send the fire down the wire | colgate, cordelia, & hannah

я𝑜𝓈𝑒
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anyway don't be a stranger

send the fire down the wire | colgate, cordelia, & hannah Sept 27, 2015 12:20:41 GMT -5

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Post by я𝑜𝓈𝑒 on Sept 27, 2015 12:20:41 GMT -5

Step.

Step.

Step.

Each stair I took to the stage, where I was showcased like a prized pig for slaughter, was climbing to the summit. But I was not tired, my spirit was not eroded - cut and bleeding bleeding bleeding, but never eroded. I was just a pillar of stone with crumbling edges under the harsh glare of the cameras, under the burning gazes of millions. The world was watching Hannah O'Leary more closely than before.

(After all, I am one of their precious chess pieces.)

And I shook from the inside, several fissures hitting all at once, stemming from my very core and stretching out to my fingertips. But I have not fallen, not until now.

In the Justice Building, locked in these walls, like looming mountains, I am dust again, a broken porcelain doll. But I am not a porcelain doll anymore, I am remains. I am remains of who I was - Hannah O'Leary, wild, free, and in blissfully love.

Now I am Hannah O'Leary, chess piece, broken, and in tragically in love.

There is no bottle in my hand to save me now, and there won't be Colgate O'Leary to save me in the arena.

My fate was made with my blood, the same blood that runs through Colgate's veins.

When he and Cordelia walk through the Justice Building doors, I could scream, "YOU DID THIS TO ME! IT'S YOUR FAULT! THEY PICKED ME BECAUSE OF YOU!"

But the thought alone is shattering my earth and with it, my heart all over again. All I feel is sobs in my throat, battling to be heard, and blood and tears, trickling like streams of black tar across my insides. And my heart is the storm cloud that sets them free.

I am already darting into their arms the moment I can see their faces.

"Colgate! Cordelia!"

meanwhile, my family's taking shelter
the sparks send the fire down the wire

❧

{ table: zoë }

"even stars burn out."

Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]
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send the fire down the wire | colgate, cordelia, & hannah Sept 27, 2015 14:57:21 GMT -5

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Post by Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy] on Sept 27, 2015 14:57:21 GMT -5

______________________

And my body's weak
I feel my heart giving up on me

Five years later, I stand on the edge of the reaping grounds, glancing from face to face with a question burning into the back of my brain.

Who is going to die this year?

The rumors are true enough; I’m notorious for being an awful mentor, at least when it comes to bringing back tributes alive. District Eleven has brought back two victors in a row – those bastards – and I’ve got a body count that’s more than half my age.

I don’t even remember some of their names.

The worst part is, my family isn’t immune from this reaping, not yet. My eyes pass over the crowd and settle on Hannah, but she’s lookin’ elsewhere and I don’t blame her for being distracted. Her name’s not in that bowl nearly so much as some of the other kids – the ones who have to buy tessera in order to live, just like I had to do when I was young – but she’s got a Capitol target on her back so big that everyone can see it from a mile away. The other people around her know who she is, and they keep eyeing her with.. what, concern? And that just pisses me off. Nothing’s guaranteed.

It may not be rigged.

It’s when the Capitol representative takes to the stage that I feel my confidence wane. I watch Hannah and the people on the stage and I find myself reaching for Cordelia’s hand, ignoring the cameras and crowds and the whole world in favor of her touch.

Seconds tick by, and the time between uncertainty and reality feels like hell.

It won’t be her.

Everyone will be fine.

It won’t be her.

---

Except it is. I know it from the second the escort reaches into bowl, even before he calls out the name. They need something to bring in the ratings, something to get people excited, and there’s nothing more tragic and fascinating than watching a family get torn to shreds.

Hannah O’Leary, the voice says, and my eyes go all fuzzy, my vision clouded by a memory of the past.

"Hey, come on now. Just think of it this way, for me, okay?”

"Think of it like you're in school, right? And the teacher just asked a monster of a question that nobody in the class understands. Nobody except for, well, you know the one. That one kid who always seems to know what to say, always seems to be kissing the teacher's ass?"

"Don't say that! Mom doesn't like it when you say bad words.”

"Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. What matters is this: you know how the teacher almost never calls on the annoying know-it-all kid? Noooo, she's always looking at the ones who don't know the answer, the ones who look like they're kinda squirming in their seats a little. Today, you have to be the one with all the answers. You gotta make yourself big and tall, hold your chin up, and make it so no one on this earth would ever dare pick on you. You got that?"

"Nuh uh, none of that. Chin up, remember? There's not a single one of 'em out there better than you. They can't hurt you if you know that."

Maybe she wasn’t standing big and tall. Maybe none of us were.

In a flash, I think ‘bout all the times we had when we were younger – back before all the bad things happened, back before I turned ugly inside – when we would laugh and joke and be ridiculous without having something dark and evil nudging at our thoughts, even when we were happy.

She’s strong. Stronger than me. She can do this.

They push her to the stage, unwilling, and I feel my heart clench in my chest. I lose the feeling of Cordelia’s hand in my own, even with her fingers wrapped around mine, because my whole body’s gone numb.

I tell myself she looks strong.

In the moments, seconds, minutes after her name is called, they take her into the justice building and I don’t remember what I’m supposed to do. I feel Cordelia’s hand in mine, constant and reassuring, and without her help I don’t think I wouldda made it into the building. I wouldda stood there for hours, letting the information sink in, but she gently tugs me along and we press up the stairs to the building, into the door and into the room and –

And Hannah darts into our arms collectively – is she crying? – and it takes all my energy not to break down along with her.

I’m holding onto my two favorite girls in this whole entire world.

…

I break down like a baby.

Words don’t work, they never have, and there isn’t a goddamn thing I could say that would make anyone feel better. I can’t do this. I can’t watch her die. I can’t watch her go through the Arena.

”I’m…” I begin, but my throat closes up and my heart won’t work right and I can’t make my mind work the way it’s supposed to. My eyes scrunch up to hold back tears and I cling to both of them like a child.

And all I can do is cry.

warehouse

Kire
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send the fire down the wire | colgate, cordelia, & hannah Sept 27, 2015 15:54:50 GMT -5

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Post by Kire on Sept 27, 2015 15:54:50 GMT -5

Cordelia Iraen Eaglebrooke

Twelve hours ago I was at peace. Despite the growing tension I sensed in Colgate's body as he lay beside me, despite my knowledge that Hannah was only seventeen and still eligible for the reaping - among the other younger O'Learys - and despite having not seen my parents in nearly a year. I was at peace. Except for the nagging feeling in the back of my brain. I had had a question on my lips, in my throat, choking and gagging me. Each time I took a breath to ask him my courage failed me. I didn't want to push or pry, but deep in my chest I knew there was something so ultimately right that I knew this was where I belonged. Looking into his face, so much more relaxed as he slept - the early aging smoothed from his face as the innocence of rest overtook him - I silently mouthed. "Have you ever thought we could be something more?" He stayed asleep, unaware, and I let my breath out slowly. Curling into him, I fell asleep.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colgate's fingers are crushing mine, but I don't say anything. I had known for weeks how much fear he was feeling. This was always going to be terrible for him, being roughly handed two lives that he was supposed to protect. He couldn't save them both, and I knew it hurt him that none of them had come home. I followed his gaze to where Hannah stood and felt my chest tighten with my own worry. His family was his life, and they were still at risk. I caught Scope's eyes as he stood in the crowd of those too young or too old to be in the reaping. They burned like blue fire. Colgate wasn't the only one who feared for his family.

Swallowing didn't get rid of the lump in my throat, but I tried anyway. As the names were being drawn and Colgate's hand squeezed tighter around mine I felt my own fingers return his grip of steel. This was the last moment of tension before the world would fall away.

"Hannah O'Leary"

The hole opened right under our feet. I felt us plummet, Colgate and I, our hands linked in a death grip. All that held me to reality was his face, his touch, his presence. The world had suddenly turned into a nightmare but there was no waking from it.

I watched as Hannah was roughly shoved through the crowd and onto the stage. The lump in my throat was bigger and seemed to have grown spikes because my throat felt shredded. Colgate was stone silent beside me.

The world took 249 seconds to come back into focus. Counting held me steady even when Colgate started to shake. His fear and his heartbreak felt like an earthquake in my soul. When everyone had dispersed I gently shook him. "We should go see her." I knew we would be travelling with her, but right now I also knew that Colgate could use his sister's presence as much as she could use his. I felt like an outsider, trespassing into the affairs of people I didn't belong to. Still, the way Colgate clung to my hand kept me going, pulling him onward. We moved slowly into the Justice Building and then down the hallway. A peacekeeper showed us into a room and there she was.

"Colgate! Cordelia!"

As her arms flew around us I snapped out of the intruding feeling. She saw me as a part of her family, and that as much as everything else made me start to break down. I had wanted to be strong for the two of them, to shoulder Colgate's burden of needing to hold himself together. I could glue the pieces back into place when he needed, but I could not fix my own heart. When Colgate chokes I feel the emotion as much as hear it. "I'm..."

Tears begin to spill from my eyes because I can't hold them back any longer. I may not be strong enough for this, for any single part of this, but I am not alone in my weakness. Colgate shakes against me and that breaks the last grip I have on my emotions. I wished I had asked him that nagging question before this all happened, because now I wouldn't have the chance. What we were didn't matter, not in the light of Hannah being sent off to the arena. I could pray, but to who. I could stand strong, but I'm weak. All I can do is just be there for her, and for him. Could we last through this, any of us? My heart was already breaking but if I lost Colgate I knew this couldn't compare.

I love the god damned lot of them, all of the O'Learys and their silly ways. I love Hannah, for being his spark and for taking me in as a sister. Most of all, I love that damn man and his stone face, the same one that had crumbled to dust the moment we entered the room. He needs me, and I need him, and Hannah needs us both.

I stand there, an O'Leary under each arm, and weep.

Last Edit: Sept 27, 2015 15:56:46 GMT -5 by Kire

On hills and waves on stormy days.

я𝑜𝓈𝑒
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anyway don't be a stranger

send the fire down the wire | colgate, cordelia, & hannah Sept 30, 2015 23:06:12 GMT -5

Quote

Post by я𝑜𝓈𝑒 on Sept 30, 2015 23:06:12 GMT -5

It's raining.

(Tears.)

It's pouring.

(Misery.)

And President Snow isn't snoring, no, he's plotting my demise at this very moment, scrounging the ends of his serpentine mind for new blades and traps. I can hear the whispers of his thoughts, a sickening hum in my ear -

How can I slaughter Hannah O'Leary?

I see the storm clouds behind Colgate's composure, his screen of ice. It trembles with one rumble of thunder, and shatters when our skies ignite with lightning. The shards shower us like glass rain, but it's not our flesh that is being sliced open to ooze our agony -

it's our hearts.

"I'm . . ." my brother begins, but it's shattered, shattered, shattered, by the sharp blade of lightning.

My words are rivers, and there is a dam lodged in my throat. The waves crash violently against the thick stone wall like a rioting horde of protesters, raging in a chorus of, "WAR! WAR! WAR!" The cry is a howling pack of bloodthirsty wolves locked in a cage - "SET US FREE!" -

But I can't, I can't.

Not when I myself am imprisoned in the snake pit.

But these words that melt into regrets on my tongue crawl out of the rims of my eyes and tumble down my cheeks, the first drops of a hurricane. I can feel the wind gathering inside, stirring stirring stirring in a horde of terror and impending death. Churning. Raining. Thundering. The sobs screaming all throughout my bones my veins my head my ears my heart every part of me to LET THEM OUT LET THEM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM UNTIL THERE IS NO AIR LEFT TO DRAW SCREAMS -

Until I break all over again in Colgate and Cordelia's embrace,

shatter from fragments to smaller fragments -

less than dust -

nothing.

I am nothing but a puddle of my agony, my fear.

"I - I can't w-win," I manage to sputter, like a broken pen just barely spitting out ink. "I'm not strong, like you, Cordelia, and I'm - I'm not a warrior like you, Colgate. I'm just a -"

coward, liar, cheater, fool, genetic fuck up, VICTOR'S SISTER, pawnvictimcorpse -

"I'm just a kid. We're all just fucking kids and they're going to kill us just like -"

All those children my perfect big brother slaughtered -

"Just like we're brainless animals."

It's raining.

It's pouring.

a countdown begins
until the dynamite gives in

❧

{ table: zoë }