the drought was the very worst

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I sit there, my mother's trembling hand cupped in my palm - our eyes pinned on the little screen before us. We see a scene that resembles nothing but a horrific nightmare with a sprinkling of snow and a dusting of death. And it's as we breathe that I watch her last breath slip away from between our once tight bond and into the other side - into the darkness.[break][break]
In that brisk moment, my eyes blink clinging onto the final string of hope - praying that I will see her chest lift and deflate once more. But, it's the seconds after that assure me I'm nothing much more than someone who wants to be awoken from a night terror - someone who wishes that they could hear their sister's comforting voice once more.[break][break]


But as my mother leans into my shoulder and I hear her violent sobbing throw itself into my ear, it's then and only then that I realise - this is it. The four walls we had built up over the past few weeks have been torn apart in a vicious and destructive way. Now, there's nothing that separates us from them - for there is only the solemn air that has been felt by sixty-nine other families from our district. There's only the solemn air.[break][break]


I watch as her body lies on the frozen pillar. She looks so alone and isolated; her face is full of worry and fear. Yet, she still retains the beauty which is only too familiar to our family. Her corpse looks too peaceful for the battlefield and I feel a strange sensation prancing around my body - I am glad she is free.[break][break]


Because it's only upon a death that one realises that death is the only way out. They say that there is one victor - but it all seems so skewed and confused. Upon being crowned 'champion' of the games, there is no exit - no door that leads to an easy way out. It just assures you that your future in certain. That's why I am glad she has slipped from between our fingers and into a place of no harm, no violence and no worry.[break][break]


Within the coming storm, we'll receive her body in a cheap box as a memory from the Capitol. In some ways, that's the worst part. A constant reminder of all the pain and emotion we've experienced. It's the reason I go to the foot of their graves and leave a flower in the dire surroundings. Over time it wilts and blends in with the serene setting, but for the time it is alive - it assures the resting souls that someone cares.[break][break]


As much as we want to forget, all we can do is remember. A mother can tell you that everything will be okay and a father can promise that tomorrow will bring a new day - but I am the only one who can decide whether I move on. The taint in my mind is a permanant stain but the only one who can choose to ignore it is me. They tell me to do so, but in my heart - it's wrong. Everyone else seems to do that meaning no one will remember. [break][break]


That's what breaks my heart the most.[break][break]


And as my arms rest on the rotting ledge of the window, I feel the cold breeze scrape across my cheek. I stare out into a world of uncertainty and despair. My emotions are a mess, and the feelings won't go away. But I now look out onto the world with a new eye - crafted by depression and fear. And amongst the thousands of thoughts in my mind, there's only one that sticks out like a sore thumb. I've watched twenty-four become six, and I'll watch six become one. After that, I'll be counting down the days until it all happens again.[break][break]


Until history replays itself.[break][break]