by the way, I'm sorry life couldn't have allowed us to meet under better circumstances." I say as an afterthought before beginning to walk back towards Moss' grave.