long live the queen/lily's funeral thread

I remember Lily's fear. It sparked before my eyes as I had seen that last dance of hers, spinning away from Orion Hammerfell, but towards Circe Lyon. You see, when twins are born, they have a connection that no one can replace. If one dies, it feels weird when the other is still there. When mother calls me down for dinner, she still sometimes says "Lily" along with "Paige." Because that is how we were, for years upon years. Lily and Paige. Not just Paige, and not just Lily. We were a set, and now one is gone from that set, and my heart is broken in two.

Today is the day my best friend in the world, my twin sister, is shipped home to me in a box. MY eyes water with the pain and unfairness of it all. Why did she have to go and leave me to save a stupid neighbor. We barely even know Samael! I mean, if Lily had just let her die or have someone else take the spot. What am I saying? I am saying I want someone to die? Lily knew what would happen going in to the games, but that makes it hurt so much more. So much. My Lily was kind and gentle, but her being in those games hurt me so much. I remember the day they were shipped to the arena, a note she wrote was found in her room. They withheld it until they died and I am only just reading it, waiting to be let in to see my sister's face for the last time.

To Whoever Finds This-

I am about to be sent to the arena where I will die because of people like the big bad wolf and the boy from district seven. I will die first I suspect because I know everyone will make me a target since everyone sees me as the scared little girl from district eight with no muscles whatsoever. They haven't met who I decided to be though. The bad little lily, my special character I created for just this play. I will let my regular conscience sleep deep within and take my anger and frustration out at those around me during the games before I die. Before someone like the big bad wolf comes to gobble me up. I still don't understand how that girl thinks that mercy is killing someone quickly. She wants me to find her during the games and ask to die quickly. I don't understand her. Her words still ring around in my head. I don't want to die though, I want to be back in district eight innocently with my brother and sister, trying to poke my head into the tv room so I can see what is going on in the games. Then have them block me out. I still remember their last words to me.

Tears start to drip off my face at her hand writing. I remember she was never the best at writing, and I had schooled her in the fine art. I remember the moments fondly when she and I would sit at a desk with one of those precious few pieces of paper and pencils, and I had helped teach her to write elegantly. I could obviously tell that the big bad wolf was another girl from district two, the district that had caused me so much pain, and I thank Olivia for not adding on to the pain the district caused me. I am glad that stupid wolf died early on, before she could terrorize my sister even more.

"I volunteer!" My hand shoots up to the sky for my neighbor. Samael. The one who I want to live. I am saving another life and I feel good about it at the time. I don't know how much trauma. I will go through just to save a life, but whatever it is, it is worth it. I will die knowing I was a good girl. The escort welcomes me up to the stage, "Whats your name." He asks. He is wearing such a stupid costume as all the capitolites do. "Now, what's your name?" My eyes widen in fear as my mouth clogs up and my shyness kicks in. I am standing in front of the whole of panam, volunteering for someone to save a life. "I-I-I'm Lily. Lily Hope." I manage to stutter out. "Well, Lily Hope. You are a very lucky little girl." The escort says jovioly. He's such an idiot, saying I'm lucky for volunteering to die.

I am pushed into the justice building. Pushed into a room with big oak doors that block my escape. To keep me in the Capitol's little cage. I look up when I hear the doors open, my eyes are stained with tears already. They are so red and puffy I can barely see the outline of the people who walked in. It is Preston and Eva. They run to me and I feel their arms envelope me. I shake in their loving embrace with my sobs. I wish I didn't volunteer for a girl I barely knew.

After a few minutes, my sobs die down to a few cries, then sniffles. Preston looks at me lovingly while Eva is still in tears. "Will you be safe?" Preston asks me. I respond softly. "You know the answer to that." "Will you come back?" Eva asks sadly. "You know the answer to that too." A fresh waves of sobs explode from Eva and she runs out if the room, behind the oak doors. Preston sits down on the couch by me and drapes an arm over me. "Try to come back Lily, like all of the people who are going to be there. Don't forget though that they have families too and are real people. But the most important thing of all is to not forget who you are. Don't let the Capitol or bloodthirsty careers control you." I sob. "Promise me." He says sadly. "I promise." Then the doors swing open and peacekeepers in white uniforms are there to escort Preston out. I sob and cling try to cling to him as the peacekeepers desperate me from him and they succeed in pulling me away from him. They push him out the door and the doors slam as my silver tears gush down my face in waterfalls as I scream.

By now the paper is splotched with tears as they leak out onto the page. I remember teaching her to string words together into a story, and now my Lily has made the story of her life on a single piece of paper. I am certain the Capitol will try to take it away from me again to film it. They love having stuff on dead tributes. I hate them for making her do this. For making anyone do this. If I could I would bomb the Capitol and every little person filled with evil inside it.

Then I wake up. Today is the day. The day I leave for the arena. The day I will die because of people like the big bad wolf. I let out one sob before taking deep breaths. I sigh and know I have failed Preston because of what I will do today. I will be ripping my personality from me and shoving it deep, deep down where it can't bother me as I let my latest character loose in my mind. I created her yesterday when I used all that foul language at the gamemakers. I just want to crawl under the sheets and die now, but I see clothing and a note from my stylist saying to be down in the training center where I will be taken to the arena.

About an hour later, I am on a hovercraft. Flying at what I think is a million miles per hour, so I can go to my most certain demise.

I think I am going to die to soon. To soon for comfort. To soon for a girl who has only just thirteen. A girl who had hopes and dreams for the future, but had them crushed just to save another person. Now can you tell me, whoever is reading the note I left on the hovercraft to most likely be found after I am dead. Maybe by President Snow. Is that fair at all? But of course it's not because now I am the bad Little Lily who no one will remember except as the girl who saved another's life on purpose, even though she knew she would die. I won't even be remember by that many people. Just the people I impacted. Maybe the victor, the wolf with an eye patch. Maybe my family. Maybe Samael and her family. Maybe another tribute's family. All I know, is that I will die as soon as I enter whatever hell Warren Whip and Charlie Garnett have whipped up just for me.

My tears are in full throttle now. What kind of a stupid name is Warren Whip? Then I hear a voice saying to me in the graveyard, "You may now say your goodbyes." I rush to my little Lily before anyone else could, and I stare at her box.




They didn't even bother to write anything special on it. I cry at the unfairness of it all, maybe my tears over Lily will bring her back. Maybe she will jump up and yell "Surprise I'm still alive and off to kill that Kiritio fellow over there who says he won!" But alas, no such thing happened because why would it? This land isn't filled with magic of any sort, even as I have led Lily to believe. Then I cry and cry and cry, and hope this torturous world will soon be gone to me.